Toddler waking when baby feeds

[RuubySoho]

Hi. I have a 2 year old who has always slept in bed with me, my husband is not enough it has to be me. If I leave him to sleep alone he will wake and cry for me, so we abandoned moving him to his own room. I am happy to bed share with him as this brings him comfort.

I also have a 4 week old baby, who sleeps well but naturally wakes once or twice in the night to feed. I take the baby to another room to feed, stay quiet and keep lights low.

But my son wakes when he senses I’m not next to him! He can take hours to get back to sleep, worse than the baby!! He’s cranky in the day because he’s not getting enough sleep (makes two of us!!)

I wonder if he’ll get used to this. He doesn’t want to sleep with daddy and will wake up for me if alone in his own bed!

Any ideas for a tired mum?

I wouldn't leave the room and feed the baby in bed with you. If you are bottle feeding, can you warm bottles in the room?

Your eldest will adapt but it must be exhausting if it takes ages to resettle him, so best avoided if possible.

Congratulations on your new baby!

Personally I think you need to get him used to sleeping in his own bed.

Thanks both. Yes bottle feeding, was worried that me making up the bottle would make too much noise, but will try staying in bed if it’ll help him to stay asleep.

Sofa, in the early hours of this morning I was thinking the only solution is for him to be in his own room, but I feel so guilty, like I’ll be pushing him out for the new baby, replacing him... motherhood is one massive guilt trip

in the early hours of this morning I was thinking the only solution is for him to be in his own room, but I feel so guilty, like I’ll be pushing him out for the new baby, replacing him... motherhood is one massive guilt trip

Cosleeping is a very personal thing so I am of course coming at it from my perspective, it might not be right for you. But my DD is nearly 2 and is very happy in her own room, like most babies she didn't used to want to be left, there was middle of the night rocking etc, but actually now she happily tucks herself in while I read her a story, and when I've finished she says "night night, see you tomorrow" and I can leave her there wide awake and she will be asleep in minutes.

Having their own room doesn't have to be a source of angst, it stands them in good stead to learn to be comfortable going to sleep on their own, and indeed comfortable without you in general! The older they get the more they will need those skills. You're not pushing him out or replacing him, try not to feel guilty about that, it is actually a positive thing if you can teach him to sleep alone.

Is there anything you could try that might entice him into his own room? Themed bed, mural wall etc... If you can get him excited to move into his "big boy" room you might have better luck. You may find if some time has passed since you last tried, he's at a better age now.

But it's entirely up to you, that's just what I would do, I couldn't cope with a newborn if the older child wasn't sleeping well in their own room!