So sleep deprived - help!

[Jigglypuffler]

My DD is 5 weeks old and we're really struggling with the nights. She is having a decent amount of awake time in the day, and tends to nap OK in her moses basket downstairs in the day. But at night, she starts grunting, snorting, snuffling constantly. She is asleep during this (or seems to be) but we can't sleep, and she's disturbing my eldest. She tends to feed every 3 hours (sometimes 2 if she's cluster feeding a bit), but we're really not close to a routine just yet, and after her 9 or 10pm feed we take her up to the crib in our room and it just escalates. She is bottle fed and whichever of us is 'on duty' (which is me 6 out of 7 nights a week) inevitably ends up camping out in the living room and getting next to no sleep. I'm starting to really struggle with the sleep deprivation, not helped by having zero support because of bloody covid. I'm going to bed by 8pm most nights to try and get some hours in before the graveyard hours, but it's just not sustainable and I really miss my evenings.

Whats also not helping is that she seems to be in a lot of discomfort when she feeds. She was struggling to poo so last Monday we switched her to comfort milk (advised by HV), but while she is now pooing better she is really unhappy when feeding and the volume has dropped significantly in the last week. DH is convinced she has an intolerance or something else underlying. This isn't helping the sleep issue as she's hungry and uncomfortable.

Things we have tried include:

• putting her in sleeping bag
• using a sleeping pod (think that's what it is called) in her crib
• using the sensor pad on the monitor (in case we subconsciously weren't getting to sleep, for peace of mind - she's still in our room!)
• white noise
• crib is inclined (again suggested by HV)

What else can we try? I'm so tired that I feel drunk half the time, I can't let her sleep on me but I don't know what else there is to do. I just want an hour or two of proper sleep between her feeds, for now. Welcoming all suggestions (on the sleeping or feeding issues)!

Hi OP. I see you already have an older DC so don’t want to teach you to suck eggs but just wanted to say that 5 weeks is when you’re completely in the trenches with a baby. Too young for routine IMO, they’re just all over the place. The first thing that sprang to mind was possible silent reflux or milk intolerance? Might be worth checking with your GP to rule this out. Also, google infant dyschezia in relation to the grunting / straining to poo...basically this is caused by their digestive systems being immature.

In the meantime, why can’t your DH help more? Why are you on duty 6 out of 7 days? Sorry but I think he needs to step up and help out a bit more. Being a parent to a new baby is relentless and even if one is working, they need to be helping out within reason.

My older dc is six so it's been quite a while since we've had a baby. He also had health problems so my frame of reference is very squiffed.

Agree I need to consult the gp and will do so Monday. I'll also look into those conditions you mention, thanks for pointing me in that direction.

The dh issue... Its just typical male privilege, tbh. The way we have settled on things is that he does everything up to midnight and after 6am, so I'm going to bed early and getting an hour extra in the morning. It would work well if DD was allowing us to sleep between feeds. He is working full time plus has his own business on the side. Generally we do work well as a team but he does have a tendancy to put his own needs first and I often have to reason with him to see things from my perspective. Last night I was up with DD from 10pm to 5.30am... He said (eventually) he would do it all tonight so I could sleep, but then he went to bed at 7.30 so I'm sat up waiting to feed her. I love him but I'm bloody seething.

My DD was a grunter. It was literally like sleeping next to a farm animal and was literally the worst thing she did, it was SO BLOODY LOUD. 90% of parents I talked to about it gave me blank looks or said “newborns are noisy sleepers” and 10% were like, oh my god, mine did this too and it’s AWFUL. DD also thrashed about while she was doing it but we realized after a few nights she was asleep and not actually crying. My BFF is a pediatrician and we had many conversations about it but she said it really was just DD learning how to poop... and some babies are just real noisy about it. It went away around 8-10 weeks but my god it was awful. Does that sound like your DC?

We dealt with the sleep with me going to bed at 7:30 and sleeping until midnight and DH sitting up holding her if needed or me just sleeping with ear plugs. Then DH would get up early and hold her again if needed. I should say we also did shared parental leave at the same time so there was none of “oh but he needs to work” nonsense since we were both home.

@Happyhappyday that sounds EXACTLY like DD. Others have said that's what it is and it'll pass but like you say, it's bloody awful!

As I say, dh is convinced she has an underlying issue behind it all and is getting moody with me when I say it could just be a newborn thing, although I do believe her feeding is not helping matters at all at the moment, so will be phoning the health visitor and/or first thing about that.

That's what we're doing at the moment, but I'm very keen to get her down between her night feeds and it's just impossible at the moment.