How on earth can I survive this.

[Mamamoo84]

My little girl is 6 months old.

She has never been a particularly great sleeper. Even from birth it took her 10 weeks before we could actually put her down in the next to me, My husband and I to do shifts to hold her to sleep.

She got used to being put down and for a short while she was doing 4 hour stretches but now that’s all suddenly changed.

She just is not sleeping. Even day time sleep is a battle.
I have to put her in her pram and rock her for at least 30/40 minutes before she will nap.

On an evening I have started to take her up to bed at 6.30 I feed her and then put her down. She will cry as soon as I put her down and I have to cuddle and feed her again for her to settle.
It can be around 9pm before she finally falls to sleep and I put her down.
She will sleep until around 12am and that’s it.
She’s wide awake. Even if I try and feed her back to sleep she just will not go back until probably around 4/5am and then will sleep until 6.30/7am and is awake for the day.

I’m getting 2 hours; 3 at the most sleep per night.
My husband is now sleeping in the spare room as he has to be up for work.
So I feel like I’m doing everything on my own.

The days just feel so long because I am seriously so so exhausted.
I haven’t even got energy to take her for a walk.
I’ve been sat crying most days feeling like such a failure.

What am I doing wrong??

Oh op, you won’t be doing anything wrong, some babies are just not good sleepers and need more help.

That said, over tiredness can make it much worse, a 6 month old should only be awake for 2-3 hours before a nap. I found this information revolutionary, do you think you’re trying her for naps soon enough? As she must be very tired maybe you could try nearer the 2 hour mark? The more sleep they get the more they do in my experience, and it sounds like she might be stuck in an overtiredness loop. you mention rocking in her pram, but would a walk be better? Mine always used to settle more on a pram walk than just being pushed backwards and forwards. Especially at 6 months when they look out and around more - you could sort of see them glazing over after a while.

You’ll get through this OP

Agree with above. Could you go to bed as soon as your partner gets home? Try to get a bit of extra sleep that way.

I don’t think you are doing anything wrong OP. It’s a tricky age, babies suddenly become aware they can move a bit, they are going through a period of rapid growth and development, which often makes them sleep less and be more Demanding.

If baby is 6 months (calendar months) are you introducing solids yet? Baby could be hungrier? It could be teething (bright red cheeks and constant gnawing and dribbling)? Then we are in the midst of a heatwave and if baby is breastfed May just need to feed endlessly for hydration.

How did I cope? I co-slept with limpet baby attached to my nipple most of the night. I’m pretty sure that’s how mothers coped for millennia.

However at the time (4 years ago) co sleeping was not frowned upon if done correctly and you were exclusively breastfeeding. It wasn’t recommended for babies who were bottle fed at all.

I’ve avoided walks in the pram at the minute due to the heat. It’s so uncomfortable, usually we would go out.

I’m not really sure how many naps she should be having, but today she napped 10.30am-11.50am
3pm-5.15pm

I did bath and feed at 6.45 and put her down at 7.30pm.
She cried and and unsettled so we cuddled until she finally went to sleep at 9pm.

She slept until 12am and is still wide awake now (4am)

I'm doing the same with my second. It's awful, especially when you have a dh that's moaning about being tired but is getting 3x the amount you are!!!

Just go with it. They're not little forever, try and doze when the baby does and look at safe co sleeping. It was the only way I was able to get sleep in the end

You can't live like this. People underestimate the effect a lack of sleep has on you. I would recommend Melatonin but get it from your doctor. It's a natural substance made by the body and is not harmful.

My rule of thumb was always to try and get a nap in after they’d had their first feed of the day. Think about 8-9.30am. Then lunch About 1130 and then a good long afternoon nap (2hrs ish) I would often join baby in a nap. Then in the evening after tea I’d get them ready for bed and cluster feed for what felt like forever, I’d hand baby to dh so I could get an hour or two in and he could rock baby in the bouncer / in his arms whilst he watched snooker or something. Then we’d co-sleep. I would maybe get 4-6 hours half-sleep before I’d need to give a proper feed and go back to the half-sleep.

Can you write down a typical day for her , like 24 hours? It may help people advise. Can you nap during her daytime naps? Do you have a rocking chair where you can rock her to sleep rather than rocking her in the pram, and then just let her sleep on you in the chair and you both doze off? How long has she been waking at 12am for 4 hours, is this a new thing?

Ah OP god that’s so shit.

I know it’s been recommend but what about food intake ? Is she eating enough to make her full?

Agree with the nap after breakfast too - has baby got a comforter ?

Sending you positive sleep vibes

I’m surprised someone suggested melatonin. It’s a synthetic form of a natural hormone that last time I checked wasn’t subject to any long term studies in babies and children. I’m glad you’re not considering this OP.

