Help! 15 month old DS suddenly hysterical at bedtime

[thecatwiththesilveryfur]

DS has always been brilliant at going down to sleep. Ever since he stopped feeding to sleep at about 9 months, we just do his bedtime routine (bath, PJs, book) and pop him down in his cot and he puts himself very happily to sleep.

Over the last couple of nights, he's been standing up and crying. This has escalated tonight to the point he was crying as soon as I left the room. DH doesn't think we should go back in: he thinks he's just figured out that if he screams, he'll get cuddles and not have to go to bed. I'm just really reluctant to let him cry, but at the same time don't want to get into a situation where I have to sit with him for ages to get him to go to sleep when I know he can do it on his own.

Room temp is fine, no teething, illness etc.

Help! What should we do?

Sounds like a bit of seapration anxiety.

I think there is a middle ground between what your dh wants and not "making a rod" as it were.

I'd do a quick pop back in- time it. 3 mins - back in, lay him down "night night time baby". Then 5mins. Back in, silent, lay him down. Repeat every 5 mins for half hour then go up to 10mins.

It'll be long, but it'll take 3 nights.

Sorry, should have clarified - 5mins of crying, not going in every 5mins regardless.

Thank you so much for such a quick response! He doesn't have separation anxiety in any other way; he goes to nursery happily and is fine being cuddled and left with other people. DH says this sounds more like angry crying than distressed crying, and he has started throwing tantrums recently. We've always previously avoided going in in increments because it winds him up (even if he was calming down, if we go in it ramps him right back up), but maybe you're right that it's time for that.

He seems to be going through a big development phase at the moment; he's just started walking unaided and starting to use some words. Could that be related?

Optimistic bump for any other ideas on how to manage this!

Yes, developmental leaps (walking and talking) affect sleep.

We have had very similar with our 11 month old who has just started walking. He was previously able to self settle, but sleep went downhill a few weeks ago and he now stands and jumps in his cot crying. So I'm interested in any advice too. My little boy can be quite clingy during the day, especially if he is tired.

This is a really common outcome at this age. I wouldnt suggest leaving him to cry or anything like that.

What I'd suggest it needs is developing some independence, confidence and also setting in place some boundaries of what is acceptable behaviour and what isnt.

Start off with independence. So put him in the cot stood up, tap the mattress and ask him to lie down. Do this every single time you put him in the cot, stop lying him down now that he is able to do it himself.

Then, commit to stay in the room with him as he settles to sleep (this is just a short term thing). It is so that you can set some boundaries with him. Do your normal routine and put him in the cot as normal and go to leave but wait by the doorway. You need to watch him like a hawk.

Any time he goes for standing tell him to lie down. If he doesn't, return to the cot and start again. Tap mattress, ask him to lie down. Just keep on repeating it over and over again. Keep the focus only on lying down - keep reaffirming that you expect him to lie down at sleep time, and stay lying down. Be consistent until he gets it and will stay lying down as you wait by the door.

This is much more of a behaviour thing than a sleep thing. Also reassurance of being there will help.