Advice for stopping feeding to sleep?

[Fivebyfive2]

Hi, I am seeking wisdom please!

I have a 8.5 month ds, my first baby. His sleep is actually improving, as in he is finally doing longer stretches/waking less in the night and we're actually in a rough routine, which I'm really happy about! One problem... He feeds to sleep (breastfed) almost all the time.

It's not actually a massive problem; he goes down very easily, I enjoy it in a way and he will sleep in the buggy and car too. But I know I need to get away from this before I go back to work part time at the end of October and I don't want to be in a sudden panic 2 weeks before my start date!

Please can someone advise? I'm actually kicking myself because at about 11 weeks he started getting himself to sleep (albeit with swaddling and white noise) but it all went to pot at 4 months due to regression and he was ill so with lock down and me feeling a bit 'on my own' (my dh had to work longer hours during this time) I fell back into 'bad' habits just so we all got enough sleep!

I am also a bit worried as before a sleep is the only time he really wants to feed now, as the rest of the time he is soooo distracted! He is happy and healthy, has 3 meals a day and is trying to move more etc.

Would feeding him about 30 mins before his bed/nap time be better and then take him up when he's full and drowsy, then trying to put him down, cuddles as necessary, be OK?? I don't really want to let him cry too much as he can escalate quite quickly.

Suggestions welcome! Dh is very supportive and hands on. We're looking to tweak things soon, as he is currently working practically part time at the moment so he is around more to help 😀

Sorry I have no advice but eagerly watching this thread as I have the exact same problem! Baby is also 8.5 months, due to start childminder full time from October and I still haven't managed to stop breastfeeding to sleep habit. I have tried a bit of pick up put down but I can't handle the crying plus he just stands up in his cot.

I fear that there is no easy way through this and it will mean me having to man up and handle some tears

@beammeupsc0tty, same with probably needing to man up 😂

Sometimes I can feed him until very drowsy and put him down and he will drift off with me just sitting by him, but this is more the exception than the norm at the moment! Dh can rock him to sleep (sometimes) but when I try it, the boy just keeps going for the boob and it becomes a bit of a farce.

Hopefully we will both be able to crack it soon?! Xx

I bed-shared & fed to sleep till 8.5 months. I then moved my LO into own room. Continued to feed to sleep.

LO went from 6-8 wake ups a night to 1-2. Gradually, this reduced and LO would wake once a night, but maybe 1-2 times a week would sleep through. (I was clearly disturbing her).

LO is now 13 months and has slept through for the last month +.

I had continued to feed to sleep then pop into the cot. LO would often wake when being put down. I'd pat/shhhh/rub tummy or back. Till she fell asleep.

5 nights ago, I put in the cot, shhh/pat etc till she went to sleep. No boob for 5 days now.

LO started nursery 2 months ago, and didn't have issues sleeping there. Music, patting. Seemed to do the trick.

I tried on and off for months (unsuccessfully) to stop feeding to sleep. Couldnt hack the crying and upset.

LO never really took a bottle till 11 months. When we started encouraging it more.

I would think about why you want to stop feeding to sleep? Does he wake up in the night and need to be fed back to sleep, and are you trying to stop this? Why do you want to stop before you go back to work?

If it works for you and him, and isn't causing other problems, then you could just keep doing it? Nothing wrong with the "easy' route. I fed my DS to sleep, and still nightweaned and his sleep gradually improved despite always feeding to sleep. Eventually, after he was a year, I gently introduced cuddles after BF, but didn't push it. He settled well at nursery and with DH and GPs without BFs, and gradually just lost interest. It was a slow but easy process.

Sorry if I've missed your point, though, and if you're fed up of it and want to stop that's a totally valid reason itself!

@MsFrog, I think my main concern is that although I do enjoy it, I am feeling a bit of pressure in that feeding him to sleep is something only I can do? He does settle for dh sometimes with rocking, but as he gets bigger I'm not sure how practical this will be? He is only going to nursery 1 or 2 days a week and the other 2 days my parents are looking after him. I'm so grateful for this and know I'm lucky to have their support, so I really want to make sure it's as easy on them as possible and don't want his naps to be a stress for them.

Am I over thinking? Would it just be that he only settles with boob with me, but if it was someone else/another setting, he would adapt and nap OK without?? I'm sorry, I must sound so silly with thee questions, but he's my first baby, no one in myor dhs family breastfed, neither did the ladies in my office, so I'm a bit stuck for advice!!

To answer your question, yep when he does wake in the night it is usually only boob that will get him back off, although the wake ups are getting fewer thankfully!

Would feeding him about 30 mins before his bed/nap time be better and then take him up when he's full and drowsy, then trying to put him down, cuddles as necessary, be OK?

Yes, that would be OK.

If he will go to sleep in the buggy then your parents could just do a walk for his naptime. Nursery might be a bit trickier but they are very experienced in managing similar situations.

If he's in a solid routine then that is what you rely on as there will be an irresistible urge to sleep at bedtime.
We changed bath, feed, bed routine by splitting the feed (so feed, bath, feed, bed) and then dropping the second feed on a day where we knew he'd had a good dinner etc. That leaves your bedtime routine as feed, bath, bed so breaks the association but he still has a full tummy.
Naps I used to feed downstairs then take him up and change him before bed, so again, full tummy but not a direct association between feed and sleep.
If you have a routine this is really helpful as he'll have an urge to sleep. Maybe just try disconnecting the feed from sleep by one short activity/change of scene first and then gradually get longer.
I'd use anything to help him sleep that's not feeding, eg cuddles/shushing etc. You'll know he has a full tummy and that he'll be reacting to the change rather than upset or in need as such.
Hope that makes sense!

I still feed DD to sleep for every nap and bedtime when it’s my turn. When it’s DP’s turn, he can cuddle or put her in the cot awake . At nursery I don’t know how they do it but she has lovely big naps without boobs. It will all be fine – babies adapt to the situation and if you’re not around they find another way to sleep.

I stopped feeding DS to sleep about then, as he'd got his first tooth, so we did the feed, then we brushed teeth (that's actually still an ongoing project, but different story), and then snugged up in the chair in his grobag with his toy and a story, then cuddle to sleep.

He has never got the memo about drowsy but awake, but he also usually passes out cold within five minutes, so I just put him down asleep.

Hi all, I'm back!

So I've been trying to wean off feeding to sleep this week and started by just feeding to drowsy and putting him down, then only holding him if needed, but not getting the boob back out. Some mixed results as his 2nd tooth broke through during this time and I was ill at the start of this week, so not much energy.

However, I've now hit another problem! The last 2 days he's up every 2 hours and doesn't seem to want to be put down at all?! It's not even that he wants the boob, I can put him down, he cries, I pick him up and he's asleep, then repeat about 3 times before he stays asleep for a couple of hours... I'm shattered! Could it be the 8 months regression? Is there any point doing any form of gentle training during it, or do you just ride it out and put new things in place once things, are more settled again??