Getting 3 year old to go to sleep alone

[m1r14m]

I am honestly at my wits end again. My 3 year old will go through phases of going to bed fine and then having spells of screaming for me to cuddle her to sleep, screaming in the night when she wakes up in her room alone, basically just screaming from 7pm until about 5am on and off. I am so exhausted with it being so up and down, we make huge progress some weeks, and then it all comes crashing down again and I just can't keep going on like this it's driving me mental. She will happily take herself to sleep some nights and not complain and tonight she's screaming bloody murder because I won't cuddle her to sleep because she needs to get herself to sleep. She's now had me up since have 4 this morning and if I leave her room she's screaming and I live in a block of flats so I don't want her screaming at this time but she won't literally stop unless I come sit on her bed. I've tried sitting on her bed and not cuddling her until she falls asleep but it's 6.20am and she's still not asleep. I am so over tired and so done. I want a break. Does anyone have any advice before I go crazy??

Co-sleep.

@jessstan2

Co-sleep.

Not an option really.

That sounds so tough, and so frustrating. What has she said about why she’s screaming when you’ve talked to her about it? What does she feel is different on the days where she’s going to bed happily compared to the days when she’s not?

Is there a reason she stays in her room screaming when she wakes in the night? IME a toddler would plod over into the parental bed when waking in the night. From there I give my toddler 5 minutes to have a cuddle and calm down, then back to bed.

In fact the 5 minutes is more like "when I can motivate myself to be bothered to get up and take child back to bed". Which might be 5 minutes, could be 2h, could be not at all!

Why does she need to get herself to sleep/ why can't you cuddle her to sleep when she needs it? This is a genuine question as it would seem to be the easiest way forward just to meet her need for that physical touch while going to sleep. You say it's not all the time, and it won't be forever so maybe just roll with it?

I won't ask why it isn't an option to co-sleep which is a perfectly normal, natural thing when a child is so young and distressed alone in her room.

@jessstan2

I won't ask why it isn't an option to co-sleep which is a perfectly normal, natural thing when a child is so young and distressed alone in her room.

This being because I funnily enough know my own child. But if I have to explain myself it's because when we co sleep, she never fully falls asleep, any slight movement she's awake. She sleeps better alone, because she actually sleeps as she has space to spread out as she sleeps starfishing. And I'd preferably have her sleep a full night instead of co sleep with me and never fully be asleep 👍🏻

Ah, I understand.

Following for tips, I'm having a similar issue with my 20m old, I've always fed her to sleep then she comes into my bed and cosleeps from her first wakeup. But I'm pregnant and worried that won't be safe or practical with a cluster feeding newborn in the mix and my partner working away, so I'm trying to gently transition to her sleeping on her own and eventually maybe even sleeping all night. Weve graduated from feeding to sleep to me getting into her bed and singing / telling stories for an hour and a half until she finally falls asleep on my chest, then extracting myself like a bomb disposal expert. Any better ways would be helpful!

@FATEdestiny

Is there a reason she stays in her room screaming when she wakes in the night? IME a toddler would plod over into the parental bed when waking in the night. From there I give my toddler 5 minutes to have a cuddle and calm down, then back to bed.

In fact the 5 minutes is more like "when I can motivate myself to be bothered to get up and take child back to bed". Which might be 5 minutes, could be 2h, could be not at all!

Honestly, it has never occurred to DS to get out of bed and come and find us. He shouts and I go (if he's not resettling)

Not all children are the same of yours

same as yours

Having the exact same problem with my 2.5 year old. It's hell. We've tried a few different 'methods' now. The current one is returning him to bed immediately as soon as he's up and out, without interaction (taken from Supernanny). Tonight will be night three but so far there is a big improvement, it's still not great yet and took 45 mins last night, but on the first night it took 2 hours so there is improvement. Feels relentless at the time though.