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Original poster

At the end of my tether 3am waking for 6 month old

26 replies

Layladylay234 · 20/11/2020 06:27

I really need help/advice from people who've been here as this is really starting to impact my mental health.

6 month old,sleeps from 7pm -3am,most nights without problem/many wake ups. From 3am, she starts to stir and then wakes every 30-45 mins. It sometimes takes me that long to get her back off so by the time in back in bed, I'm wide awake and worrying about when she'll next wake up. And thus the cycle continues ask morning. So I'm basically awake from 3am every day.

I know about sleep regression, development, sleep cycles. Yes I know all this is normal. This doesn't help at 4.30 am when she starts to stir again and I'm still awake. She's not hungry, she's not wet. Yes she's teething but once she's up for the day, she's generally fine.

Co sleeping doesn't work, she gets no comfort from it We use white noise but it's starting to feel like water torture to me.

We're in a 2 bed house as renovating our new one and it won't be ready until Easter. The 11 and 10 year old step daughter are in it. There is room for a cot and we are thinking about putting her in there with them to see how she goes.

I'm worried about my mental health. I've had it bad in the past but this is beginning to get to another level. I'm worried about her,she's had dark circles under her eyes for months and is clearly tired when she gets up for the day. She naps great in the day,that defo doesn't need to be changed as I've tried cutting one out on the suggestion of a sleep programme and she just fell asleep at the same time as her nap regardless. She self settles at nap time and up until 3am,but not when she wakes then.

Please has anyone got any suggestions

OP posts:
OverTheRainbow88 · 20/11/2020 06:37

Sometimes this shitty periods just need to be ridden out as such, but yes starting the day at 3am is very shite.

If not hungry, sad; wet; cold; teething etc I’m
Not really sure what to suggest. But sending solidarity.

becca3210 · 20/11/2020 06:40

When you do get her back off to sleep how are you managing this - is she feeding to sleep/being rocked etc.?

notasillysausage · 20/11/2020 06:41

I’ve always found that’s when my house is at its coldest, could you set your heating to come on for an hour at 2am to take any chill off? See if it makes a difference.

Passthecake30 · 20/11/2020 06:44

Have you tried waking her up when you go to bed, at 10ish, for a drink? Then the second cycle of sleep would be the longer one. My two are preteens now and didn’t sleep through until they were 2, so you might have a long road ahead. I think finding ways to catch up on sleep, like going to bed early yourself, naps at the afternoon etc may help your mental health.

Allthenumbers · 20/11/2020 06:50

I was going to suggest coldness too? I think we’re in lighter stages of sleep at that time so if she’s stirring and then cold it might fully wake her.

My 2 yr old couldn’t seem to get back to sleep in the early hours the other day so I popped a blanket over her (On top of her sleeping bag) and it helped. Or do as pp suggested and put heating on.

Original poster
Layladylay234 · 20/11/2020 06:52

@becca3210

When you do get her back off to sleep how are you managing this - is she feeding to sleep/being rocked etc.?
It can vary,sometimes she goes off with just my hand on her tummy telling her it's sleepy time. Other times it's a bit of rocking. She goes off easily enough most nights but she ten wakes not long after going down
OP posts:
Allthenumbers · 20/11/2020 06:52

Also, I know how awful sleep deprivation is and particularly the early mornings. You’ve got this though. You will sleep again.

Original poster
Layladylay234 · 20/11/2020 06:54

@Allthenumbers

I was going to suggest coldness too? I think we’re in lighter stages of sleep at that time so if she’s stirring and then cold it might fully wake her.

My 2 yr old couldn’t seem to get back to sleep in the early hours the other day so I popped a blanket over her (On top of her sleeping bag) and it helped. Or do as pp suggested and put heating on.

Yes I thought this a few times to and left the hearing on overnight. Maybe will try it again but can't remember it making a difference. She already has 2 layers,sleeping bag and blanket over her and she seems to get comfort from being tucked in tight and loved being swaddled.
OP posts:
FTEngineerM · 20/11/2020 06:56

Do you go down at 7 with her? That’s a great sleep if so, if not then start.

Original poster
Layladylay234 · 20/11/2020 06:57

@Passthecake30

Have you tried waking her up when you go to bed, at 10ish, for a drink? Then the second cycle of sleep would be the longer one. My two are preteens now and didn’t sleep through until they were 2, so you might have a long road ahead. I think finding ways to catch up on sleep, like going to bed early yourself, naps at the afternoon etc may help your mental health.
You mean fully waking? We do a dream feed which she takes but have been thinking about trying
OP posts:
Original poster
Layladylay234 · 20/11/2020 06:58

@FTEngineerM

Do you go down at 7 with her? That’s a great sleep if so, if not then start.
In an ideal world,yes this would work. However,I'd then be missing out on time with my other kids and partner.
OP posts:
Original poster
Layladylay234 · 20/11/2020 07:03

Sorry,also meant to say thank you all for the support x

OP posts:
AlwaysLatte · 20/11/2020 07:09

Could she go to bed later? Our two went to bed when we did when they were tiny, so 10-11 pm. It really helped us all get a good night's sleep!

