7 month old never sleeps without me

[tanya020]

Hello mummas, this is the first time I have posted something as have reached a point where i feel I am doing everything wrong e we with my little girls sleep habits.. she is 7 months old and I feed her to sleep for every nap and bedtime and she wakes every 3 hours for a feed still

( I don't mind doing this as she was an unwell bubba for the first 3 months and I needed to make sure she put on weight so I breastfeed when she is awake and feed to sleep as well... I am so grateful she is now happy healthy girl that is putting on weight so much better now..)

What I am struggling with the most is once she has fallen asleep on my lap , has unlatched from my boob... and I try slide her across to our co sleeper she wakes up... she seems to be the lightest sleeper 90% of the time.. it's only when she is in a rare deep sleep that she won't wake up for at least 3 hours ( during the night) during her day naps I just stay with her on my lap hoping nothing wakes her...i use blackout curtains and white noise and after months of going to bed with her every time I am starting to feels really down and torn ... I want her to sleep but I also want some time during the day to do things and spend time with my partner in the evening..

She naps in our bedroom around 3 hrs a day ( doesn't sleep well anywhere else or if she does she has to get overtired and crash out) I have paid for gentle sleep specialists , no cry sleep solution books and I am now so desperate to reach out for advice, support or just to not feel that I am doing the wrong by her and other mummas have gone through this too .. bring a lockdown mumma is so intense , not sure if this affects things too xxx

Hi OP, firstly just to say sounds like you are doing a fab job and you are definitely not doing wrong by her!! My DD is 8 months and is fed to sleep, and until literally 3 weeks ago slept on me for every nap so I can sympathise with how you are feeling! What changed things for us I think was her going in her own room. We already had a fairly good nighttime routine and I think after a while she got the message that going into her room = going to sleep! We never go more than 2 hours per nap and she just has one in the morning and one mid afternoon, that way she’s still tired enough for bedtime but not too tired.

I really flip flopped about putting her in her own room but honestly it’s done all of us good, we all sleep so much better!

thank you so so much for taking the time to reply and offer some hope!

I know so many mums and NCT mums that don't seem to understand why I am 'letting' my LO sleep on me and feel so overwhelmed because if I didn't let her she just wouldn't get enough sleep especially during the day.. Thank you for helping me feel less alone...

Can I ask how you managed to go from your DD sleeping on you to her own room in 3 weeks? Any tips and tricks? Would be so grateful!

she can take foreeeeeever to fall into a deep sleep until I can put her down, if I try too soon she is up and I have to start feeding or rocking all over again.. or worst case she awake and won't go back to sleep xxxx

So pleased for you and your DD to finally be getting your sleep and time back

What I am struggling with the most is once she has fallen asleep on my lap , has unlatched from my boob... and I try slide her across to our co sleeper she wakes up

How about feeding her lying down on your bed and once unmatched, leave her there and you roll away.

Unlatched* (autocorrect)

I’m in a NCT group too and honestly I love them to death but they are obsessed with doing things the “right” way when it comes to sleep! DD sleeping on me was right for us and I really didn’t want to fight on getting her to sleep on her own which is what it felt like everyone else did. Every time we tried it resulted in tears and I just felt like the stress wasn’t worth it! I beat myself up about it but eventually accepted she would do it in her own time. One day DH suggested we try again and after having to go in to resettle her a couple of times she started sleeping.

We literally just do the same routine as we do at night minus the bath. So fresh nappy, into the grobag and say night night daddy (even when he’s not there 😂) then I feed her. I got blackout fabric from amazon which I stuck to the window so it’s pitch black in her room. She’d been sleeping in her cot in our room so had good associations with it which did help a lot, but would never ever sleep in there during the day for some reason!

How is she for self settling? You might need to try and leave her for a bit so she learns to fall asleep alone (I know it’s really hard ). Also if your little one is on solids I’ve found that full tummy does seem to help them fall asleep.

Lol sounds ridiculous but I really miss our sleepy cuddles now 😂

It’s so hard isn’t it, I have been questioning for months how something that feels so right and work so well for her be seen as ‘not a good idea/rod for your own back/she will never learn etc’ and because I listen to what works for my LO there isn’t much sympathy when it’s hard.. I could talk to you for hours 😅

My LO sounds so similar she also won’t sleep in her bed during the day but much easier at night.. I wonder if they are just too alert during the day!

I also have black out material from amazon and use white noise for every sleep but then I’m told I shouldnt as she doesn’t sleep well when out in her pram, car seat etc and I should be getting her used to sleeping on the go too .. which I do try as often as I can but lockdown life didn’t help..
How do you manage out and about?

