Checking on 11 month old before bed...

[rachel200811]

I have just moved my 11 month old into his own room after noticing limited wriggle room in his mini cot next to my bed. Night 1 he slept through, but i noticed it was too dark for me to check on him. Night 2 I popped a super dim night light in and none of us got much sleep and he was back in my room by 1am. Night 3 and I've removed the light and he went down great but has been fed back to sleep every hour so far (its only 10pm though). I have a video baby monitor in there which I have next to me all night (although there is only a plasterboard wall between us). My question is, do I go in with my phone light and risk waking him to check on him before I go to bed or do I rely on the (very clear) night vision camera to see he is OK? With a squeaky door and a light sleeper I worry ill wake him but I also suffer with anxiety and if I thought for a second I was taking a risk by not checking him I'd never sleep! He has been in with me so long because I want him close but I can see he needs more space and I'm being a little clingy and selfish. If I had my way he would be in with me for the foreseeable lol. What does everyone else do at this age? I know it'll be easier when he is older and more used to it and I can creep in and give him a kiss without him stirring but he is still young, going through a period of change and a light sleeper. Any advice or reassurance welcome! Thanks in advance. X

There is absolutely no reason you need to check on your child after they go to bed. Even if you didnt have a monitor, you can just leave the child to sleep.

I don't check on dd (8 months) once she's asleep, only go in if she cries.

We used a red night light, but we had a horrific sleeper so had to also have music, scent, etc etc

WD40 for squeaky door

Now I feel like a bad mum as I never check on my 9 month old daughter - just rely on the video monitor!

I love sneaking into my 4 year olds room before I go to bed and tucking him in and seeing him sleep! But he’s a very deep sleeper so I know I won’t wake him up... I wouldn’t risk waking up a baby though. I would use the monitor!!

I check on my two before bed everybody. I keep their rooms dark but if I turn the bathroom light on when I go up and then check on them it gives me enough light without disturbing them. Is there another light you could use.

I have on occasion used a mobile phone light but turned towards me to only give the bare minimum to see what I'm doing.

In don't think you have to check on them but I really really like to it gives me a sense of peace.

What exactly are you worried about?

Genuine question (not sarcastic) - what are you checking for that you can't see on a monitor?

I don't check in mine routinely but sometimes go and pop another dummy in her cot if I notice she's lost hers. I can find my way with very feint light from the downstairs hallway. I don't need to be able to see her.

I never check on DD. The other night my incredible mother’s instinct saw me roll over, turn off the video monitor, and go back to sleep. (It’s fine, her room is next door and she’s loud; DP was up with the feed on his phone to deal with wake-ups.) I would treat the anxiety rather than look for ways to peer into his room.

I get it. I like to go in and give my 3yo a kiss before I go to sleep but I probably wouldn't if I thought it would wake him up. Not worth it. Is the landing light not sufficient to be able to see him?

DD was in her own room from 8 months with a movement monitor. She's now 18 months and we've recently removed the movement monitor but I NEVER check on her for fear of waking her up.
We've only ever had a sound monitor and no video because I thought I'd spend each night staring at it!

I feel like I'm missing something- if youve got the video monitor why do you need to check on him?

Mine is 6 now and I still check at least twice before I go to bed. Don’t have a video monitor obviously now though.

Mine are 12 and 14 and I check them before bed still! I do it with the light from the hallway, just make sure they've got their covers OK, the cat isn't annoying them, their room isn't too cold/hot. I've never used a video monitor though, so got into this routine when they were 8 weeks old, and still do it now!

I've always checked on my son. I just creep in and check he's comfortable and give him a silent kiss then I sneak out... Just makes me happy seeing him

Thanks for your comments! I feel much better! As a first time mum, and a little older than some FTMs, I'm lacking the knowledge what my mum friends did or following suit. Lockdown has meant we've been a little (excuse the pun..) isolated from any advice you'd normally get along the way. I TTC for a very long time and perhaps that's made me a little more anxious. I am getting some counselling for anxiety but its hard sometimes to know the difference between anxiety and normal mum worries. In my room I'd listen for him breathing before going to sleep since he was newborn so probably just a worry that will fade now he is out of that danger zone. Thanks again everyone! X

I would definitely get counselling asap for anxiety - after 4 months the already extremely low risk of SIDS goes down to basically 0 and you're way beyond that. While I also suffered from very bad anxiety in the first few months and understand how you're feeling, it's also not rational or healthy. CBT helped me a lot. Agree with pp - I don't think the solution here is to find more ways to check on him, you need to get treatment for how you're feeling.

Yes, I'm in the swing of telephone counselling at the moment for anxiety, I have always suffered but having a small and then a pandemic has certainly stirred it up. The counselling is very useful so far but while rational thinking is returning it's still hard to decipher rational concerns from my irrational fears just yet. It is helpful reading about what other mums do too, and comments like yours from mums who have been through it! So thank you! ❤