I really found it helped using huckleberry app, if you can put them down before they get overtired much easier for them to fall asleep.

@Mamamoo84 and @SewingKit Apologies, that was my shit advice. I have asked Mumsnet to remove my post.

So awful OP 😭 I know how you feel.

Snatch sleep whenever you can and stop feeling guilty when you don't get anything else done. This is your priority for now.

I found the Gentle Sleep book really reassuring when I was struggling with this- essentially it's just very reassuring.

Sounds really tough OP. I'd get those naps moved forward - if she's asleep till 5ish, then realistically she won't be ready for nighttime sleep till later. I'd aim for a nap about 9am and then again at about 1pm. A sort of rough 2,3,4 hours awake schedule helped us at that stage.

OP have you considered sleep training? I used to feed/bounce to sleep and at 5.5mo got fed up as it was eating away at time with my toddler. Within a couple of days my DS went to sleep by himself and it revolutionised our routine. That might help your 2-3h evening fiasco.

As for the night waking.... I’m no expert but your baby sounds way, way overtired. At 6mo mine could only manage 90mins awake, 3hs is often too much for him now and he’s 8mo.

Hope you’re feeling a bit better now, emotionally if not physically. There’s a reason sleep deprivation is used as torture.

That's a very late afternoon nap. If she's sleeping for 2 hours until 5.15 then she's not going to need a nighttime sleep for a while after that.

Have you tried white noise? Co-sleeping? Sleep head? Baby sounds overtired, you gotta do whatever it takes to survive.

As others have said, try and get those naps moved earlier. I'd also bath in the morning as it can be too stimulating in the evening for some babies.

I'd also advise not being too quick to pick up a screaming baby, mine would have a five minute rage and then drop off.

This heat is making it impossible for all of us, and lack of sleep makes everything feel worse.

Just sending you hugs.
My now four year old was a specialist in three hours of sleep max a night.
It broke me.

I agree with previous posters. Anything after 4pm is a 'danger zone' nap. I think babies and children wll struggle.to.sleep at night if they slept past 4pm.

I understand OP. My twins have always been terrible sleepers and are almost 4 now, but they are both autistic and this impacts things for us.

I found this really useful when they were babies
possumsonline.com/blog/babys-sensory-hunger

And are you using white noise? I mean loud white noise, not from a toy? We discovered that it did actually help at about 4 months old and had it on every night from then on

I think that late nap is too late and long (by the way if she is capable of 1-2 hour naps, that's great - you should be napping too! Always try to have the longest stretch of awake time before bed. There's something called the 2, 3, 4 routine so basically from whenever she wakes up, you have 2 hours of awake time then nap 1. Then 3 hours of awake time after that, then nap 2. Then 4 hours awake time before bed. Obviously adjust these times according to what suits your day/baby but the general gist is to get them good and tired before bed. From what you've written this could work - when she's woken up at around 5pm she's not wanted to go to bed til 9pm which is 4 hours. Now just bring it forward. What's she doing at 12am? Awake and crying? Or just babbling/playing? I often ignore my 9mo if he wakes up and isn't distressed - he often just nods back off on his own but if I intervene it wakes him up more. My now 3yo was totally different though - he'd scream til he was sick if I didn't respond to him the instant his eyes sprang open so sympathies if she's like this. I ended up co-sleeping to help get more rest although I know this doesn't work for everyone. If it helps, his sleep massively improved after his first birthday. It won't be like this forever!

Really bizarre, but as your little one naps in her buggy just like mine did (and yes, she used to cry and cry until she passed out - the naptime crying shortened and stopped by 10 months) have you tried jiggling the crib to get her to sleep?

It sounds mad but I’ll explain. Ours was a very awake baby right from the start, and needed lots of help to switch off and sleep, especially in the day. She would NOT co sleep, nap in arms etc - too much stimulation and screamed with overtiredness. Thus the rocking buggy nap with Snoozeshade and loud white noise. We then extrapolated this system to bedtime; fully blacked out room so she couldn’t see us, loud white noise and jiggling the crib until she nodded off. Cut the bedtime crying down by half the first night we tried it, and after a month she was taking literally 3-5 minutes of jiggling before she settled and went to sleep. After two months it was just a case of lay in the cot and leave the room - still is at 20 months.

I know it sounds batty and is something very specific to an individual child, but I remember having an overtired non napper that then struggled to sleep at night (due to being overtired!) and you’ll frankly try anything.

FWIW mine now sleeps 11 hours solid at night, and is much less angry about her day nap!

Similar to the last poster, because i couldn’t rock both twins to sleep at the same time, we used Baby Bjorn bouncers and gently bounced them to sleep. Others didn’t work as they weren’t bouncy enough but these really worked to help them get off to sleep.