4 month old only sleeps when held

[bucke]

Hello Mumsnet!
FTM here and I'm in need of advise. My 4 month old DS only sleeps during the day when held. He is OK throughout the night and at bedtime will eventually go into his bedside crib, but usually after he has fought and cried after being put down a few times and is absolutely exhausted. For the first 3 months of his life we took the fourth trimester approach and did whatever he needed to make him feel secure. This involved rocking to sleep usually and holding him throughout his daytime naps. Since he turned 3 months we have made many attempts to put him down for his naps after rocking him to sleep. He wakes and cries every time and gets more and more hysterical at each attempt. It takes so long that it completely messes up any semblance of a routine. I'm not comfortable with any CIO techniques so we end up holding him again. He is now 4 months and I'm struggling to cope holding him for every nap while DH is at work. He's getting too heavy for the sling. He will occasionally fall asleep in the pushchair but will wake as soon as I get home and need to be rocked and held again.
I'm wondering if anyone has experienced this and can share their experience and any techniques that have worked for them. TIA

I should add that we've tried keeping the daytime noisy and bright, as was suggested to us to get him used to night and day. The last two weeks we have tried naps in his own room, quiet and dimly lit. We tried with and without white noise.

Sounds totally normal to me!

We just got by using a good sling and about 50 walks in the pram every day

We put our contact napper into the buggy and moved it up and down in the front room. Granted, at the start it took 30 minutes each time but now, he'll be asleep in the pram within 5 minutes. I never thought I'd get him off me for naps but it worked with some persistance. It wasn't CIO either.

we have made many attempts to put him down for his naps after rocking him to sleep.

The idea isn't to rock to sleep and then put down - the key and important thing you are teaching baby at the 4 month sleep regression is to go to sleep where they stay asleep. So not being got to sleep in your arms (or nearly asleep) and then put down, but going from fully awake to fully asleep in the one place, and not being moved.

The gentlest and kindest way to achieve this in a way that allows for independant sleep is to have naps in something that moves. I favour a bouncy chair but a pushchair (moved back and forth on the spot) works too if you prefer.

So you would put baby in the bouncer (or pram) when ready for a nap, start the rhythmic and non-stop movement at an even (heatbeat) tempo and keep going until baby is asleep. Then once asleep gradually slow down and stop. But stay nearby and any sign of movement from baby then restart the movement to resettle baby back into another sleep cycle.

It helps to also introduce an independant settling mechanism at the same time as this. A dummy is the best option for this IMO.

Longer term, you aim to use less and less movement until all you need do is put baby in bouncer/pram with dummy and no movement is needed to get off to sleep. That at point, you then move to naps on a stationary surface (ie the cot). Because by that point baby isn't needing the movement anymore, just the independant soother in the dummy.

He doesn’t know his fourth trimester is “up” and is being a normal healthy baby whose survival depends on you. You could just snuggle up with him for his naps and enjoy the chance to rest and watch tv and drink a nice tea!

Mrbingley and FateDestiny, thank you for the advise, I'm definitely going to try the pram method.

Isadora, I do love a good cuddle! But sometimes I need a wee...

I probably wrote a very similar post when my son was 3.5 months old and now he's almost 6 months old and sleeping in the crib day and night! So don't despair times will change, for now enjoy the cuddles.

I found a nap routine really helped. We used a sleepyhead and I feed to sleep then place him in the crib once asleep. Four weeks of doing this (sounds like a long time but not really) he's used to the space for his sleep and he only wakes for feeds. Good luck and remember it won't last forever

Oh and I should've added, I feed to sleep then wait a full 5 minutes before placing him in the crib to ensure he's in a deep sleep. I used to hold my hand on his chest for an additional 5 minutes too but don't need to do that anymore

At this age they need it to be dark and quiet (or white noise) for naps as well as bedtime sleep. Ideally have them nap where they sleep at night time. Have a pre-nap routine which is a shortened version of your bedtime routine so they know it's time to sleep. Put down drowsy by awake, only intervene if really distressed. Pick up, soothe, then put down again when calm. Repeat. If this fails a few times, resort to previous methods. Be persistent and consistentz it'll take around three days usually to start seeing results.