Sleep training

[LexyMcG]

I know this is quite a controversial topic and I really don't want to be made to feel worse than I am already feeling, so please don't give me too much hate!

DS is almost 7 month old and has always been a lousy sleeper. He has a well established night time routine and when he was four months old we moved him into his cot (however, still in our bedroom). We have bed rockers (those wee things you put on the bed's legs so you can rock it) and in order to teach him to fall asleep in the cot we would rock him to sleep, which he did without any fuss. However, he would always wake up after 30-45 minutes. This would then go on all night long. He would also feed maybe 2-3 times every night.

As soon as we felt that he was comfortable in his own bed we decided to sleep train him and stop with the rocking. We decided on the pick up put down method. Tried it for nearly a month. Did not work. Tried the chair method. Did not work. Read a few books and tried some of the tips and tricks mentioned in them but with minimal success. Decided that we should do the controlled crying method, which kind of sucks as we went through it with his older sister and it nearly brok my heart. Although, it did work and she has been a terrific sleeper ever since.

Yesterday DH took DD and went to stay with friends while I started with the training. The first thing I did was move him into his own room to see if maybe sleeping away from us would help matters (this worked very well with DD). He went down at 7:15 with no rocking the bed and surprisingly no crying. Woke up at 9:00 and cried for two bloody hours. I went in every few minutes and only left once he had calmed down. Did not pick him up. Eventually he fell asleep but woke up again two hours later. Gave him a feed and then he proceeded to sleep for almost five hours, which was wonderful! However, I did not sleep because I was laying in bed looking at the monitor and crying because I felt like the worst mum ever.

Today he is is usual happy self, thank god! I decides to try the controlled crying during naps but he just cried and cried so I am thinking that maybe it is better to tackle nights before tackling his naps? Or is that a bad idea?

I'm not entirely sure what I want from this post, I suppose I just needed to write my thoughts down and hopefully hear from people who are or have gone through a similar situation.

I should maybe mention that DD who we sleep trained at six months was a great sleeper before sleep regression hit so I am nervous that it will be more difficult to sleep train DS seeing that he has never been a good sleeper.

Sorry for the loooong post!

Hi @LexyMcG
No advice I'm afraid but in a very similar situation. Ds2 was a crap sleeper before the 4 month sleep regression, and since then has been very up and down in regards to night time sleep. He's 7 1/2 months now and we are in the midst of leap 6 and dear lord am I knackered. Ds1 didn't sleep through until 1 so I know it's just a phase, but is doesn't make it any easier does it !?
I decided last night to put him down awake and come out of the bedroom, I normally sit by his cot (in our room still) until he's asleep. He cried on and off for an hour. Then up at 11 for around an hour, I comforted him but did not get him out of his cot. I felt terrible and hate to hear him cry, but we have both got to start getting some sleep. Happy mum, happy baby !!
Just wanted to share that with you so you know your not alone. Keep us updated with how tonight goes.

I did CC with my DC at 14mo and 8mo. DD because I was starting to hallucinate (up every 45mins all night, sometimes for 3+ hours), DS a lot earlier because I could feel it happening again (up every 30mins), and because he was disturbing DD.

With both we started at bedtime, but did it at naptime as well. In DS's case he would only sleep on me in the day and it was killing me - he was getting heavy and quite violent, plus it meant I couldn't do anything with DD - so we had to do something. We did 1min intervals, never got past 7 or 8mins with either DC. It's horrible at the time but now they're 6 and 2 and for the most part sleep 11-12 hours every night, unless they actually need something!

Good luck OP. I hope it goes well for you. It doesn't work for everyone but if it does, it's a lifesaver.

@CoodleMoodle what did you do when they woke in the night? I'm having the same atm, up every hour and staying awake for an hour maybe 2 at some point in the night every night. Did you leave to cry and console every few minutes? Did you pick them up or leave them in their cot?

@popgoesperfection

Usually I'd go in first to check there wasn't anything actually wrong (no leg stuck through the bars, etc), tuck back in and say goodnight. Then I'd sit on the landing and start timing again, shushing at 1min intervals. It was 10x worse in the middle of the night, especially the second time because I was worried about DS waking DD! Plus it was cold, I was knackered, I hated listening to them crying... I had a fairly easy time of it, though, as both my kids seemed to take to CC very quickly. 3 days maximum.

I really feel for you, it's so hard. Hope you start seeing some results soon.

Why are you doing it if it 'breaks your heart' and makes you feel like the 'worst mum'? You don't have to do this just to 'teach' him... Google The Beyond Sleep Training Project
The wakings are totally normal for his age.
I hope you're doing okay

Thank you for your advice @CoodleMoodle. Night time always feels very lonely doesn't it. I know what you mean about disturbing the older dc, I'm very conscious that he's only in the next room and I don't want him being woken and feeling knackered too!! I'll try the one minute intervals, although he's still in the room with me so I'll have to think of a way he won't see me.

Thank you all for responding! It feels better just knowing I'm not alone. I put DS down at 7:10 and he was fast asleep within seconds! He has now been sleeping for almost three hours. I honestly don't know why he is suddenly sleeping better, maybe it is because he is in is own room? I am hoping this is not a fluke.

To answer the question on why I am doing this despite the fact that it breaks my heart is because for the past seven months I have been up at least once every hour, every night. On top of that I have to take care of my daughter who is not quite two yet. I am exhausted and I just want to sleep. I will keep you updated on how tonight goes!

