Pooing as bedtime stalling tactic!

[TheChineseChicken]

DD is 4 years old and had been pretty good at going to bed until recent months. A combination of new sibling and the current strange circumstances meant that she started needing to be stroked / cuddled to sleep. In the last few weeks we have decided to try to put an end to this.

She messes around loads at bedtime, up and down stairs, even going into our room where her baby brother is sleeping. All this is annoying enough but she has also started pooing in her pull up (she’s still in them at night following a couple of unsuccessful nighttime training efforts). This happens most nights and requires DH or me to change and clean her. It’s clearly a stalling tactic as she does it even if encouraged to poo in the toilet before bed. She has no problems pooing in the toilet during the day.

We change her with no reaction so she’s not getting attention from it but still it continues! We obviously can’t ignore it so it’s hard to know how to fix the behaviour. What consequences could we use? Any thoughts?

I'd say it's an attention technique, new siblings are a big change for little ones, I'd say if she needed comfort to help her sleep, she isn't ready for that attention to stop.

Can you try swapping up that bedtime routine? Reading a book in bed etc. Let her have the attention, just in a different way?

It's tough especially when it involves a dirty protest! Or maybe try remove the pull ups? Try and see if she can be dry at night? Can't ooo in a pull up if you havnt got one?

Tough one! Hope you find a solution 🤞🏻

It’s definitely for attention. She already has stories in bed, lots of cuddles etc. She’s allowed to play in her room if not tired and we leave the door open so she’s not shut away. DH does her bedtime and actually found that even if he tries to stay with her until she falls asleep she just dicks about so that doesn’t seem to help either.

I think we’ll have to try nighttime training again

It might be a protest, but it's still pretty difficult to poo if you actually don't need to.. so she must need to. Maybe she's holding on during the day because she's too busy playing? Or maybe a warm bedtime bath is bringing it on? I would assume it was needed rather than attention but you could try switching her main meal to a different time to see if that helps, and try and get her to go early evening for a sticker?

I'd give the kid the benefit of the doubt tbh. She's only four and has just gone through a big upheaval. I'd just give her the cuddles tbh, seems like she needs them. You may well find that the pooing stops of its own accord.

My 4 yo DD has started To do the same but with wee instead. So easy for her to squeeze a trickle out. Then she has to wash her hands, rolling her sleeves up reallly slowly. It’s funny and infuriating at the same time. Bedtime takes ages now. Hoping it’s just a phase! I’m really firm with mine and tell her after she’s run out of things to ask for that it’s bed time. I’ve had a couple of major tantrums For a few nights, but didn’t cave and just repeated it’s bedtime. She still stalls but now accepts when I say that’s it. Good luck!

@FourPlasticRings I didn’t mean to give the impression that we were trying to be tough on her - I understand that she’s probably doing it for a reason and I’ve tried talking to her about anything that is bothering her at bedtime, hence leaving the door open etc. And when we have sorted her out she always gets a kiss and cuddle. I would just prefer her to get our attention in a different way!

@TimeWastingButFun she goes during the day with no issues and sometimes the bedtime poos are tiny, which is why I assume they are often intentional.

I actually just suggested to DH that I go in a spend some time with her after he has done bedtime - it occurred to me when writing this that maybe she wants that time with me after I have finished putting the baby to bed.