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Sleep

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Original poster

Baby whisperer fans...help please!

46 replies

TheJen · 20/10/2007 20:08

My DS's naps are turning into a real battle. I'm quite a fan of the Baby Whisperer's EASY routine and too whimpy to let him cry much and the 'shhhh pat' when he wakes or wont settle has always worked quite well. However it isn't always working at the moment. Bit of an understatement actually! Today I couldn't get him to nap in his cot at all... I waited for all the cues, three yawns etc and as soon as I put him in his cot he screamed and wouldn't even stop for long when I (or DH) shhh'ed him. After 45mins of trying we gave up and put him in buggy (not without a bit of arguing- a screaming child is sooo stressful ) I've been back to the book but all she talks about is soothing and putting back and none of the case studies seem to mention screamers. Any tips? I have resorted to feeding him to sleep often but I'm really keen not to reinforce this as he wont take a bottle and at 6months now I would like to be able to have my DH put him dow every so often...any advice really appreciated

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fizzbuzz · 20/10/2007 20:29

I thought the shushing was just for very little babies....and just patting for 6 month old.

Is he old enough for pu/pd...can't remember if he is due, to doing similar with 15 month old dd and very sleep deprived....

Original poster

TheJen · 20/10/2007 20:36

I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be doing to be honest. The PU/PD thing we do, trouble is I'm a bit inconsistent as I'm not sure what to do. Do I still PD if he's still crying? Help! Really want naps to feel positive and not this battle ground they've become...

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fizzbuzz · 20/10/2007 20:43

No, you are meant to put him down the seond he stops crying. Even if he starts crying 1/2 way down, lay him down, then pick him up straight away.

No eye contact, just say night night, naptime or whatever

toomanyshoes · 20/10/2007 20:44

My dd did this at about the same age and we did pick up/put down. Only put her down once she had stopped crying and kept interaction/eye contact to a minimum when soothing her to keep her calm (used to think it was play time if too much talking etc!) just held her and patted her til she stopped then straight back in cot. Often cried again as soon as we put her down but just stuck with it and she soon got back on track with naps etc. I loved baby whisperer, just couldn't bear the idea of controlled crying etc and meant I never had to leave her sobbing or not pick her up when upset. Good luck, she will soon grow out of it!

TrickORTripletEm · 20/10/2007 20:44

TheJen!!
Please stick to the pu/pd method. I have triplets and it worked for me. But to be honest you need someone that can help help you during the day,because I hardly got any sleep for the first three nights.keep going,its tough but better for you in the long run.promise

SpacePuppy · 20/10/2007 20:48

is he teething perhaps?

fizzbuzz · 20/10/2007 20:57

triplets OMG How did you survive that?
It must have been like that game where they all keep popping up and you have to keep pushing them down

TrickORTripletEm · 20/10/2007 21:03

LOL Fizzbuzz yeah now you come to mention it.......
I did it one and two at a time. DS went in his own room so did him first,then the two dd's went in their room and I sorted them out!!
Can't tell you the nights I spent asleep on the landing,waiting for a cry from either of the rooms!!!!!

Original poster

TheJen · 20/10/2007 21:04

Thanks guys...triplets... feel a bit pathetic now for worrying about one baby's naps
...to be honest I'm beginning to think I might not be reading the right book.. I have the 'secrets of the baby whisperer' but am scanning it for tips at the moment and can't find anything about PU/PD in it. I am just flying by the seat of my pants and you're totally right about needing support- DH is fab but works long hours and really just goes with whatever I say re DS at the w/e which I find too much responsibility.
Let me tell you how my day went today and maybe you can help.
7.40 Wake, BF
8.00 Solids and play
9.30 looking sleepy, to nursery, play music etc shh and put down.. screamed etc PU/PD eventually BF again to calm put down awake and fell asleep- woken 10 mins later by postman grrr
10.40 give up and out for walk in buggy.
Basically same again and attempted nap at 3 screamed so much thought he was going to be sick after 45 mins fed to sleep again and now feel so miserable, like I've failed today . I hate being inconsistent but not sure what to do. How long should he be awake for? Am I letting him get too tired? Or trying to put him down too early? I wait for the yawns and seven mile stare... honest!

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fizzbuzz · 20/10/2007 21:09

Seems like a very long gap in bewtween naps.....I thought it was 2-3 hours at this age. Is it possible he was overtired when you tried to put him down?