@popgoesperfection

It definitely helped moving them to their own rooms, we all slept better then.

We only moved DD to her room at 14mo, which is when we did the CC and she slept well after that. We kept DS in with us even after we did CC because his room wasn't ready, and he slept well but not as well. Could've been his age, but probably more that we disturbed each other. Once he went into his own room it was a game changer, really. The only benefit of doing the CC in our room was that it was further from DD! Oh, and I could hide under the covers at 2am instead of sitting on the floor...

We did have to redo the CC with DD at 18mo after she got a dreadful cold - things go out the window then obviously, and we fell back into the old rocking habits, etc. Same with DS at some point, but the sleep training was less painful the second time!

Fingers crossed for you both tonight. A good sleep is just as important for your DC as it is for you

I may have to bring ds1 in with us and move ds2 into the room while we sleep train (they'll be sharing a room unfortunately) and see how we go. So true @CoodleMoodle sleep is so important for us as parents in so many ways!!
Fingers crossed for you @LexyMcG I hope you have a good night !! Don't feel bad for sleep training, being up so many times in the night for so many months is super tough!! There's a reason they use sleep deprivation as torture! You cannot function properly and look after yourself and your children how you want to when you are so knackered, it's also not good for your mental health. You do what's best for you and your family

@LexyMcG

Sorry, I thought I tagged you in my posts as well! I really hope you get some good sleep, it makes the world of difference to the whole family. We were like new people when sleep started happening again.

And it can have ups and downs, like when they're sick or having bad dreams, but teaching DC to self settle is, imo, one of the best things you can do. Some can cosleep, some teach themselves how to do it, but some just can't and need a bit of help, that's all.

Good luck for tonight, for you and your DC!

Thought I might give anyone who might be interested an update on how the last two nights have gone.

Saturday to Sunday went very well! He went to sleep without any crying at all and slept for five hours! I was in shock. He then slept for four hours after a wee feed and then for another three hours before waking up for the day at 7. No crying or fussing at all!

Sunday to Monday (last night) did not go quite as well but still better than before. He slept for 2 hours and then cried for 2 hours, I sat with him until he calmed down and then left the room, we did this for the the whole two hours. He then had a feed at midnight and slept for three hours. Another feed at three in the morning and then almost four more hours of sleep. Up for the day at 7.

Despite the two hours of crying it is till a huge improvement! Before we did this he had never slept for more than maybe two hours. Starting to feel hopeful!

@LexyMcG that sounds like some improvement, and some improvement is better than none at all! It makes all the difference. It sounds like he is on the right sleep track 👍🏻🤞🏻 are you feeling a little better for having more uninterrupted sleep?

@popgoesperfection, I am actually feeling more tired than I usually do, strangely enough! I think my body is in shock that I slept for so many hours Just wondering what I should do about his naps. My husband is home for another couple of weeks so he can take our daughter while I get DS to sleep. A bit worried that it will become very difficult when he goes back to work. Oh, well! Will tackle that hurdle at a later date!

@LexyMcG
That sounds really positive! It's not a magic solution by any means, but it seems as if it's helping a little. I remember DD got the hang of it straight away, whereas DS kept having little blips where we had to redo it for a night or the odd nap, but he got the hang of it eventually.

You'll probably find that he gets used to it soon. He might still protest for a bit when you put him down, but once he's actually asleep he'll start going for longer stretches. Both of mine did that - DD shouted for a good week or two, but once she was asleep that she'd sleep through. Then she started singing to herself before she dropped off, which was sweet!

Fingers crossed it keeps getting better and better for you.

That will be it @LexyMcGyour body is wording what's happening hows was last night? I would crack night time before you try naps.

We are thinking of doing CC after baby's sleep when crazy on holiday. My DD is EBF and was having a dream feed and then a 4am feed - how do you work the feeds with controlled crying?

My 17 month old still wakes hourly, it's completely normal and they sleep through when they are ready :( Facebook "the beyond sleep training project" and "biologically normal infant sleep", lots of advice on how to help them sleep better with no crying. 2 hours of crying is so long for that age I don't know how anyone does it but each to their own

@Bleepers how old is your lo? I know that ds doesn't really need a feed in the night as he eats LOADS during the day plus milk feeds ! So I'll not feed him until after a certain time, say 5. He might have a bottle then, then go back to sleep till half 7ish.
@charlaz it is normal for babies to wake in the night yes, however it does take its toll on both mum and baby and there's only so much sleep deprivation you can take before you start to break. I know from experience with my first ds that waking hourly and going to work for 10 hours a day in a job that requires physical and mental energy really can take its toll. Op didn't say baby cried for 2 hours and left him, she said she stayed with him until he calmed. Babies do cry and it's completely natural for them to do so sometimes.

@popgoesperfection Last night went very well! DS slept for almost seven hours I am so very happy that we decided to sleep train him as it has gone better than I could ever have imagined.
@charlaz It is as you say normal for babies to wake during the night and the point of me sleep training my son is not for him to sleep the whole night without any wake ups. However, past a certain age there is really no reason for a baby to wake up every hour to eat which my son was doing. As I mentioned previously, we did try a lot of different methods that involved little to no crying but they did not work for us. It is awful to listen to your baby cry but honestly doing this has probably saved my sanity.

That's brilliant @LexyMcG !!! As hard as it is to leave them, it definitely pays off as I bet you both feel so much better for it!!!