Nine week old won’t nap out of arms

[Kellyje90]

Advice/reassurance required!!

My nine week olds daytime sleep fills me with stress and dread and I don’t know what I’m doing wrong or how to make things better! It’s a real struggle to get my dd To nap during the day. I can with perseverance get to sleep on me and stay asleep for an hour sometimes two, several times a day, which is great and keeps her settled. But if I try and out her down she wakes within ten minutes, more often than not she wakes instantly and I cannot resettle her back to sleep. So she becomes grouchy as she is over tired. I have tried putting her down awake, drowsy, fully asleep. Tried swaddling, unswaddling. White noise, blackout curtains etc etc. I’m finding this pretty tough as I can’t get any time to do anything, shower etc or to just be alone. My only saving grace was two walks in the pram a day which gave me a ‘break’ as she wasn’t in my arms. But the last few times I have taken her out in the pram she has cried pretty much the whole time. The last time she screamed so much I actually had 5o pick her up and carry her back! I’m starting to feel pretty down and anxious about it now as it’s pretty intense and draining. I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing with her sleep and it’s quite isolating. Anyone experienced similar have any advice? Will it get easier?

This isn't a solution, but it could help explain. Google '4th trimester'.

Mine was just like this! DS eventually started crying in the pram too, we switched to the car seat in the pram frame (if you have this type) which worked really well as he wanted to see everything, but would eventually fall asleep when tired.

Also he suddenly was able to be put down in the cot at about 12/13 weeks and would sleep for between 30min and 2 hours, whereas 10mins was all we got before.

Another thing that sometimes works is putting him in a bouncy chair that vibrates.

Keep persevering, I hope it gets easier!

What about in a sling?

Completely normal, it does get easier as they get older but maybe not for a little while just yet. I think it got better for me when my son was around 6-8 months and was having two predictable naps a day.

You could try a sling if you have to get up and on with things, I never managed to use a sling first time round but it's been a life saver this time with an older child to take care of also.

It honestly won't last forever, as frustrating as it can be, sounds like you're doing amazing and obviously baby is just too content in your arms!

Mine did this for 11 months unfortunately. I learned to just embrace it and use the time to relax on the sofa, read my Kindle etc. It was a pain though. Having said that I wish I'd persevered and kept trying to put her in her cot every few weeks or so as when I eventually reached my limit (she was getting too heavy!) and started putting her in her cot it didn't take that long to get her adjusted.

How long do you wait before you put her down fully asleep?

@CupcakesK @mynameisntlouise @peachgreen can I ask when this was the case with your little ones, how did you get anything done? How did you shower? Did it get to you? I’m new to this and just feeling like I’m doing something wrong as everyone else seems to have their s**t together and I’m still in my pyjamas from last night acting as a human pillow all day.

@OverTheRainbow88 I do use a sling as my back was feeling it, dd is a big girl. It helps but she will only stay napping in the sling. If I move her into cot when asleep she wakes after ten minutes.

@DoodleMcNoodle Iv tried putting her down half sleepy and iv tried putting her down fully asleep. I generally try and wait until I know/think she’s fully asleep which is usually ten/fifteen mins after she falls asleep in my arms/sling. But never lasts more than twenty mins in the cot.

Er - I know this might sound stupid but just don't put her down if she's baby number 1! I cuddled mine from 1pm-5pm every afternoon from 0-3 months - it was glorious and we were both so happy! I watched a shit load of tv!

I’ve been lucky as DP is working from home. Otherwise, I tend to shower on the evening so I only need to get dressed during the day. It absolutely got to me, I find it really hard not to do anything but if you change your mind set it does feel a bit better. You aren’t doing anything wrong, no one really tells you what it’s like to just have to sit with a baby and not do much.

