How to put a 1 year old in his own bed

[user24]

I really need some advice on how to get my just turned 1 year old DS to sleep on his own.

I am breastfeeding and Co-sleeping and he wakes multiple times a night but I put him straight onto my boob to settle him back to sleep. (This was originally a great idea as I got to sleep a bit and he didn't wake my 3 year old)

He had his 1 year check yesterday and the health visitor said that because he is teething, it wouldn't be a good idea to put him into his own room alone at the moment, and she suggested taking his cot into my bedroom and having him get used to it in there.

So last night I put him down as usual but instead of next to me in my bed, it was next to me in his cot. He screamed for 45 minutes and eventually my DH picked him up and said that he needed to be comforted (i do agree but the health visitor advised against giving in to his cries). When he put him back into his cot he cried for another 20 minutes and then I gave in and put him in bed with me.

My question really is, how long is it actually ok to leave them crying like that? It was heartbreaking. And it didn't seem like he was going to ever stop.
Is there any other tips or ideas on how to get him to settle. I need to start sleeping before I go insane

I would start by putting him in the cot in your room for his naps so he starts getting used to the cot and associating it with sleep. I'd also give him time in there with his toys so he doesn't see it as a negative thing being in there. Then once he's don'e that for a while, start trying for the night time sleep.
We did what you did and co slept then had him in the cot in our room then moved his cot.
We were holding him to sleep going into his cot at night using the "the baby sleep solution" book for some tactics as well.

Your health visitor told you to leave your baby to cry for as long as it takes? That's fucking barbaric.

Do some research on sleep training and choose a method that suits your family. Don't just let your poor little one scream for 45 minutes before you go and cuddle him.

Is there a specific reason to want to move him to his cot now?

I'd try getting him comfortable with the cot during naps and through out the day with toys. Then at night try putting him down almost asleep and stay rubbing his back or stroking his face until completely asleep. Then when he wakes in the night I'd have DP see to him rather than putting him to the boob so he starts to learn other ways to sooth to sleep. At that age they are still so tiny I don't think worrying about them self soothing is important but rather that they know someone will come when they cry.

We used the Ferber method. It was awful for one night then he slept through from that point onwards.

Maybe your midwife thought you knew about fifferent types of sleep training so wasn't specific?

I did controlled crying, so bedtime routine then put dd in cot and leave the room. I'd go back up every 5 mins or so if she was really crying, and eventually it would be less crying and she was falling asleep so i would leave her to settle. You know the difference in your baby's cries.

However i did this at about 4 months old, not 1 year, so i can imagine its a lot harder at 1 yo

You could use a full sized cot and take one side off. Makes an easier transition from cosleeping

@FATEdestiny

You could use a full sized cot and take one side off. Makes an easier transition from cosleeping

That's not safe if you've got a 1yr old, he'll be able to pull himself up at the side and take a header. For the cot bed to be at a safe distance from the top of the bars it would be much lower than the bed mattress, which in turn wouldn't be safe. You can't safely sidecar a cot past about 7 or 8m, generally speaking.

I wouldn't consider it as black and white as you suggest Sayitagainwhydontyou. Coming from the viewpoint of cosleeping and the family bed, a sidecar cot (or bed) as an extension of the family space is quite usual. It's a different viewpoint to the conventional view of the cot as a seperate space.

In the family bed scenario, a sidecar is no less safe than cosleeping with a bedguard to stop child falling out of bed. The cot-climbing children are a ery different type of child to deal with compared, to cosleepers who have never used a cot and are used to cosleeping.

In my view it needs some lateral and holistic thinking to see the whole family situation, rather than thinking in a one-size-fits-all view. Either way, it was just a suggestion for the OP to consider as a transition from cosleeping.

We used to raise our sidecar cot up on stacks of books (shrink-wrapped together so they formed a solid block rather than a wobbly base) so we could keep the sides high, as DD used to go from “asleep” to “climbing everything” in a bleary-eyed second. That way the mattresses were level but the sides were safer: I do agree that once kids are standing, it’s safer to keep the sidecar cot sides high. And I don’t think there’s a “one size fits all” descriptor of cosleeping babies.

OP, it’s OK to ignore your health visitor, most of them talk bollocks anyway. I just nodded and smiled at mine then did what I wanted.

I agree that that cot method would work, as my bed guards aren't very high and he doesn't try to escape during the night (but does in the day if I ever sit him on the bed)

I have decided to keep him in bed with me for a little longer and try to stop breastfeeding through the night. Then think about attaching the cot to the side. We had a Chico next2me for the first 6 months , it didn't get used even once 🙄

Thanks for all the advice. I agree strange advice from the midwife. But I didn't leave him abandoned, screaming. I was lying next to him on my bed , he could see my face and was as close to me as he would of been if he was in my bed!