Bedtime like a circus.

[Bettyboop82]

5 month old EBF baby will only settle for me in the evenings, even then it takes ages and will only be fed to sleep. He’s ok for daytime naps, which are generally in the pram or car seat but occasionally rocked or cuddled. He absolutely will not, cannot self settle in his cot. He screams and goes mental. Meanwhile my other two children -aged 2 and 3 will also only go to sleep with me lying next to them in bed (holding my hand!) this was my favourite part of the day (before baby arrived) as we had a story and a sleepy cuddle and everyone went to be happy. Now it’s a bloody nightmare! Everyone wants me, everyone is crying (even me sometimes!) and my poor husband is unwanted by any of these sleep avoiding maniacs that we have created! He now says that the baby needs to be left to cry and I should stop breastfeeding and give him a bottle as this is all my fault. Is he right? Is this all my fault? If so what can I do? I’m exhausted

What if, and I know this sounds mental, you breastfeed the baby to sleep but hold one child’s hand and the other stays on the other side of you and holds a leg or something and then they get to swap the next night. On the stopping breastfeeding thing it may or may not work, don’t feel the pressure to keep breastfeeding or to stop breastfeeding, do what you feels best in that regard. Could you go combi or express so that your husband could bottle feed the baby to sleep?

I got touched-out when I was feeding just one, can’t imagine how you’re coping with all the hand holding and feeding all together!

Some options: 1) focus on the baby in a different room (with noise-cancelling headphones!) and let your husband do bedtime with the other two. Shower them with attention beforehand so they don’t feel like they’re competing with the new one, but beyond a certain time they’re his to deal/bond with. (My 21-month-old after months of loudly preferring me just demanded her father do bedtime last night because he sings to her, so it’ll take time and patience on his part but it can happen.) 2) Move bedtimes/feeds around so they don’t clash (difficult with little baby). 3) Read a story to the others from a chair rather than lying down with them and (try to) do gradual retreat while nursing. Good luck, hope you find something that works.

PS it is not all your fault, nor anyone else’s. The older ones will take time to adjust; nursing is perfect for getting a young baby to sleep, and it’s free.

Thanks so much for advice! Im just feeling alllllll the guilt at leaving my older two when they want me to lie next to them, they’re only babies themselves. I just feel like I’ve got it all wrong when other peoples babies and children just seem to go to sleep on their own!