Potty training impacting sleep - help!

[ineedsleepineedsleep]

DS is 2y10m. He is a cheery little boy, and usually very well behaved apart from the usual tantrums when tired and/or hungry. But he has always been a DREADFUL sleeper. We have battled through trying various gentle sleep training techniques and eventually got ourselves to a point at which he would go to sleep without a fuss if I stayed with him and held his hand and then most of the time (4-5 nights per week) slept through. Great.

But then 2 months ago we started toilet training. He has taken to it really well both at nursery and at home and is now only having a couple of accidents a week during the daytime. Given the poor sleep, I wanted to avoid night-time disturbances as much as possible and decided to keep him in a nappy overnight. But every since that first week, his sleep has completely gone to pot. He has started waking up multiple times in the night and crying until I come – and then insisting I hold his hand until he falls asleep. Sometimes he does, other times he rolls around wide awake for hours. Sometimes he tells me he needs a wee, sometimes he's not bothered. Wednesday night I was up with him from 1-5am, and last night he woke 4 times. FOUR. It’s like he’s a tiny baby again!

I’ve tried to talk to him about why he wakes up and why he gets upset but he just tells me “because I did” or “because I need you Mummy”. Both DH and I work full-time, but DH works much longer hours than me and so I do the lion’s share of childcare. This means that he also refuses to let DH put him to bed and insists on it being me. If I try to insist on DH doing it, or if I try to leave the room / not hold his hand he gets very upset very quickly. I’m now spending anywhere up to an hour putting him to sleep every night, plus re-settling him multiple times in the middle of the night (which can take anywhere from 5 minutes to several hours). HELP. Any pearls of wisdom from those more experienced than me would be gratefully received. I would love us to start thinking about TTC for DC2 but there is just no way I could cope if things stay as they are. I am on my knees

It's not really anything to do with potty training I don't think- night dryness is hormonal and cannot be trained.

DS 'needs me' a lot as well. We started alternating bedtimes when he was a similar age to your DS. Very little fuss after the first few days. But I can now also say night night and leave the room while he settles himself. He doesn't always sleep through but we've got to a point where I tuck him back in or whatever and then we say night night and blow kisses again and I wander back out to bed.

And this week, one night he called out for DH and I didn't even realise....

Does he still nap?

Thank you for the reply you're probably right that it doesn't have anything to do with potty training - but obviously Dr Google suggested it might do. Perhaps more something psychological about going through a change & feeling insecure and therefore more needy?

How did you get to a point where you were able to alternate bedtime? Did you just go out one evening & leave your DH to deal or did you do it more gently?

Oh and yes he does still nap, for an hour at lunchtime. We have tried to drop it but he gets absolutely shattered come mid afternoon

We discussed it first and said it was going to be happening. Then I did go out the first couple of times as I didn't want to hear any upset. Then he was fine.

I've generally been very gentle with all transitions but bedtime was breaking me.

It didn't improve for us til he dropped the nap though (and that was soon after 2). Yes there were some days where he was shattered but a responsive early tea and bed was the best we could do.