Also it gradually gets easier, my LO can be left lying in his jungle gym ‘playing’ or on his crib watching a mobile for 20 minutes or so now. Enough time to get a few things done

Put baby in a bouncy chair for you to shower and get dressed in the morning- you can do that in 5-10mims. Nothing else is important. I used to do a few housework jobs with baby in a sling - I'm so glad I didn't stress about putting baby down - in my mind those first few months are golden - I'm not expecting that luxury with number two so I'm really glad I made the most of it!!!!

Yes it absolutely got to me at the time! It is really hard, but I think all of us are winging it to be honest, you’re not a useless pyjama-wearing pillow, you’re still learning your new life with a baby.

I’d shower when my husband was home, or if I was desperate for a shower I’d risk putting him down and just be as quick as I can. Could you take baby with you in a bounce chair? Just remember as long as you’ve tended to their needs and you can see they are safe and can talk to and comfort them, it’s ok if they cry for a short while while you tend to your own needs, though it’s awful to hear but if you’re still there for them it isn’t the same as ‘leaving’ them to cry. I’d always have a game plan for naps, what was my priority, showering, feeding myself or doing some housework? If I got 2/3 done then great!

One thing I have found which sometimes works, is waiting 10 mins or so for baby to be fast off and slowly lowering them onto their bum, so they’re essentially sat in their crib, then gently lower them onto their back, or try laying them on their side and then gently roll, it basically avoids their Moro reflex triggering and waking them up, but sometimes regardless how gently i put him down, my baby still wakes!

I read somewhere that because their sleep cycles are 40 mins to either put them down after 20 mins of being asleep or if you miss that window because you're mumsnetting, then put down after 1 hour. It seems to work for my DS who is 9 weeks old but I will admit he is an easy baby.

My DS is nearly 9 weeks and generally not a good day time sleeper so I'm probably not the best person to give advice! Even in my arms he often wakes up after 30-40 minutes, and is the king of cat naps! The odd time I have had success recently with a longer nap it's been getting him to sleep in his Moses basket which rocks. He like it rocked quite jiggily, and usually takes about ten minutes to drift off. Once he's asleep I rock it when he stirs and that sometimes keeps him awa
asleep longer - he often opens his eyes and I think there's no way he will go back to sleep (and often he doesn't) but sometimes if I persist he does. All the rocking probably isn't the best habit long-term, but I remember from my older daughter everything changes so quickly, it's best just to focus on what works at that moment and it's probably better than him getting over tired.

I am finding it really tough as I have an older daughter and I feel like I spend my life facilitating his sleep one way or another. He isn't a massive fan of the sling either which is annoying, as usually it seems to be the go to solution to this problem!

It really got to me at first but I learnt to roll with it. The period where they won't be put down AT ALL is very short and during that time you have to just say sod the housework, do what you can if you get 10 minutes and get your partner to take the bulk of the load. What you're doing is way harder than what they're doing so they can step up and get cleaning! I put DD in a bouncer in front of Baby Sensory videos on YouTube while I got dressed and made up in the mornings as staying in my PJs made me feel shit - if she cried, she cried, it was only for 10 minutes, but actually she hardly ever did. And soon she'll be at the stage where she can sit in her high chair or play nest or jumperoo with toys while you do whatever you what to do - I know it seems very far away right now but it'll happen sooner than you realise and you'll get more time and space. You can do this!

If it helps DD started napping properly in her cot at around 1 and by the time she was 14 months she would do a good 2-3 hour stretch reliably every day. She's now 2.5 and most days she'll still have a couple of hours. Once a bad napper doesn't mean always a bad napper! Concentrate on getting night time sleep right and the rest will follow.

@Kellyje90 have you tried a dummy?

The dummy is the world's best way to get independant sleep from baby.

If it helps, my DD is 13 weeks and only last week started napping in her cot. I think the change was maybe triggered by the end of the fourth trimester.

Saying that, I now have to rock her to sleep and then hold her for the aforementioned 20 minutes before putting her down, and she usually wakes up 20 minutes later anyway. This afternoon I decided I couldn't be arsed and just let her sleep on me!

I'm sure it will change soon OP, keep trying and one day she'll surprise you!