Has anyone not sleep trained at all?

[Ra9902]

Has anyone just decided to throw the books away and let nature take its course? If so when did your little one sleep through?

I’ve been doing some reading about different parenting approaches and cultural differences around the world in relation to babies and sleeping (tend to have been obsessed with reading / finding a solution for my none sleepy 8.5 month old!). It tends to only be in the West that we obsess about strict routines, independent sleeping, sleeping through at an early age and stigmatise breastfeeding past a certain age / cosleeping.

Not criticising people who like routines and sleep training by the way but I wish I’d known / considered that that approach wasn’t the ONLY option when I first had DD. Spent a lot of the time reading the books people gave me thinking I had to do xyz and feeling guilty or like a failure for ‘slipping up’ and cosleeping. I think I’d have been a lot less stressed I’d taken this stance from the beginning...easier said than done though!

I was just curious if anyone else had just rolled with it and at what age their child started to sleep through and then slept in their own room. I care far less about independent sleeping than I do sleeping - I don’t care if DD is in my bed till she’s 2 as long as she not awake half the night (like now) 😁

3 children, never did any sleep training. All of them learnt to sleep through the night by age 3. I could never bring myself to leave them to cry. Fortunately, I was a SAHP so never had to deal with going out to work on no sleep.

No judgement about what other parents do, everyone has to decided for themselves.

DD co slept until 5 years old. She finally went into her own room and ds joined her about 6 months later after he turned 3. Both of them fed to sleep until 3 years.

At the moment they are both brilliant sleepers. We read a book each, kisses, nightlight and I leave the room. They are usually asleep within 10 minutes. DD will still wake at least once but stays in her bed. I sound smug but I fucking earned it! 5 and a half years of dream feeding, night wakings, nappies that soaked through, kicks, punches, and chewed nipples 😩

DD didn't sleep through until 4 and u til then woke 4-5 times each night, it was hell as I work full time but I got used to it but it took a lot of mental energy, me always worrying about whether I was doing things 'right' as our strategy was just me going through to comfort her and hold her back to sleep. DS is 13 months and I'm being a lot more chilled as a result, he comes in with me on first wake up, he feeds a bit in the night, we all sleep. Only thing I'd chabge is maybe get a super kingsize!

No sleep training at all and both kids slept through the night in their own beds from around 2.5. Before that was quite a bit of co-sleeping but not much waking at night after the age of 1 or so.

@AnneLovesGilbert

Me.

I care far less about independent sleeping than I do sleeping

I’m with you on this ^

I find MN generally pro sleep training and I don’t get it at all. If you’re on fb have you come across the beyond sleep training project? Kindred spirits aplenty.

Love the beyond sleep training project.

No sleep training here either. Don't judge those that do, it's just not for me. I'm not a "mummy martyr" either. DS is 18m. We cosleep after the first wake up in his bed- he's in a small double floor bed- and that wake up depends alot on what's going on in his life. He's currently getting teeth in so waking more. I fed to sleep up until three months ago when he changed track: he now nurses, rolls over and into me for a cuddle and falls asleep shortly after. Does the same for his dad minus the milk. Expecting no 2 and will do the same with them.

I didn't sleep train with either. Ds stopped co sleeping with us when ds2 was born, of his own accord! He was 4. Ds2 is 2 and co sleeps.

I haven't done any form of sleep training. Its been a rollercoaster of different methods of getting him to sleep from singing rocking (lots of) co sleeping, feeding to sleep, sleeping in his pram with his dad downstairs until around 11 months we thought we would try and put him in the cot with his dad laying next to him and gradually over the course of 2-3 months he now (finally) sleeps through with the odd wake up. He night weaned around the same time and I think his Dad doing the whole night routine helped. We have never had tears at bedtime he just wasn't ready. Personally I couldn't do sleep training it didn't feel natural to me and I have zero regrets

No, we didnt sleep train, it just wasnt a bit of me and i knew it wasnt right for us.

Our DS didnt sleep through fully until about 11months or even 1 year old. But it didnt worry me, he was getting plenty of sleep and slept through when he did.

Dont waste that time upsetting yourself or them if its not a massive deal to you. Dont listen to others, do what's right in your gut and heart and you wont go far wrong.

Never sleep trained, DD1 started sleeping through around 9m, DD2 never did so I gently night weaned her at 20m, now she sleeps through mostly, wakes maybe once a week for a wee or a drink of water, which is fine. I miss the cosleeping tbh but needed her in her own bed before baby no3 so they didn't gang up on me at 4am! I don't know many people who've needed to sleep train

I haven’t sleep trained DS who will be 3 in a few days. In the past few months he’s started to sleep through in his own bed from 7:30 to 6:30 or so, which is a win for me. It’s definitely not every night and we’re still getting there. As pp have said I care more about actually getting some sleep more than him learning to sleep without me. I tried for a few months last summer to get him to stay all night in his own bed but fuck, it was hell. I got no sleep and had to go to work like a zombie.

I think you know your own child. I have plenty of friends who sleep trained and that suited them but my DS is a really highly strung wee boy and I couldn’t face the thought of leaving him to cry. I know it would be hellish. And one thing that really stuck with me was a conversation I had with my lovely boss - he and his wife tried for months to sleep train their son and it didn’t work. Eventually he started sleeping through when he was 3. Don’t feel that you ‘should’ do anything- you know your child and your situation better than anyone else.

