9 year old sleep issues

[Userr19037]

I am at my wits end. I have 3 dc (9,2 and 6 months) and am currently getting next to no sleep.
Ds9 has never been a good sleeper and had always needed me to sit with him to go to sleep. I'm trying desperately to get out of this habit but it's hard and with the other 2 now it's tougher as I'm so exhausted at night I do anything for an easy life.
Recently things have got even worse where he is waking in the night, sitting up right and sobbing or coming into my room and just standing crying. Claims he can't remember any of it in the morning and this has been happening a few nights a week for the past 2 months. Now he's started waking up at silly times fully awake 3am, 4am etc and claiming he can't get back to sleep. If I send him back into bed to try he ends up awake till needing to get up for school. He's just woke for the 2nd time already tonight after having fell asleep at 9pm as he has been awake since 3am yesterday morning.

Dd2 gets up usually 3 times a night minimum. Sometimes as much as 5. Comes into room where I take her back into bed. She falls asleep and I leave. Between them and the baby I am getting next to no sleep and going from one child to the next.

DP is working from home so I try to do the nights as much as possible but I'm so fed up right now. When he's not working he will get up with them in morning but this doesn't work week days as I need to get DS to school or sit with the other dc and at weekends I usually feel guilty and get up to help.

Gp visit needed op. He may have a sleep disorder.

The sitting upright/sobbing etc and then not remembering sounds very much like night terrors, which can be brought on by exhaustion. If he has a sleep disorder, he may be chronically exhausted, which can manifest night terrors as a result, which causes a vicious circle because his sleep is doubly disturbed.

He needs referring to a sleep specialist.

Is he generally anxious?
Does he exercise daily?
Has he tried mediation, guided relaxation, kids yoga etc?

@rvby thank you for the reply. I have just been looking up how to get referrals etc. I was on verge of phoning gp a few weeks ago but wondered if they could help and with the pandemic I knew appts werent going ahead and wondered if they'd think this was a silly reason to call. It got slightly better so I left it but I'll call on Monday morning and hope they help.

I had looked into night terrors a bit but I'll need to look more in depth. He literally just sits up sobbing, sometimes shaking and sweaty. Can't remember a thing in the morning even though he will answer me if I speak to him?

He is generally an anxious little boy. An overthinker and worrier and this has caused me concern also. Exercise has been less since lockdown but still plays football etc but not as much as he obviously had been doing whilst at school and out with friends so it is something he has been lacking in.
Over exhausted, I thought this too. The less sleep he is getting the worse it seems to get but I can't seem to get him back into a routine of having a proper night's sleep to break it.

@Userr19037

He literally just sits up sobbing, sometimes shaking and sweaty. Can't remember a thing in the morning even though he will answer me if I speak to him? - thats classic night terrors really. Most children will also scream, but my ds (8) has night terrors identical to your description though, only difference is he will sleepwalk (eyes open, looks awake but remembers nothing) to my bedside. Sweaty, trembling, frightened sobbing, tries to explain what's happening but can't.

If the boy is generally anxious, then I really urgently recommend you get him proper professional support. He needs childrens CBT, to learn skills to calm himself and manage his feelings better.

Do you ever use kids mindfulness apps for him? E.g. Moshi? It may really help.

It's a bit chicken and egg - anxiety affects sleep, but exhaustion can also make anxiety worse. So, talk to gp regarding sleep, and also intervene to help teach anxiety management skills.

Best to intervene on anxiety as early as you can. Save him years of suffering and knock on health effects.

Love to you, its so difficult xx

@rvby * but my ds (8) has night terrors identical to your description though, only difference is he will sleepwalk (eyes open, looks awake but remembers nothing) to my bedside. Sweaty, trembling, frightened sobbing, tries to explain what's happening but can't.*. This is what my son does also. He either sits upright or makes his way to my bed, taps me and is standing crying. I wasn't sure if this is sleepwalking as like your ds he answers me when I speak etc but again doesn't recall anything in morning.

He's a very deep child and it isn't obvious he's anxious to others but he has very low self esteem. Won't join in groups and has trouble with new situations etc. I know he worries a lot and having suffered anxiety myself it is the last thing I want for him. Thank you for the advice. I've fought with myself for a while now on what to do and where to go for help and whether he will accept it. I will mention to gp although I am unsure they will give the best help.

Thank you for all the suggestions. I'll look into all these also.