How to stop feeding to sleep

Bedroomdilemma · 2020-08-04T08:47:56+00:00

Can’t believe I’m here again... DD only goes to sleep by feeding to sleep. I’m going back to work soon so other people need to be able to settle her, also I would like the option of going out for the evening! How did anyone break the feed to sleep association? She’s 10 months.

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HearingMyOwnVoice · 04/08/2020 09:54

I didn't. My husband did! I went back to work and he had a couple of nights where she wouldn't settle for a while but it wasn't long. He just sat with her and held her or patted her and she got it xx

Harrysmummy246 · 04/08/2020 21:27

DS stopped feeding to sleep at bedtime and we had to settle him other ways by 12 mo. I say we. I had to, DH was not acceptable.

Night weaned without upset gradually by 21 mo

But i don't have the view that it's an association to be broken

And I still wouldn't want to go out in the evening, we never really did

FourPlasticRings · 04/08/2020 21:30

You don't really need to break it at this age. In my experience, they'll settle for people other than you without the boob providing you aren't there. I started getting others to put DD to bed on occasion around the 12 month mark but we didn't properly night wean until 18 months. Much easier by that age- just moved feeding to before teeth, then when feeding had finished we said goodnight to the boobies. If she asked after that I just said that boobies were sleeping now and we'd see them in the morning. We had a slight grizzle about it on night one and she was fine after that.

2155User · 04/08/2020 21:34

We just totally mixed up the bedtime routine so it utterly confused DS.

Milk downstairs. Brush teeth. Books. Quiet time toys etc.

However, we waited until he was slightly older 14 months ish when they understand much more and I would just say ‘no more milk’

10 months is still so super little

Bitchinkitchen · 04/08/2020 21:37

We broke the habit when DD was 5 months as i was miserable sitting in the dark for an hour every night while she fed to sleep. We had a solid bedtime routine of bath, boob, bed, and gradually changed it round. I stopped feeding her in the dark, and instead sat in her bedroom and fed her with the lights on til she was sleepy, then put her in the cot, sang a little song and left her to it. If she got upset i went back in and shhh patted her til calm, then left again. Never had to go back in more than twice.

After a week of that we switched round and did boob (downstairs in the bright) bath book bed, and she went down awake. After a week or so of that we did the same for naps, which had previously been while walking in the sling. Now all in her cot (unless she's in the car).

fassnk · 04/08/2020 21:38

my DS was bottle fed and i just recently stopped the bedtime one, he was 12 months. the routine used to be bath, bottle then bed, i switched it to bottle with a story, bath and bed for about a week and after that swapped the bottle of formula for a sippy cup of cows milk. had a couple of difficult nights where he woke a few times (hes generally slept through since 8 months) but all settled down pretty quickly.

Bitchinkitchen · 04/08/2020 21:42

@2155User 10 months is still so super little

Surely the younger you break those habits the better? Else the pattern becomes really engrained, the child knows what to expect every time, and the change is much more distressing? If you teach a baby to sleep without the boob when they're still small, they don't remember any different and get used to it much more quickly? That's always been my experience. Breaking habits in 8m+ babies is a mare.

2155User · 04/08/2020 21:44

@Bitchinkitchen

I think it’s habits can be broken according to the understanding of the child. I don’t view feeding to sleep as a ‘bad/negative’ habit, and therefore it has no urgency to be broken, so I find it best to wait until baby/toddler understands things better.

ginandgingers92 · 04/08/2020 21:44

I've been wondering this too. My 5 month old boobs to sleep for nights and naps and I know I won't be able to do it forever, but for now it works for us it means I don't have to rock her in the pushchair like my husband does....
What does everyone consider to be a good age to stop?

2155User · 04/08/2020 21:45

@Bitchinkitchen

And I’m not sure why you assume there will be distress. Certainly none in my house. In fact more excitement that nighttime milk had been replaced with quiet sticker time

LipstickLoves · 04/08/2020 21:48

Probably not what you wanted to hear but I fed my dd until 2.5 years to sleep (had gone down to just bedtime and she would go to sleep with DH no problem as long as I was out!)

Then I moved her into a big bed and stopped that night! Was all very easy to be honest!

LipstickLoves · 04/08/2020 21:50

And there was no distress for us, just excitement about the big girls bed.

Bitchinkitchen · 04/08/2020 22:35

[quote 2155User]@Bitchinkitchen

I think it’s habits can be broken according to the understanding of the child. I don’t view feeding to sleep as a ‘bad/negative’ habit, and therefore it has no urgency to be broken, so I find it best to wait until baby/toddler understands things better.[/quote]
Not inherently bad, no - if you're not going back to work it's probably fine, but if you are going back to work you need your baby to sleep on their own.

2155User · 04/08/2020 22:54

@Bitchinkitchen

Totally agree! If you’ve got to be up at 7am for a 12 hour shift then you need a decent nights kip. I had the luxury(?) of not returning to work which makes my view on sleepless nights etc slightly skewed

Bitchinkitchen · 05/08/2020 06:29

@2155User stopping feeding to sleep didnt stop her waking to feed in the night - i was happy to keep doing that as she was obviously hungry.