Fed to sleep until 12m, now I or DH sit and hold LOs hand and pat back when she goes to sleep (now 2). Sometimes she sleeps through or wakes up once or twice. We have a routine, which is bath, story and bed. Wouldn't leave her alone to cry though.

Thanks for all the replies! It seems most of the people I’ve spoken to from NCT and friends / family members with young babies are all pro sleep training (not necessarily crying methods) so it almost felt like a given from the start or I get the impression some of them would think I’m ‘soft’ for not doing it. Even my GP told me to do cry it out when I mentioned sleep troubles (despite my health visitor saying they no longer recommend this). My GP said..and I quote “Babies are like puppies in that it’s all learned behaviour”.

It’s reassuring to hear a lot of people don’t bother...the Facebook group looks great too I’ll check that out. Again I’m not bashing sleep training, it’s what works for the family but it was more the expectation that my baby ‘should’ be sleeping better that made me feel like I was failing. Whereas in some other cultures they accept that babies are rubbish sleepers for the first few years so it’s just the norm.

My son was ill, so we couldn’t sleep train (I wouldn’t CC or similar anyway for personal reasons, but we couldn’t even do the rub the back and gradually back out the room). He’d sleep for 30-40 minutes then wake in pain and be up for three hours while I sung to him/walked about cuddling, the whole cycle again. I felt utterly insane with this lack of sleep! After his Op around 10 months old, he began to sleep much better. It took until about a year and a half for him to sleep all the way through regularly. When he began sleeping through, he always woke early morning and still does (bedtime makes little difference to wake up time for him), around 5:30am. He’s 5yo. He certainly sleeps through now unless there’s a bad dream and is pretty good at going to sleep at bedtime. We coslept in babyhood, but around age 1 and a half to 2 he got his own bed in his own bedroom and was fine in it.

I'm glad it's been reassuring for you, OP. As you say, we're in a minority culturally in expecting babies to sleep through from a few months old. It's not biologically realistic for most babies, and I've read that some studies have found that sleep trained babies don't actually sleep more than others- it's a process of learning not to disturb mum and dad, rather than actually learning to sleep. Sleep is developmental and they sleep through when ready.

We didn't sleep train, and DD finally started getting through the night without needing one of us to routinely join her when she went to school. We have two mattresses on the floor in her room for the nights when she still needs company - she's been promised a bed of her choice once she can get to sleep without one of us there. DD is an only; I completely see why this wouldn't work for others.

I think sometimes sleep training has a bad rep. I tried to help my child’s sleep just as I helped them start out with solids or potty train. No crying, but a good routine, when newborn the appropriate help (swaddling, white noise) and then 4m+ a cost sleeping bag, quiet room, consistent routine etc. My first took 15 months to sleep through but only woke once for a feed which was fine, never tried to wean her off this particularly she just dropped it. DC2 slept through at 6 months.

I think what’s frustrating sometimes is people coming on saying ‘I’m struggling I’m so so tired depressed baby wakes 40,000 times a night’ but then refuses any kind of sleep training and won’t co-sleep etc. What do you want people to say!? If my children had been waking a LOT after 9 months or so when I went back to work I would have had to intervene as I couldn’t cope with broken sleep + work.

No sleep training, all cuddled to sleep, all bedshare. Through the night at 2 & a half, 3, 3 (but the 3’s were only waking to nurse & fall back asleep - my eldest didn’t feed to sleep which was a bloody nightmare)

All still bedshare which works for our family but equally the older ones will sleep alone on holiday etc (5 yr old only wants to sleep next to me)

Nope DS has never been sleep trained. BF on demand in night til very gentle night weaning at 21mo. COsleep as necessary and that's gradually dropping off now to hardly ever just after he turned 3 and often sleeps through

Dd is 5 and still wakes for a while in the night. She comes into bed with us and takes up to an hour to get back to sleep. I don't mind, I like the wriggling, but my husband would rather she stay in her own bed. (Id pick her over him as a bed fellow any day, but know iabu.

No sleep training here, I could never do it and don’t agree it’s for anyone’s benefit.
Breastfed and co slept with my son and he did wake regularly through the night until 2.5 yrs but would easily go back to sleep each time so I barely noticed it. He’s now gone into his own room as I’m heavily pregnant and we were running out of space (plus I didn’t want him to feel he’s been kicked out for new baby) he’s also dropped his day nap and my milk is mostly gone. So some combination of the 3 has got him sleeping 10 hours through the night. If he ever does wake up he hops in with us and goes back to sleep easily.
I will be doing the same with my newborn and in fact will worry a lot less about naps with this one as it was an utter pain stressing about it!

Ha thanks for this post, literally just what I was looking for.... my 8.5 month old has never really slept through, I don’t want to sleep train and I just can’t be bothered to try anymore 😂 she’s got herself into a good nap routine and I know when it’s bedtime.... awake windows are good to follow I find. If I can’t be bothered to put her back in the cot I just keep her in with me, I used to feel guilty but now I just enjoy it. It works 🤷🏻‍♀️

Happy to read about mums doing the same and following what I plan to do 😍