Please help 2 week old

[2020mumtobee]

Hi all, I have a beautiful 2 week old DD who won't go down in her cot at nighttime. She'll sleep in her sleepyhead which isn't suitable for overnight unsupervised sleep apparently. Or she'll sleep in our arms but not her bedside crib. Whenever I put her down she throws her arms and legs about and cries. We've tried swaddles but it's too warm now. What should I do?

Hello, are you putting her down awake? Have you got a full sized cot or a smaller moses basket or next to me? X

It's not what you want to hear but this is perfectly normal. At 2 weeks old babies barely even know they aren't a part of you any more and need that closeness. The only way we got through it was by working in shifts really. After a feed I'd try and get some sleep whilst DH held the baby and then we'd swap. Do you have anyone to give you a hand?. It does get better but the first few weeks are exhausting. Good luck

Are you able to cool the room any or remove layers so you can still swaddle? Swaddling worked really well for us when DS was smaller, his arm and leg movements would wake him up.

You will have to hold her to sleep. Can you do shifts with another adult in your house? One does 9-3 and one 3-9 or something like that. Or can you safely cosleep, are you BFing?
And as per others, sadly it's normal but a total shock to the system.

Sometimes we would calm our little one by laying on either side of her and each holding down (gently) one of her little thrashing hands/arms. Sing a lullaby repeatedly. Soothing noises and tummy rubs. Might take 10-20 mins which feels like ages when you're exhausted but she would usually calm down eventually

I used to feed my DD and then put her down asleep and cross my fingers and hope she didnt wake up. If she did, up I got again to rock her to sleep or cuddle her and then back down again when she was asleep. Eventually she stopped minding the cot so much, maybe at about 4 weeks, and then it slowly got better. I did persevere with the cot I have to say, so I didnt cosleep at all. But at that age they just dont realise they are out and just want you because you are snuggly and warm. Its very natural.

Mine used to sleep in the next to me crib in the sleepy head in our room.

Thanks everyone! Breastfeeding so at the moment feeding her until she's asleep and then attempting to put her down. Within 15minutes she's crying and wants picking up. She's in a next to me crib at the moment. So many of my friends haven't had this issue. We're doing shifts my partner and I do we can get sleep but we're both only getting 2-3hours at a time due to feeding times. I'm worries the sheer exhaustion is hurting the bond with my baby and how I feel about her 🙁 I know it's not her fault but I'm so tired.

It’s so understandable you feel this way, it is exhausting!

I’ve learnt with other friends babies and sleep:
1- some just lie about it
2- some have abnormal babies
3- at some point yours will sleep and then theirs will regress
4- don’t talk to friends about sleep and thier babies!!

@2020mumtobee have you tried swaddling baby? It helps when putting baby down to sleep. The idea would be to swaddle then feed baby while swaddled, after feed lift baby onto your shoulder (still in swaddle) to wind until s burp comes, then put baby down. The swaddle stops the startle reflex in newborn that the react to when being lowered.

Ours was like this, I found swaddling helped. If you get the swaddle bags which zip/velcro and just put them in a nappy they probably won't be too hot (although you'll have to judge this for yourself). I ended up cosleeping. Baby is 5 months and has only just started sleeping in the cot on his own for longer periods.

My first two didn't take to their cot straightaway either. I ended up co-sleeping and practising in their cot every night.
This involved putting them down in it after feeding and letting them fuss until they cried. It started with crying while I was still brushing my teeth in the bathroom, but the time would gradually get longer until they actually fell asleep in it.

The whole process took about a month for them to spend the first part of tbe night in their own bed and then it would be hit and miss whether they'd do the second part as well. I usually didn't do the fussing bit in the middle of the night, because I thought sleeping had to be encouraged then, so it was a question of feed, burp and bed (my cloth nappies would keep a whole night). Though eventually both would go in their cot again (before 3 months, because they both slept through by then).

With my first, I started from day 4, with my second I didn't bother until two weeks (bar putting him down in his cot while I went to the bathroom obviously). I was going to do the same with No. 3, but she just slept in it one night after she fell asleep downstairs, and carried on sleeping when I put her down in it.
Weird. So we carried on from there. Though I was a bit sad...

My now 7 week old hated the next2me until last week. There was too much space for him. We got a moses basket and he was in that brilliantly. She may be similar.

So so normal! Iv got 3 children! First never slept! Second slept well. Third is somewhere in the middle! All went through stages of not wanting to be put down. Look at safe co sleeping and read about the fourth trimester. Also I EBF all of them and it made no difference to their sleep as they were all so different.

Check out a book called Sweet Sleep from La Leche League. Summary: if your baby won't sleep without you, it can be safer to bedshare in a safely prepared bed than risk falling asleep somewhere unsafe.

Make sure you are: a non smoker, sober and breastfeeding.
Make sure your baby is: full term, healthy, on their back, unswaddled
Bed: remove everything except fitted sheet, and one pillow and lightweight blanket for you.
Lie down with your baby and hold/breastfeed them lying down, until they fall asleep. Sleep next to them.

I know you already have a bedside crib, but I've always found it much harder to get them to sleep there than in my bed cuddled up near me.

Here is the lullaby trust info on how to do this safely too: www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/co-sleeping/

My eldest was like this, didn’t sleep until he was 2.5. With my second I used a sleepyhead from day 1. She slept through from 12 weeks and now at 18 months is still a great sleeper!

I know the sleepyhead isn’t recommended, but I read the reports and made a decision to use it.

2 weeks was rock bottom for me. DS would fall asleep feeding then I’d put him down and he’s be awake in 10mins. Then I’d feed again and repeat until he finally stayed asleep. I cried all weekend and couldn’t see it getting better. However we’re now at 6 weeks and it’s loads better.

I can’t really add much to the other advice. I’d suggest shifts with your DP. We introduced a bottle each night so that DH could feed on his shift.

I had both of mine sleeping in a sleepyhead, in a next to me overnight. I decided it was safer than me falling asleep with them in my arms. The incidences of SIDS in a sleepyhead were low enough in my opinion, to make me feel it was the safer option for us.

I coslept from birth, even in the hospital just after giving birth until my son was a year old and consistently sleeping through. We do have a super king size bed so plenty of space but there's some good positions you can feed in lying in you side. So there's not much disruption during the night and she's less likely to wake up. I used to feed thAt way and slowly move away but stay in bed with my son and then watch tv in bed until I wanted to go to sleep.

It is totally normally for a baby of this age to wake up every 1-2 hours, but if you're battered from the exhaustion I think you either need to let baby sleep in the sleepyhead over (we did this and if you're a non smoker etc the risk is tiny) or you see how to safely co sleep

Young babies feed lots at night because prolactin stimulates milk supply.

I suggest you research safe co-sleeping. I did it with both of mine, it was the only way to get sleep. I used to feed them in my sleep/half awake.