Please help us with our sleep!

[Elevenerife]

My LB is 3.5y and is an awful sleeper!

I used CC with my eldest and I regretted it terribly afterwards. I was adamant to have a more 'gentle' approach with my second. It really hasn't worked out as I had hoped! He has always needed us to stay with him until he falls asleep, he has never once fallen asleep (even for a nap!) without one of us with him.

Anyway, after a severe family bereavement and this going on for sol long, we are at our wits end. We often have a really long bedtime, only for him to wake up less than an hour later hysterical because we are not there. This continues all evening, until we crack when we go to bed, and bring him in with us.

It is so difficult on family life and never feeling off duty. I suspect the main problem is that he needs to fall asleep on his own so he doesn't freak when he wakes up.

My question is, can any of you suggest a more gentle approach to achieving this? Other than a form of CC? Any tips and tricks that have worked for you?

Just for context, he suffers terrible with separation anxiety. 18 months after starting nursery, we still have to peel him off of us (he is fine once we have gone) but it is a pattern of behaviour for him.

Well done if you've made it this far! and thanks.

Anyone??

We have never sleep trained and son can go to sleep independently now (better for DH than me)

Solid routine and once we started alternating nights, DS basically told DH to go away so they read, blow kiss and night night then we check on the monitor.

Sometimes I'm allowed to leave, sometimes not but he's getting quicker and quicker at a cuddle then just turn over and sleep. Fortunately, most nights he either only needs a quick cuddle and back to sleep now or sleeps through.

But we were very very gentle and haven't pushed him. It's been his own decision, albeit with some pointers decided by us. Even being allowed to sit in a chair rather than in the bed helps. Or popping out to 'go to the toilet'.

And he knows that if he calls, we'll come.