CharlieB93 · 20/11/2020 07:19

OP we had exactly the same issue - I dropped the dream feed last week and she’s been sleeping 7-5.30 most days, (my dd is also 6 months)

Original poster
Layladylay234 · 20/11/2020 07:21

@AlwaysLatte

Could she go to bed later? Our two went to bed when we did when they were tiny, so 10-11 pm. It really helped us all get a good night's sleep!
Oh god no lol. She's so ready for bed at 6.30/7. I dread to think what she would be like if she had to stay up later!
OP posts:
Original poster
Layladylay234 · 20/11/2020 07:35

@CharlieB93

OP we had exactly the same issue - I dropped the dream feed last week and she’s been sleeping 7-5.30 most days, (my dd is also 6 months)
Can I ask if your baby is formula or breast fed. Mine is the first and I'm starting to think she's not getting enough calories in the day. But when we offer her a feed when she wakes at 3,she rarely wants it.
OP posts:
CharlieB93 · 20/11/2020 07:38

@Layladylay234 formula fed! I read somewhere that at 6 months it can do more harm than good disturbing their sleep so we thought we’d give it a try to drop it - she’s definitely made up for it during the day though. Now eating 8oz every 3.5 hours. Also she seems a lot more content during the day.

4amWitchingHour · 20/11/2020 08:16

Wind? My LO had been unsettled from about 4am for a week or two, and the last few nights I've been winding him properly after night feeds - he'd stopped seeming to need it so I stopped, but now I've started again he's sleeping better. As a PP said could the dream feed be causing discomfort? Either drop feed or try winding?

Melabells · 20/11/2020 08:26

I wanted to reply because I am in your shoes at the moment. My 8 month old is mixed fed and eats three little meals a day however I was getting up with her every two hours and I was getting to point that I was dreading night time and starting to resent her at night. I moved her into her own room start of this week, she is still waking but far less so now on average she wakes at 11/12, 230/330 and 6. I feel a bit more human, is there anyway you can move her to another room? I'm considering a sleep consultant but not yet 🙈

Reclinehard · 20/11/2020 08:29

Our solution was to co sleep until 7 months then use the happy sleeper book by someone Sturgeon and someone else

christinarossetti19 · 20/11/2020 08:32

What time do you go to bed OP?

I understand that going really early would mean missing out on time with your other children and partner but, from what you've said, your sleep and mental health is a priority at the moment.

Presumably you see the rest of your family in the morning and from after school onwards. If you get your head down at 8pm and explain to your household why you're doing this, sounds like you might be able to get 7 hours or so sleep.

You don't even have to do this every night. Every other night would be 100% better than your current situation. Use ear plugs if the noise form the rest of the family might disturb you.

It's not idea, but it's such a short time in the great scheme of your lives, and prioritising sleep is an absolute must.

Original poster
Layladylay234 · 20/11/2020 08:35

@Melabells

I wanted to reply because I am in your shoes at the moment. My 8 month old is mixed fed and eats three little meals a day however I was getting up with her every two hours and I was getting to point that I was dreading night time and starting to resent her at night. I moved her into her own room start of this week, she is still waking but far less so now on average she wakes at 11/12, 230/330 and 6. I feel a bit more human, is there anyway you can move her to another room? I'm considering a sleep consultant but not yet 🙈
Yes,I think her being in a different room might help. Generally when I've had 5 hours sleep in the past with her I've been able to function. So even that would help. I'm going to try her in the other bedroom but it will mean sharing with an 11 year old until we move if it works. So if she wakes them up,it will be a no go. I'm hoping that even if she stirs,they won't wake as they won't be as conscious of her as us.
OP posts:
Original poster
Layladylay234 · 20/11/2020 08:37

@christinarossetti19

What time do you go to bed OP?

I understand that going really early would mean missing out on time with your other children and partner but, from what you've said, your sleep and mental health is a priority at the moment.

Presumably you see the rest of your family in the morning and from after school onwards. If you get your head down at 8pm and explain to your household why you're doing this, sounds like you might be able to get 7 hours or so sleep.

You don't even have to do this every night. Every other night would be 100% better than your current situation. Use ear plugs if the noise form the rest of the family might disturb you.

It's not idea, but it's such a short time in the great scheme of your lives, and prioritising sleep is an absolute must.

We defo discussed this at the start of the week so I think if after the weekend,her going in her siblings room doesn't work,I'll start doing that. My partner has poor sleep hygiene anyway so I think he's finding it a bit easier to cope than me but it can't continue on with us both only getting 4 hours sleep
OP posts:
christinarossetti19 · 20/11/2020 08:47

Yeah, it's a bit grim but it does help.

I did this (years ago) and realised that what I had thought of as 'me time' when the children were in bed was just a time for me to grumpily do things that I'd been too tired to do during the day.

When I had more sleep, I had more energy and motivation, and the days felt much more manageable.

Best of luck. Sleep deprivation is the worse, especially when you can't see an end to it.

Original poster
Layladylay234 · 20/11/2020 19:57

Update to all who were supportive earlier. After an exhausting day,we have put her in her siblings room to sleep. Am feeling so anxious I think even if she sleeps better tonight,I'll be up and worried! But fingers crossed we all sleep a bit better tonight

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