SuperMonkey · 20/10/2007 21:09

Sorry, can I just hijack a little as I'm having a similar problem? When you PU/PD, do you leave the room after the PD if they are still crying or is it a PU straight away?

fizzbuzz · 20/10/2007 21:12

Pick up straight away unless they are toddlers, then you leave the room and come straight back in.

Bw calls it Walk in Walk out

SuperMonkey · 20/10/2007 21:13

Thank

TrickORTripletEm · 20/10/2007 21:13

I found the key word...routine,was a blessing

You have to get a plan and stick to it no matter what(so difficult and sometimes not possible)

When it was nap time,if anyone was in the house I used to ask them to leave or if we were out I would come home. I used to even stick a note on my door,my nieghbours still laugh now and refer to it as the hours of lock down!!

I would darken the room,get babes in their cots and then sit on the landing,or if one of them was distressed by the door so that they could see me and do the pu/pd method. Also I found reading a book out loud(Not a baby one as they can be a bit excitable)calmly whilst the babes were crying,soothed them..they could see me,but there was no eye contact and I was occupied. They are crafty little monkeys and if they see mummy doing nothing they'll make you do something!!!

Have you watched the Baby whisperer on T.V?
I prefered it more than the books,as you could actually see the results she was having.Don't feel pathetic!! One baby can be just as stressful as three.

TrickORTripletEm · 20/10/2007 21:16

You can still do the pu/pd method(pu when crying,put down when calm)and stay in the room. Stay by the cot on the first night,then very slowly night by night move nearer towards the door until you are outside the room,top of the stairs,halfway down,then vitory...the sofa!!!

Original poster

TheJen · 20/10/2007 21:17

Yes was awake much longer than normal today- normally only manages 2 hours awake but DH was playing with him and he showed no signs. Usually naps 2 hours in morning, awake for 2 hours and naps for 90 mins or so after lunch maybe another power nap 4.30 ish but over last 2-3 weeks it's all gone wrong. Where in the book does it tell me what to do about PU/PD etc and how long they should be awake?

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MadamePlatypus · 20/10/2007 21:20

Try the babywhisperer website if you want more info. I think timing is really key with sleep training. An interesting, and I hope not too confusing point of view, put forward by the man who wrote 'Healthy Sleep, Happy Child' is that feeding before sleep is OK if you time it right and its just to sooth them before they fall asleep. I think his name is Weisbluth?

He also advises starting the calm down routine about an half an hour to an hour before you think your baby will be sleepy so you can really watch out for the signs.

With DD I only tried to get her to sleep in her cot for one sleep and took her out in the buggy or car for the other. This allowed me to get out of the house. Spending an entire day trying to sort out naps would have sent me round the bend.

Another thought is that as SpacePuppy says, despite your best intentions teething or the onset of a cold will always mess up your plans...

Original poster

TheJen · 20/10/2007 21:20

So it's PU when crying and PD when calm... what if calming when picked up?

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Original poster

TheJen · 20/10/2007 21:21

oops meant NOT calming when picked up!

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TrickORTripletEm · 20/10/2007 21:22

Have you tried two good naps.? Oh and don't open the curtains until you think you have tried long enough at naptime(used to give myself 45mins),so they understand that dark is sleepy time and light is wake up time.

MadamePlatypus · 20/10/2007 21:22

That should read "half an hour to an hour", and you only do this in the beginning to check that your timing is right.

TrickORTripletEm · 20/10/2007 21:24

Yes pick up when baby starts to cry as soon as baby is settled put back down. If baby settles when you go to pick him/her up just give gentle praise and rub his/her back and step away again.

MadamePlatypus · 20/10/2007 21:25

I think with PU PD you have to remember the message you are giving is "I am here and I won't leave, but you are going to go to sleep". You are not trying to calm them completely (like shush pat), you are trying to communicate what is going on.

TrickORTripletEm · 20/10/2007 21:28

Also I had really long nights of maybe pu/pd 60 times in a row,BUT you can see the difference very quickly in the amount of times you do it. Don't count how many days you've done it,as it will seem long,watch the number of times the pu/pd count drops.

Original poster

TheJen · 20/10/2007 21:31

Oh so it's different to shhh pat...if he's still screaming do I just put him down again? How quickly do I pick him up again? How long should I do this for? I do something along these lines but after an hour I give in and then feel like it's all been in vain... feels so unfair to him. Which book does Baby Whisp outline this all in?

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