Sleep train a 9 month old?

[Darkestseasonofall]

Please help, I'm at my wits end and absolutely hating being a mother at the moment.

DC 2 is a 9mo boy who is an absolute sleep dodger.

He goes to bed at 7, and is up throughout the night, sometimes as frequently as 2 hourly. He absolutely demands milk, no amount of rocking / offering water etc works. His will is strong, he absolutely won't go back to sleep til he gets milk.

He's been a good napper, but lately refuses naps unless punched in the pram.

I'm due back to work soon and just can't function on the broken sleep.

I've read various websites and blogs etc, but everything is so contradictory.

Please help a desperate woman....

Please take comfort in the fact that your not alone in this @Darkestseasonofall, I too are experiencing the EXACT same issues with my own DD who is also 9 months old and can totally relate to how desperate and low you are feeling right now.

Mine however has always been a crappy sleeper since the day she was born. I coslept for all of her naps and her night sleep purely just to survive for the first 7 months but then it became simply to much to bare after a period of time (I was absolutely sick to death of being kicked, punched and poked at all night long!) and transitioned her into her own crib. It actually didn’t make an iota of difference to her sleep liked I’d hoped it would, she still woke and continues to wake every 2 hours throughout the night, sometimes even less, and is inconsolable and absolutely refuses to re settle unless she has a bottle teat in her mouth and even then it’s Russian roulette as to weather or not she decides to go back to sleep.

Approx 5 out of 7 nights she will wake full of beans for long periods of time too (1-3 hours) so I’m basically forced into bringing her downstairs into the living room and letting her sprawl around the floor and pull herself up and down on the furniture for hours on end in an attempt to let her burn off this late night sudden bought of energy she seems to be finding otherwise DP is disturbed and already has to be up at 5am to leave for work. As if the being woken up every 2 hours part wasn’t bad enough, then being forced to stay awake for stretches of up to 3 hours added on top really is sucking the f#cking life and soul out of me. I’m not sure if your experiencing anything similar or not?

I find no enjoyment in being a mum too. I love my child unconditionally but her sleeping habits are really making me start to resent her and become really frustrated toward her and I hate it. Even though I’m so so ashamed to admit it there have been moments recently where I’ve considered just upping and leaving both her and my partner just to escape from it all, it really has gotten that bad. I’m pretty sure I’m suffering from PND as a result although I haven’t been diagnosed or spoken to any doctors or my HV in regards to it but after reading through what the symptoms are online I fit perfectly into the category.

It’s had such a huge negative impact on my entire life which is why 3 days ago I contacted a sleep consultant and basically begged and pleaded with her to help me before I crack up completely. I’m not actually implementing the plan she’s put together for us until next week as we are due to go away for a long weekend this weekend and it wouldn’t be fair on DD to start something which I know I won’t able to be consistent with. I’d be more than willing to send you a copy over via email (for free obviously!) if it’s something your interested in.

Like I said, I can really sympathise and wished someone could of done the same for me before having to shell out hundreds of pounds.

Please let me know. And if not, whatever you try I sincerely hope it all works out in your favour as I truely do understand how torturous this is.

@Darkestseasonofall good luck and hope it all goes well!

@oneseriouslytiredmumma I get the middle of the night parties with my 8 month old too. It’s f ing rubbish. Naps are shit. Night sleep is shit. It’s all a bit shit.

@Lilybet1980 How long has your LO been doing this for? It’s just fantastic isn’t it! I love nothing more than to piss around downstairs in the pitch black for 3 hours every single night, it’s my absolute favourite thing to do.

@oneseriouslytiredmumma you poor, poor thing.
I don't have the middle of the night parties thankfully, I seriously think I may have run away or killed someone / myself by now if I had that as well.

One tip I can give you is to try a podcast, at least you can focus on something other than your dd, and it stops you feeling such rage at the situation, especially if you chose something calming, or just presented by someone with a nice voice.

Are you feeling headachey and tearful and ragey a lot? I definitely am, and another thing that helps is a bit of excercise. Although it feels impossible to summon the energy I go for a run a few times a week, and come back feeling much more positive.

To the poster who says leaving baby to cry is damaging, what do you do when baby is crying in the buggy or car? My baby cries herself to sleep in these situations, should I pull over on the M4 to pick her up?!

