7 year old early waking breaking me

[mynamechangemyrules]

God, if I thought I'd be on this topic board 10 years on from the first child 🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️🤣
Middle child (7) has been early waking for a while now- since lockdown started in this country (approx 5 months).
I am a single parent working outside the home full time (even during most of lockdown, the joys of being 'essential'!) and so I go to bed relatively late to get work done or just watch tv/ read.
After a few weeks of this I said that at 6am he could go down and turn the tv on. I think that then almost became a motivator for him to get up early... If I try to get him to lie in bed until 6am he screams and yells, but I stick to it.
He is now waking at 4.30am (the past week) and I cannot take it. Today the 1 and a half hours with him was him was him saying 'you're the worst/ meanest mum ever' about 1000 times and saying he hates me/ wants me to go away to another family blah blah... I try to stay calm and respond with 'that's unkind' 'it's time to sleep now' 'let's rest quietly' or other platitudes, but sometimes I crack and shout at him.
He generally wakes the other two at some point. They would both sleep till 6.30/7 usually, as he did until recently.

I'm thinking of somehow getting rid of the tv/ making it not work, and locking away any other screens, but I know it'll be carnage when I can't get him to the tv at 6am 🤣

Any top tips? And do you think it's purely the screen (as I do) or could there be other reasons for it?

What would happen if instead of fighting him on it, you let him get up whenever he wakes and go downstairs, provided he keeps the noise down? Do you think it might lose its appeal after a while? I can't imagine he'd find that much to watch on tv at 4:30am

*Posted too soon

Meant to add, I went through a similar phase according to my mum at 8/9 and that's what she did. After a while she'd find me curled up asleep on the sofa when she came down at 'normal' time, I guess I just found it difficult to stay asleep in bed 🤷🏼‍♀️

My 9 year old wakes up very early but watches or plays his tablet in bed. It actually helped tbh as he was quite happy lying there until I got up. I also put a clock up as he did not know the time, and I think he realised it was early and the rest of the house were still sleeping.

I reintroduced the groclock when my 8 year old did this. If it was within an hour of six he could read until we woke up. If it was earlier than this he had to try to go back to sleep. Absolutely no coming into our room before 6.30am

Oh thanks for the great replies- making me feel like I'm not such a terrible parent if others watch screens so early...!
Over here it's all Netflix and 24/7 tv access so not limited by time unfortunately...
I've tried the tablet in his room but felt that might be why was making him wake earlier to 'get his fix..'
I was wondering about the groclock (was a total failure with all mine when they were younger!) as he knows the timings now.
Thanks!

We thought the grow clock was crappy at first but now it's a godsend.

I would change your passwords on netflix, get a grow clock and introduce sanctions if he disturbed you before your waking time. So if you say acceptable to wake you at 7 and he comes in at 6 he has an hour less of netflix that morning which is controlled by only you having the password. I would make it as boring as possible for him so there isn’t any incentive to be awake.

Given the extraordinary times I would not be too harsh. Maybe he's unsettled? Many people are sleeping badly during lockdown.

I had a bad sleeper. We had a rule they could always come for a cuddle then had to let me sleep. They could bring all their covers and make a nest and read with a torch in my room but had to be quiet.

If you're happy with the screens then it's fine. Put out some breakfast too.

I feel sorry for bad sleepers, I think they get quite lonely tbh.

for you, it's hell.

Jesus OP 4.30! You must be wrecked! At 7 he's old enough to know better, I certainly wouldn't pander to him! In fact I'd have a screen ban for a week!

If he genuinely can't sleep then he can read in bed but just not disturb you!

What's he like anyway as a child? Generally well behaved, good understanding of rules and boundaries?

@footprintsintheslow well you've asked the right question...! 🤣 He's struggling with everything tbh.
He was the 'golden child' when we were all with his abusive father- me and the others were emotionally and physically (and all sorts of other ways..!) abused and he received none- it was always 'poor X his siblings are mean' 'don't say that to X, he's a good boy' etc etc and he was always singled out. Then we left his father and he grew a bit older and his father began speaking to him (on access visits) the same way he always has to the rest of us 'you're weird/ a loser/ bad etc)
Combined with lockdown, which he is quite afraid of, and it's super strict here so no leaving the house without a mask, lots of 'enforcers' around etc, he's just really changed in terms of refusing to follow instructions and developed some aggressive behaviour.
I've tried to get a psychologist or counsellor for him to see (took fecking ages as his father has to give permission and wouldn't until about 2 weeks ago), but there's no NHS here so it's $$$$ and it's so hard to find anyone without a month long waitlist. I've got him down to see someone in about 3 weeks but my head will explode before then!

Gosh that all sounds very difficult. Great that you've only got three weeks to wait to see someone but I know with 4:30 wake ups that'll seem like forever.

I think it sounds alike he needs a lot of love and reassurance right now. I don't particularly mean spoiling him or letting him do what he wants.

Do you think it's anxiety waking him? Would he snuggle down into bed with you? Or is that adding another problem?

I think it's anxiety too. Dd used to wake heinously early and it got immeasurably better when her system calmed a bit. Still an early riser though. The earliest we can bear to get up and feel normal is 6, so she's allowed to get up then, if it was before then she could listen to audiobooks or play in her room though that's rare now.

Perhaps agree the earliest you can bear to get up and still function and spend some time with him at that time. We didn't do screens but only cos she was much younger. But if your instincts are to remove them then go for it!