So sorry to bother you with all these questions just a huge relief to speak out about it! Thank you so much for the advice you and you other half sound like a great team and so glad it worked out well :-)

And I totally know what you mean about missing the cuddles my LO had such severe reflux and gas that for pretty much 3-4 months she would only sleep upright on my chest and I miss those chest sleeping moments even though at the time I was completely sleep deprived!

Parent life is such exhausting but amazing roller coaster! ❤️

Hi @ FATEdestiny thank you so much for your support /advice I am definitely trying the laying down to feed a bit more now but seems to confuse the LO because she is so used to cradle hold.
Didn’t do it a lot before now because she used to have severe reflux that has only just improved so we could never manage feeding laying down definitely going to keep trying when I can as it will help me nap next to her. Thank you so much ❤️

No worries about all the questions, it really is so hard and it’s hard to know who to ask when you feel like everyone else seems to have things like this sorted!

We’ve actually never used white noise (think that just passed me by and I never even thought to use it!). She actually would sleep ok in her pram and in the car, although now she’s dropped a nap and is super nosey so seems to be awake when we go out most of the time!

Really hope you get it sorted, might take a few attempts but I’m sure in her own time she will do it. I think most important is she’s actually sleeping no matter where she’s doing it

Hi op, I'm quite similar in that my ds is almost 8 months and is still mostly fed to sleep and then transferred to the snuzpod, although he does nap in the buggy and car seat too. Until about 6 months every nap was on me. Then one day I noticed he'd started pulling off and star fishing on my lap! I'd wait about 5/10 mins and then geeeeentlyyyy slide him onto the bed. When I was more confident, I started feeding him sitting facing the snuzpod (so like sideways on the bed) and when he was in my lap, sliding him into the pod! I found him being in a sleeping bag helps for some reason.

We need to put him in his cot in his room soon, but I'm trying to work on him self settling as I struggle lowering him to the cot without him waking.

I've noticed that often he will feed, unlatch and be very sleepy... But before going off, he'll automatically try to latch on again! If he's had a decent feed, I've started putting the boob away and just holding him. Then I've started putting him in the pod instead of cuddling. Sometimes it works and he goes off on his own, sometimes it doesn't. I'm hoping if I can get this to work more reliably, I can then push feeding to earlier and then maybe just cuddle /rock until drowsy, then put down awake but about to nod off. That way other people can get him to go to sleep in his cot (my dh can sometimes rock him to sleep, but has the same issues as me with lowering him into the cot!)

I'm not sure if this is helpful, or even good advice, but just wanted to say you're not alone! Also if anyone has any advice of a better way for me to proceed, feel free to advise 🙂

@attillathenun thank you so much for your support it means a lot and helps me breathe easy how has your little one got on recently? Unfortunately my little lady will still wake up as soon as I put her down for her day naps but is getting a bit better in not waking up when putting her down at night (still wakes every 2-3 hours for a feed though... sometimes more frequently as starting solids has given her such bad reflux and gas poor little things so probably needs to be held up right more than ever right now but... will get there I one day I am sure/I hope! ...

I am so curious to know if babies that have similar sleep behaviours have similar personalities mine is so alert and chatty, can’t keep still and wants to see and touch everything... apparently according to some older mums a baby that wakes so often is a sign of intelligence but wondering if that just a way to help things feel better!

hope your little one is well xxxx

@Fivebyfive2 So sorry for the delay in responding to your post , tough few weeks and lack of sleep helping little one get used to trying solids but that seems to be giving her horrible gas and reflux through the night..
reading your post , you described literally everything that I do as well word for word it’s like I could have written it so I really feel you at the same time feel relief again I am not alone..
I have been sliding across to the snuzpod after she has fed to sleep or rocked to sleep etc, I have used every kind of sleeping bag, swaddle , Muslin with my sent, warmed her bed but still after s few minutes she wakes up... she wakes up within minutes during the day if i try put her down and during the evening at the moment I am lucky if I get 30min if I try leave the room ...! It’s like she can smell it have left the room...

so it’s more nights away from my partner hoping one night life will be a little bit more normal...
to help with the loneliness and ease worry that I am doing it all wrong I have reading 2 brilliant books one by the la Leche league sweet sleep nighttime and nap time refers to babies like ours as sparklers and such a funny and comforting book by Emily Jane Clark who is a mum that had 2 babies that wouldn’t ever sleep ... so funny but they have been great reassuring company during the early hours!