Horrible ‘bedtime routine’

[FightMilkTM]

We’ve got into a horrible rut whereby our almost 1 year old won’t go to bed without getting really upset first.
If I stay in her room with her she just will not go to sleep (we are talking hours!) but it quite happy.
If I leave and swap with my husband she will hysterically cry, as in hyperventilating / can’t catch her breath / very distressed. She is doing this within seconds of my leaving, before he necessarily gets to her room.
However, once I go back in she stops crying as soon as I pick her up and then once she has calmed down she will go to sleep within 10 minutes.
I’ve tried leaving her with him for around 10 minutes but she cries the whole time

It feels like such a sad way for her to go to sleep every night, not to mention being shite for us parents too!

We don’t really know how to change this...

Hi,
This sounds so difficult for you!! It's so hard to start a new routine because she's already grown to expect the old one and expects outcomes from her reactions- mainly if she cries you'll come back in.
The hard thing is that when you try to make changes, everything is likely to escalate before it improves, but if you and your husband agree to a plan together and stick to it, I think you'll be successful! The plan might include planned check-ups, planned ignoring, the exact phrases you'll both use, and the rewards and praise you'll use. You'll have to be prepared to stick it out, but that'll be much easier when you have a solid plan in place and can back each other up.
I run a parenting blog, and I've linked to my tips for establishing a bedtime routine. Everyone is different and individual, but hopefully there are a few points in there that might work for you.
www.happierwithtea.com/establish-a-bedtime-routine-for-toddlers/
It's still quite a new blog so I do massively appreciate any comments/ shares and feedback. Thank you!
All the best with everything!
Freya

With my eldest I found walking in and out of the room worked, leaving for no more than a second to start with and gradually extending it. I would make fairly little eye contact with DD, maybe a pat or stroke, and do something boring like folding clothes in the drawers, so she got used to me being around and settling herself without my full attention. Humming very quietly seemed to help too.