Dad ‘feeling sick’ when baby wakes at night

[Fearnature]

My other half always moans that he ‘feels sick’ when our little one wakes up at night. He huffs and puffs while i breastfeed then gets up and goes to sleep on the sofa. This happens every night and it’s starting to annoy me because I’m not sure if it’s an excuse or he genuinely does feel sick.

Am I being harsh by not believing him?

Has anyone else experienced feeling sick when woken at night? Or does your partner feel sick too?

How do I talk to him and try to help him?

To add - Monday to Friday I fully support him going downstairs as he works mon - fri. At weekends he will get up when baby wakes and will change nappy then go to the sofa.

@WhyDoYouAsk

Also wondering what ‘complex’ stands for really. I’m guessing hypochondriac.

Yep, this!!!

The whole huffing and puffing and sleeping on the sofa is passive aggressive behaviour. It seems as though he resents the baby.

He needs to sleep in another room, it’s no surprise the baby wakes up.

It’s a known thing with babies isn’t it?.

You can feel sick when having disturbed sleep and needing to get up for work and even transferring to the sofa, but he needs to stop with the bloody huffing and puffing like a spoilt manchild, what does he expect you to do about it. Babies need to feed at night and he's not the only one getting woken up.

Just like any adult he needs to be able to exert control over the words that come out of his mouth. Even if he feels sick, you and the baby don’t need to know about it. My husband used to huff and puff at night when woken up by me or the children. He soon learned that if he didn’t want me huffing and puffing at him during the day, he’d be better off keeping his feelings to himself.

I feel sick when I wake up so always have a glass of water on my bedside table as it helps it clear much quicker.

I would say, however, that I couldn’t overlook that he is huffing and puffing because he was woken up by the baby. That is showing absolute resentment for a baby whose only problem is to need a feed at night, and is doing it to make you aware how displeased he is.

Honestly... I don’t think I would totally trust him to leave him with the baby alone. You are not unreasonable to feel annoyed, lots of people feel sick when woken up but that doesn’t mean we have a free card to abdicate our responsibilities and take it out on people around us.

Yes I've had the sickness when woken thing. It can be quite intense. Glad the baby and toddler days are behind us!

How do I talk to him and try to help him?

You don't, you have a baby to think about. If he feels sick he needs to work out how to look after himself.

Why doesn't he sleep on the sofa for the entire night? Getting up half way though sleeping is going to make him feel like shit. Shove a dummy in his man baby mouth next time he complains?

@Apricotta

Offer him a ginger biscuit....

We found that each of us has a time of the night that feels worse for them and took that shift. Breastfeeding still requires you but if you do it half asleep and then pass baby to him for changing and settling you get more rest. Really some people are better in the early hours and others in the late evening! Accept that it is no fun for either of you and discuss how to manage it.

I often feel nauseous if woken from a deep sleep.

But babies wake in the night. It’s unavoidable, and it’s something that you have to learn to cope with as a parent.
The huffing and puffing would irritate me a bit TBH, it’s not like the baby’s waking your DP on purpose to annoy him or anything like that.

Definitely legit. I don't just feel sick, I can't stand or sit up straight - which made night time feeds an absolute nightmare. I'm also prone to panic attacks when woken up suddenly. I make huffing and puffing noises when trying to get my head and body functioning again without puking or falling over.

Well the sickness could be true , during the sleep deprivation but with both my DC the more tired i got the more sick I felt when they woke up in the night (on one occasion I should have got an Olympic gymnast medal for the quick move to be sick while ds2 was feeding and not disturbing the poor little soul). However shockingly I and most women I know got the hell on with it and carried on with the baby duties.

Not stropped off to the sofa huffing and puffing . I do hope he has some really good points OP.

Even if he does feel sick it’s tough shit really. Babies wake up in the night and need fed regardless. Tell him to quit moaning as there’s nothing you can do, you’ve got one baby to look after already.

Ah, the early years when dd would wake in the night and I would start dry-heaving because of the exhaustion. I was breastfeeding so just had to deal with the spell and then get on with it. So yes, I do believe it is possible to feel ill if woken in the middle of the night or you have to get up in the morning without enough sleep (those mornings tend to mean full on vomiting for me)

Sometimes I feel sick if woken from a deep sleep. Not condoning his reactions to your baby needing to be fed though If he’s staying in the same room at the start of the night he needs to accept he’s being woken up.
My OH slept in the spare room when our baby was in with us if he had work the next day. I didn’t mind, was breastfeeding and all I wanted to do was change/feed DS and get him back in the crib asap. It was quicker and easier if I just did it! He’d take DS downstairs in the mornings on his days off and I’d go back to sleep.
Sofa if he has work, and get him to bring you a cuppa in bed if you’re awake when he’s getting ready for work. No reason why he can’t help in the night if you want him to if he’s off the next day. If he still insists on going to the sofa then he should take your baby for a bit in the morning so you can have more sleep.

@RednaxelasBaubles

Huffing and puffing at baby waking to feed is

Babies feed at night, babies cry, babies have teething and catch colds etc. Babies are highly demanding, that's their job... did he not think about this before deciding to have one..

Is he is a dickhead in other ways OP? Making your life harder and resenting his own baby is

I think it's actually very normal to resent being woken in the middle of the night, even if it is what you signed up for!

I think this idea that it's not OK to get frustrated or upset by the relentless of newborns is really very damaging.