We did some controlled crying with our older DC and they are well adjusted, secure young people. Both around 8 months I think.

Hi I'm 18 months into to a frequent walker at night and I know first hand how detrimental not sleeping can be, think on a bad night up to six times waking on a good night 2!

I say do what ever works for you but at such a young age just be aware that future regressions and leaps will probably require you to sleep train again.

Hope you find something that works for you !

@IloveBeefJerky I left my son for 2.5 hours roaring when we sleep trained using CIO. I also was at my wits’ end. Sleeps through beautifully now and I’m all set to go back to work rested and knowing he’s got a great sleep routine going.

@Darkestseasonofall just ignore people like ilovebeefjerky and allow them to return to their cured meat products, safe in the knowledge that you give not one shiny shit what they have to say. And PM me if you’d like advice about how we sorted my son’s sleep problems (for now, at least!!!)

@Darkestseasonofall What started off as just normal headaches a couple of months ago have now transitioned into more like daily migraines, and most definitely tearful and raged.

Last night when DD woke at 1am for instance and I’d trapsed downstairs and made her a fresh bottle of formula, in my half dead state, I actually hadn’t screwed the lid back onto the bottle correctly so once I’d placed it into her mouth and tilted it back 3/4 of the bottle came pouring out of the sides all over me, the baby and the bed linen and I had a full blown breakdown about it. It really took everything in me to collect myself again and not scream the fucking house down, I was so upset and frustrated. That’s just one of the many daily occurances of feeling ‘tearful and ragey.’

I seem to spend the vast majority of my days just feeling totally joyless and unmotivated to do anything other then the most basic requirements to make it through to DDs bedtime too. Im in ‘survival mode’ I think. Do you find your feeling the same?

I hope you managed to get a decent amount of rest last night.

@DevilsAdvocaat

To the poster who says leaving baby to cry is damaging, what do you do when baby is crying in the buggy or car? My baby cries herself to sleep in these situations, should I pull over on the M4 to pick her up?!

We did some controlled crying with our older DC and they are well adjusted, secure young people. Both around 8 months I think.

I suppose it depends on for how long they cried. Mine never cried in buggy or car so I honestly don't know. If it had gone on for more than a very short while, I probably would have pulled over.

@jessstan2 what, on a motorway?! Though, actually and terrifyingly, I have seen women defend their decision to pull over on the hard shoulder on MN, presumably because they actually genuinely believe that it's better to risk them, their baby and possibly other people on the road being killed than to let the baby cry for a bit. I guess that's what comes of deliberately trying to make women feel shit. I feel the same way about that as I do about posters who try and dissuade women who are clearly slipping into depression due from lack of sleep from trying to solve the problem; it makes me very, very angry.

I'm just checking in to say we've done it, and it worked. Last night he slept 19.30 - 6am!

For the posters who claim my child will now be depressed, anxious, very possibly a serial killer etc, I have genuinely seen him get more worked up over dropping his toast than he was over the new routine. There were no tears - he did do a bit of ragey shouting at the indignity of not having me rock him to sleep, but he settled really quickly and has woken up each morning delightful.

@oneseriouslytiredmumma if you're at all wavering I'd really urge you to just bite the bullet and do it, I've woken up this morning feeling physically and mentally well for the first time in months after a few good sleeps.

@IloveBeefJerky "Leaving your baby to cry may increase their risk of anxiety and depression in later life."

Says who??????????

@Darkestseasonofall

I'm just checking in to say we've done it, and it worked. Last night he slept 19.30 - 6am!

For the posters who claim my child will now be depressed, anxious, very possibly a serial killer etc, I have genuinely seen him get more worked up over dropping his toast than he was over the new routine. There were no tears - he did do a bit of ragey shouting at the indignity of not having me rock him to sleep, but he settled really quickly and has woken up each morning delightful.

@oneseriouslytiredmumma if you're at all wavering I'd really urge you to just bite the bullet and do it, I've woken up this morning feeling physically and mentally well for the first time in months after a few good sleeps.