I was mainly concerned that if she could only fall asleep on the boob, she wouldn't be able to nap without me and therefore my absence would be distressing and she'd be overtired.

FourPlasticRings · 05/08/2020 07:27

@Bitchinkitchen I went back to work when DD was 11 months without a problem. Kids will sleep without boob if the boob isn't there. There's no need to encourage sleep without boob if you don't want to, and it was very easy for us to break the association at 18 months when DD could understand it more. Nothing wrong with doing it earlier if that's your preference, but it's in no way necessary to do so.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 05/08/2020 07:33

Personally I think it’s better to break the habit when they are little- toddlers are far more wilful than babies.
Do you want to give up bf’ing all together?

I think about that age my LO would have a bottle before bed and then was laid in her cot. I bf in the night still - once I went back to work it was too hard, when the boob isn’t there babies just get on with it, no baby starved in the face of formula.

Bitchinkitchen · 05/08/2020 07:47

[quote FourPlasticRings]@Bitchinkitchen I went back to work when DD was 11 months without a problem. Kids will sleep without boob if the boob isn't there. There's no need to encourage sleep without boob if you don't want to, and it was very easy for us to break the association at 18 months when DD could understand it more. Nothing wrong with doing it earlier if that's your preference, but it's in no way necessary to do so.[/quote]
See, this was not our experience at all. When i went back for a couple of KIT days she flat out refused to sleep, screamed nonstop and was utterly inconsolable and exhausted by the time i got home. It was heartbreaking, i have never felt like such a bad mother in my whole life because i hadn't even thought about it, I'd just assumed she'd sleep when she was tired. She did not, she needed breastfeeding.

Also @OnlyFoolsnMothers stopping feeding to sleep doesnt mean stopping BF, just putting time between feeding and sleeping.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 05/08/2020 07:50

Also @OnlyFoolsnMothers stopping feeding to sleep doesnt mean stopping BF, just putting time between feeding and sleeping I didn’t say it was.
But if OP is out for an evening it’s quite probable her baby will be mix fed. In addition my daughter would only fall asleep on the boob, I was just thinking a bottle before bed could separate the two.
So I mix fed from 4 months and gave up bf when I returned to work at 10 months.

Original poster

Bedroomdilemma · 05/08/2020 07:50

My last baby was a boob monster and I think it was pretty traumatic for him when I went back to work, his minder really struggled to get him to nap. My dh used to be able to settle the baby a bit, but not any more - I’ve noticed that since 8 months the habit seems to have got even more entrenched. She won’t fall asleep easy in a buggy whereas before she did. This time I will be in the house so easier in that I can feed her to sleep often but worse in that I will hear all the wailing if I’m on a conference call and can’t (eg yesterday - my dh just could not get her to sleep while I was otherwise occupied).
Wish I had sorted this out during lockdown before the habit was so entrenched! Laziness on my part...

OP posts:

BGirlBouillabaisse · 05/08/2020 07:51

DS2 turned 4 years old and stopped feeding to sleep I don't see it as a problem/habit, just developmentally normal

Spudlet · 05/08/2020 08:18

Very gradually if I recall - I fed him almost to sleep then gently unlatched him and rocked him the rest of the way. Then as he started feeding less and less, the feeds to sleep got shorter and shorter until eventually we were just having a cuddle and a rock instead of a feed.

He’d mostly stopped breastfeeding by that point anyway and was taking bottles instead. Did that gradually too, one feed at a time. Eventually one evening he just refused a feed altogether and I went downstairs and had a bloody big glass of red wine. It took a couple of months as I took it very slowly (he was a bottle refuser and fed a lot) but it wasn’t traumatic.

crazychemist · 10/08/2020 09:52

My DD was MUCH older when I stopped feeding to sleep at bedtime, so we were able to talk about it and read stories so she’d understand, have never done it with a child this small.

Is it only at bedtimes that you feed to sleep, or for all naps too? My DD was in the habit of doing naps in various different ways on different days, but was never self-settling at this age. She was used to having her morning nap in the pram as this worked well for us, so when I returned to work, she just had 2 pram naps instead of 1. No drama at all. What will your childcare be? Lots of nursery’s are quite happy to take them out for a walk to get them to nod off, they have massive double buggies that they take out in a fleet! Even a 10 month old can learn quickly that different carers have different routines. When she was in the toddler room (just before she turned 2) the standard thing was that the kids had their mat that they lay down on for their nap. She WOULD NOT do this at home. Apparently, the first day, she cried so her keyworker held her and rocked her for her nap. The second day she lay down when all the other children did and was asleep in 5 minutes. Children quickly learn to do what everyone else is doing! (I never actually got her to do this at home!)

Does she feed back to sleep at night if she wakes? I found it easier to tackle this first before the bedtime feed. I swapped to rocking and singing, which initially was more tiring for me than feeding! But I’d rock her for less and less time and kept the lullaby as the sleep association. Then to break the bedtime association I just did the feed till she was sleepy but not asleep and then did the rocking/lullaby procedure again. She’s nearly 4 now, she still has that lullaby when I put her to bed!