2 year old co sleeper still breastfeeding multiple times through the night

[Mydarlingsleepthief]

Does anyone else have a toddler who still doesn’t sleep through?

We co sleep and she breastfeeds probably every two to three hours through the night. I’m shattered and can’t continue this indefinitely.

We are moving house soon so I’m wanting her to go into her own bed, but how on earth do I do this and stop feeding her without traumatising her?!

The issue is that now you've been doing it for so long, the habits are seriously ingrained for your baby. It's unlikely you'll manage to change things without some tears, but she won't be traumatised.

If i were you I'd involve her in picking a new duvet for her cot or similar, make it exciting, tell her now she's a big girl she gets to sleep in her own room! How cool! Then put her in there for bedtime and let her figure it out.

How does she fall asleep usually?

If you're shattered and want to stop, then you have to make the decision for your child. At the age she is now, she doesn't need breastmilk or night feeds, it's just a habit. Like any habit, the habit can be broken. Short-term, it will be traumatic but more for you than her. If it's really what you want, then you will have to bite the bullet and ride the storm.

I recommend cold turkey, otherwise you're just prolonging the agony. She's old enough to understand that this change is going to happen but sweeten the blow by making her bed and bedroom extra special for her. New bedding, extra decoration and a new soft toy would all help.

Just remember, you will suffer more than she will.

This was my son. when we got to 2 years 4 months I had enough. I stopped feeding him.... told him the milk was empty and he started sleeping 4 hours then 6 then 10. the first 3 nights were tough but now he settles with cuddles

I did it gradually between 2 years 6 months and 2 years 9 months. First to go was the bed time feed, gave it a couple of weeks, next the morning feed, just leap out of bed quick before they get chance to feed. A couple of weeks later offer water before a feed in the night and only allow a quick suck. Increase the amount of food in the day and they should sleep longer at night. Then once I was down to one feed a night (it was actually one every 3 nights) I told him milk was for babies and he was my big boy and he accepted it and stopped.
I know someone else who offered ice cream instead as the child preferred ice cream.
He's just starting to sleep through in his own bed at 3 and 3 months. I'm bribing him a full night in his own bed and he gets a dip in the lucky dip bag. Its working well. A nice bedroom won't cut it with mine.

@Ohalrightthen

The issue is that now you've been doing it for so long, the habits are seriously ingrained for your baby. It's unlikely you'll manage to change things without some tears, but she won't be traumatised.

If i were you I'd involve her in picking a new duvet for her cot or similar, make it exciting, tell her now she's a big girl she gets to sleep in her own room! How cool! Then put her in there for bedtime and let her figure it out.

How does she fall asleep usually?

Not true. I nightweaned DS without tears at 21 mo. Just had to be done slowly and gently.

Nor do you have to suddenly just dump them in a bedroom and leave them there.

@Mydarlingsleepthief please reply if you'd like to chat more about gentle night weaning and reducing cosleeping. We've done it. DS didn't have to cry.

Please that would be amazing @harrysmummy246

Just picked up my sleep thief from nursery but will reply later....

If you have a partner it is their turn to do night time parenting. This is how I weaned mine off night feeds. They soon quit waking in the night.

Not necessarily @BrokenLink

DS didn't accept DH as an alternative at night time, and only rarely does now.

@Mydarlingsleepthief night weaning was done slowly. We read 'loving comfort: a toddler weaning story' daily. For weeks
Talked about the boy in the book. About getting bigger, about mummy being tired, about maybe just having cuddles.
Bedtime feed had 3 chances and then no more if delatching and night feeds had a countdown to delatch or I would. We gradually made those shorter and less fully back to sleep. Then I'd offer a cuddle or water first. If there was a big fuss, we BF and tried again another time. Then I decided we'd give it a go to end night boob. Talked about it, explained how tired it made mummy (again) and said milk was finishing. Still bedshared, cuddles as much as needed. No tears.
Stopped asking by night 3.

Bedtime feed was last to go, having dwindled to barely minutes on one boob. Said no more one night. 30s fuss before he was more bothered about a book. 21 mo

No cold turkey, no complete loss of mummy, no ignoring. It doesn't have to be like that. Depends on whether you want to be slow, steady and respectful of both of your feelings or 'rip the plaster' as others are suggesting.

As for cosleeping- well, we still do, when needed, or when I can't be bothered not to lie down next to him in the single bed but it's getting tighter in there and i'd like my nights back, so I'm trying to sit next to him until he's drifting back off, and we're bigging up the 'have a drink, find ted, see if you can do it yourself approach'

so very very non-typical for MN I guess but there is another way