Wonderful news. We sleep trained DS early on and despite judgment from many initially, they are now gobsmacked at how well he sleeps. He has slept from 7-7:30 since he was 5 months old. Despite what some uninformed and uneducated people may think, sleep training does not "teach your child not to cry because nobody is coming". Trust me, if DS has a nightmare, or is poorly, or teething - he lets us know. What he doesn't do is cry in the middle of the night because he doesn't know how to get himself back to sleep. What he does do, is wake in the night sometimes like any other human, but has the ability to settle himself happily back to sleep without needing our intervention. As a result, he is a happy and well rested child, and we are happy and well rested parents. Sleep training isn't cruel. Not allowing your child the opportunity to get a good nights sleep is cruel.

Well done Op! Was coming in to say absolutely, sleep train. But I don't need to! A good sleep is so important for your little ones development, as well as your own sanity.

Also came on to say go for it! We did the verbal reassurance/ check in at 1m, 2m 5m etc approach with both my boys at 7months and it was a godsend for all of us. Took 3 nights with both till they learned to go back to sleep by themselves. Happy to report neither of them have any attachment issues and are still great sleepers at 5and 7 yo. It's a skill they need to learn and so much easier to teach when they can't stand or walk by themselves. Well done, sounds like you can all get some much needed sleep!!

Ah well done OP! My DSis is a paediatrician and recommends sleep training any time from 6 months - some babies need teaching how to self-sooth, it's like teaching them to walk or feed themselves and a normal part of parenting.

Martyrs who get up hourly with their DC till past toddlerhood are doing their DC no favours as it's much harder to learn self-settling as an older child.

(We sleep trained at 19 months, DS was waking hourly, but wish we'd taken DSis' advice to do it earlier!)

@Hardbackwriter

We co slept and it worked well, we all had sufficient sleep.

Then you don't really have anything relevant to say to people who aren't getting sufficient sleep. I tried cosleeping with DS multiple times and he simply didn't sleep in our bed, he thought it was playtime. Just because something worked for you and your children doesn't make it a magic bullet.

I quite agree with that. What works for one doesn't work for another. On a thread like this you will have people telling you what worked for them but it's up to you what you do.

You have my sympathy, I need my sleep and would be climbing the walls.

Good luck, I hope you find a solution or else he just outgrows this phase.

Darkestseasonofall

I'm just checking in to say we've done it, and it worked. Last night he slept 19.30 - 6am!
...
Wow! That is excellent news, well done.

@Darkestseasonofall Wow, that is absolutely amazing news. Well done to you and your partner for finding the strength the see it through consistently.

How did you manage with your little ones night wakings? Did you continue with the CC for those too?

I’m hoping I can get started with mine at some point this week. Fingers crossed I can crack it aswell 🤞🏻.

I'm thrilled for you! Well done. Enjoy catching up on all that lovely sleep.

Well done OP that's great news.

You'll find that things like teething, being poorly and leaps in development may cause blips in the road but you've got a routine in place now which will help exponentially.

Here's to proper sleep

Thanks for all the congratulations, I feel like some sort of baby expert just now

@oneseriouslytiredmumma we put him down and left him at bedtime, made sure he was fed and winded etc. Then went in after 2 minutes, 4 minutes, 8 minutes etc, he was asleep after about 40. Throughout the night we just shushed and patted, not immediately after maybe 5 minutes. The first night we gave some water at about 2am, the second night he didn't even wake, or if he did he didn't cry anyhow, obviously water isn't worth making a fuss for.

I think he was ready to sleep through, and I was actually sabotaging him by shoving a bottle in his mouth every time he stirred.

Honestly, the best advice is to just do it. We can all cheerlead you through it, you've got this

Well done OP. There is zero scientific evidence that sleep training is harmful to the baby, in fact most evidence suggests the opposite.
pediatrics.duke.edu/news/sleep-training-your-child-myths-and-facts-every-parent-should-know

@Darkestseasonofall I’m so so pleased for you and so happy you took the time to report back to us on how you found it and if it had been successful or not aswell. A lot of people on mumsnet I find ask for the advice with sleep training etc but then never actually give any updates on how they found the experience or if it even worked for them or not.

You must be feeling so much brighter and so must your LO now they are finally getting good stretches of undisturbed and uninterrupted sleep.

I feel like I should just take the plunge like you did and hope for the best. Its just the fear of how I’ll cope with all of the night wakings that is putting me off as she’s such a live wire during the night as I explained on my earlier posts that I’m pretty sure I’m in for some horrific (although I’m not sure it could get much worse!) nights.