20 month old still rocked to sleep

[Bobojangles]

I need to get my lo self settling, he's totally dependent on either being fed to sleep (if really tired) or being rocked. he just struggles to get to sleep even when tired and desperate sometimes

A few months ago we tried controlled crying (worked fab for my oldest, sorted him in 3 days) and it was a disaster (I couldn't face more than 3 nights)

Anyone successfully gently break such strong sleep associations?

He does still wake at night and we tend to cosleep for part of the night but I'm ok with that, just want to help him learn how to get to.sleep a bit easier

I didn't go so far as controlled crying but I placed them in their cot awake and stayed very close - hands through the cot, stroking talking shushing. After a week or so of this I started pulling my hand away as they were calm but still awake, another few days and I pulled my hand out almost immediately but stayed close, a few nights later I put them in and sat a little while away. All the way progressing to putting them in awake and leaving the room. Small steps that progresses every few days before a new hard habit was formed

What about if you just rocked until calm and quiet, then held him stationary in your arms to go to sleep?

That would be a small step of gentle progress. Or are you looking for faster results than that?