Tell me about the 8 month sleep regression

[BirdIsland]

My DD is 9 months and has always been an awful sleeper, only naps 2 x 35 minutes a day and wakes every 2-3 hours at night. We did CC on GP advice which is how we got the 2-3 hours at night, before this she was waking every 30 minutes. She has never slept more than 4 hours, and that was a couple of times when she was 3 months old.

The last few weeks she has really struggled getting to sleep and staying asleep. She gets really upset, I've had to resort to feeding her to sleep again and she's started waking up 30 minutes after bedtime, both of which hadn't been happening since starting CC. She's also waking more in the night, and even when she doesn't wake she often shouts mid sleep cycle, which obviously wakes me up! I'm having to feed her back to sleep 4 or 5 times between 7pm and 7am. Nothing else works to get her back to sleep.

Does this sound like the eight month regression? Is it going to get better?! We'd had a few weeks of vaguely bearable nights but it seems to be getting worse again 😔

Going back to feeding to sleep is a really big problem (unless you're planning on continuing to allow for feeds between sleep cycles long term).

Controlled crying needs absolutely consistency, in both the short term and long term (indeed any sleep training needs consistency). So if baby was taking longer to go to sleep and the settling method you chose was going in every few minutes, then when sleep is harder that needs to carry on - just with the acceptance that it will take a lot longer, with more trips in every few minutes, until baby (eventually) settles.

It's more confusing and difficult for your baby to sometimes be fed to sleep, and sometimes be left alone to cry. The cosnsitency is really important. Could you go back to controlled crying? Or would a different sleep training method be better for you?

Thanks @FATEdestiny, I really struggle with controlled crying, and only did it because I was at absolute breaking point, and also because DD wasn't getting any good sleep either. We were really consistent when we started but because she does still actually feed during the night, I had to feed her at some wakings iyswim so we couldn't be completely consistent in doing CC at every wake up.

I suppose I'm just confused as to why, a couple of weeks ago, she'd be asleep with minimal input from us within 5 minutes or so (sometimes she would literally just roll over and go to sleep!) and then stay asleep for a good three hours, and now she's taking 20 minutes or more to fall asleep then waking up 30 minutes later. It feels like we've gone backwards again. Maybe the feeding during the night is confusing her, it's just so hard to know what to do for the best.

I suppose I'm just confused as to why, a couple of weeks ago, she'd be asleep with minimal input...

Sleep isn't linear.

It is not the case that baby starts off as a terrible sleeper and gradually gets better with age. Sleep is going to be very up and down for the next couple of years at least - these regressions (where previously good sleep goes rubbish) is very likely to happen many times up until your child is around school age.

Could be one of many reasons for the regression - emotional development, physical development, illness, pain, teething - there are loads of reasons. Fact is, regressions will happen, and will happen several times, so you need a plan for what to do when sleep goes rubbish.

It is a plan to decide when DC's sleep is rubbish that you'll feed to sleep. That's fine as long as you accept that to get out of the regression at the other end you'll have to re-sleep-train. You'll also need a plan for what to do when you have a regression when older and you're no longer breastfeeding.

Alternatively, you could have a plan for giving baby extra help to sleep independently. So support and help baby to continue to go to sleep in the cot (rather than out of the cot, being fed). That way you can give the extra support when it's needed but then withdraw when it's not needed.

NB - Feeding in the night (at this age, would be different when younger) is likely to be causing confusion due to the lack of consistency.

To help baby learn to go to sleep in the cot, your baby is going to cry. Without a dummy for sucking on, that is likely to be a lot of crying. But the idea is that you stay and comfort (rather than leaving baby alone, as with controlled crying). That way, you're teaching yourself ways to comfort her in the cot, at the same time as she is learning. So then when you next face a regression, you have more tools at your disposal to use to give her extra comfort in a way to support her to sleep independently.

My suggestion would be

• Fully seperate feeding and sleeping
• Into cot fully awake
• Your hand on baby's chest quite firmly (you're aiming to keep her still, but gently)
• You leaning into the cot with your face as close to baby's as you can. Lots of calm, reassuring eye contact and compassionate composure, so dont get stressed or angry because she's struggling to learn
• Shush into her ear and pat with your hand if baby is distressed. But as soon as baby is calming, stay silent and still your hand (but keep it on chest)
• If squirming and thrashing, lift baby upright to your shoulder and immediately lie back down and back to hand firmly on chest. You're lifting to reposition not to comfort out of the cot; do all comforting in the cot

Then just keep repeating this over and over and over again. Yes, she will cry, she will cry a lot. It will take a long time but you'll be there with her.

Then, over time you'll need to pat and shush less and she calms more quickly, but keep your hand there and bend close for reassurance.

Over time from that, you start doing the hand on chest and bending close only if DC is unsettled, otherwise you remove your hand and step away when baby is calm. But go back when needed, if upset. Once she trusts that you'll come straight away if she's upset, she'll gain more confidence in sleeping on her own.

The idea from here is that during regressions (which are inevitable) you might need to go back in and offer extra reassurance for a bit. But then you have a pathway to withdraw that extra help as baby feels more settled.

Hi! It does sound like it could be the regression. I went through something similar when my boy was around 10 months and it was as if he had just forgotten how to sleep! I googled and googled and came across the 8-10 month regression. Some babies apparently go through it closer to 8 months and some go through it as late as 10/11 months. I tried EVERYTHING - changing nap/bed time, waking him, not waking him etc but actually all that seemed to work was time! It was tough but eventually he seemed to just get through it. I wouldn't change too much of what you were doing if it was working before and you were happy with it. If not, now is the time to decide the sleep setting/routine you want and go for it. Just be consistent through this phase whatever you decide to do. I think I made the mistake of trying too many things as I was just desperate for something to work. Hang in there! It will pass. X

@FATEdestiny thank you so much for your reply, it's so helpful and I'll definitely try and technique to soothe her in her cot - she's definitely a thrasher/squirmer so we'll see how it goes! I like the sound of that approach much more than CC though. I'm not sure how to tackle the night feeding, she definitely doesn't need to feed in the night as much as she does but it's such an easy way of getting her back to sleep, I'm definitely guilty of taking the easy route in the middle of the night.

@k2331 I have totally made the mistake of trying too many things! But probably none of them were actually the right things to try 😂

Yeah I drove myself crazy trying a million different things! In the end it just took time. If I was you, I would make a plan of how you want to move forward with sleep (like PP has said) and be consistent with it. Even if it doesn't go smoothly until you're out of the regression just stick with it.
If I could go back in time to when I was going through it I would tell myself to stay consistent and trust that it's a phase x