12 month old hysterical at bedtime

[Bubble77bee]

I am after some advice to help my little boy get to sleep. We have a good bedtime routine, which results in him being calm and sleepy, but the moment I put him in his cot, he gets up straight away and starts crying and reaching for me. I just can't get him to lie down. We've tried a soft toy for him to cuddle, music, dummy. He is ebf and we have his last feed before stories, so he does not feed to sleep. He had several months where you could just lie him down happily and he'd get himself to sleep within a few minutes, then we had a few weeks of more difficult bed times, then a few days of self settling. My partner has more success getting him to sleep at bedtime, usually after I've tried for a while! Nap times have also gone a bit haywire. He starts nursery in a month, and I'm worried about how on earth they are going to be able to get him to nap! At the moment for naps I often have to feed him to sleep or go for a long walk - it can take 30-50 mins for him to fall asleep in the buggy. Is this separation anxiety? Does anyone please have any tips to make bedtime less stressful for him, and me? I'd be happy to stay in his room until he fell asleep, or to do the shush/pat technique, but I can't even get him to lie down, he just reaches for me and cries. Co-sleeping is not an option. I'm worried that he is not getting enough sleep, and hate to see him so distressed.

He may be growing up a little and starting to understand that he and you are seperate entities. This is scary for them. It also passes eventually. But seeing them distressed is very upsetting. By dc2 and dc3 I bit the bullet and when they needed that extra bit at various times I would lie with them for a bit. Hard though!

I'm not totally against leaving him to cry, we' did it a few months ago and within a couple of nights his sleep was much better. But back then he wasn't as hysterical as he is now. We tried it for one nap and he cried for an hour, and still didn't go to sleep. Maybe it's worth trying again though.
Thank you both for your replies.

Don't worry about nursery, they will have their own technique and can work miracle. Mine would sleep at nursery ages after they gave up naps at home!

We went through the same thing- I let DS sleep in our bed a little longer. When he could speak a bit he told us he liked light on and door open, and so we put him in his cot with the bedroom door open and the bathroom light on, and things were much easier. They're such little dots at that age, he might want longer with you?

Sorry OP, did you say he is EBF at 12 months? No solid food?

Sorry, I meant no formula by ebf. He eats three good meals a day. I've started to introduce some snacks as he will be 12 months in a few days.

I'm wondering if night weaning, or stopping breastfeeding altogether will help? I don't really want to stop, although would happily not get up in the night to feed! Has anyone had any experience of how this affects sleep?

Following as going through something very similar with my almost 11 month old x

Oh you’ve just totally described my 11.5 month old!
Her naps are ok, though she sleeps in her pram, I think we’d have the same drama as bedtime if we tried naps in her room.
My husband sometimes has more success than me at bedtime but that’s usually because I’ve been trying for an hour then she hysterically cries when I leave so I think it’s more exhaustion than him having the magic touch.

Last night was marginally better than the last week in that it still took her an hour to go to sleep but she didn’t then wake up every 20 minutes till we went to bed ourselves

She’s also going to nursery in September but only for a couple of mornings so I’ve already told them that whilst she should have a morning nap it’s unlikely that she actually will.

I think there is a 12 month sleep regression so presumably it’s just that...

Ours went barmy at bedtime from about 11 months, which then peaked at 12 months. We used to just sit next to her cot being calm and laying her back down without talking (beyond a shhhh). If you left her to cry she got hysterical and puked (reflux). In a matter of weeks she was back to self settling again. Starting to walk confidently and dropping to one nap helped too.

I've experienced this - it may be that he needs a little bit more awake time. What time does he usually nap, when it happens?

My son had been going to bed at 6:30 for a year or so, but then suddenly went through a phase of screaming the house down at bedtime. Id end up having to stay in the room for over an hour, where I usually could just leave the room. It took me a few weeks to think he might need more awake time so we tried a 7pm bedtime and it was instant magic!

It can go either way though - if naps are irregular, he could well he overtired. You could try and earlier bedtime for a few days or a later one. Try it for more than one night though, whatever you choose.

I do sleeping bag, dark room dummy in and sleepy music on leave the room. Don't go back in unless she's absolutely hysterical which is rare.

About this age my DS refused to believe it was bedtime if I was still in the room. I left him to cry and went in and laid him back down after 2 mins, then after 3, etc. If DH puts him down he’ll settle with DH in the room, but not me.

If he keeps standing maybe try lying/sitting on the floor next to him and patting the cot mattress and shhing. My son does the same and he eventually lies down, over a few days do a gradual retreat ending with shhing outside the door.

It will get better again, I think at that age they've got a lot going on developmentally so they find it harder to switch off and self sooth.

Cry it out is not for everyone @Ohfudgeit it definitely wasn't for me, we did gentle sleep training which meant staying in the room. He did cry in the cot for a bit whilst I was in the room but this lasted 2 days and he knew I was right there. I talked to him gently explaining that it's now sleepy time etc. If you have a supportive partner, I'd get him involved.

We then stayed in the room for about 3 months and then he slowly but surely learned to fall asleep by himself. If he does cry, I still go in an reassure him that we're right there if he needs us.

I am a huge fan of gentle parenting though.

Someone said to my friend once: Maybe we should leave you in a room for 15 minutes when you're hysterically crying, then go back in and then leave again, maybe you'd learn your lesson to never cry again. Surely there is no evidence it wouldn't do any harm to you?

I night weaned at 7 months and carried on feeding during the day to 13 months, some of my friends carried on day feeding to 18 months or more so no reason why you can't continue to bf just not at night. But I would try and crack bedtime first probably. I'm a big fan of comforters and cuddly toys for bigger babies (and older kids too!).