4 month old will not sleep up for 12 hours

[Hope2020]

My 4 month old has always been a poor sleeper due to reflux, but we're currently giving her omeprazole which seems to have curbed much of her reflux symptoms. However, she will not sleep unless I stay in the bedroom with her on the boob. Now she won't even stop crying when DH has her. She seems to already know what she's doing in being defiant though I can't believe that a 4 month old can do that. She has super long periods of awake time when she becomes overtired (usually wakes up 10 minutes after falling asleep and if I'm not there to immediately put her on the boob she wont resettle). I feel so trapped. She won't take a bottle, and if I don't settle her quick enough she becomes so overtired it results in these hours long battles of me trying to get her to sleep. I can't believe I'm being held ransom to my 4 month old. She doesn't like being held, she doesn't prefer being upright, she definitely won't sleep in her cot as soon as I put her in it she screams, white noise doesn't phase her, she cannot be rocked to sleep your arms will fall off before she closes her eyes, tried candles, pitch black room, hit and miss with the car and out in the pushchair. Please don't suggest the CIO method because trust me I'll be in tears more than her.

Any other suggestions please help. I honestly feel like a sleep expert wouldn't know what to do with her. I can't keep crying over this though...

Take her to bed with you.

Have you considered dairy allergy?

So stay with her and let her feed to sleep? She isn't being defiant or holding you to ransome, shes a tiny baby who needs you. She's also likely in prime 4 month regression territory.

As PP said, look into CMPA (dairy allergy). Reflux is a symtom, not a diagnosis in most cases. I know because my 6 month old has dairy and soya allergies and he was a different baby after we worked out what was wrong and cut both from my diet.

Yes does bed sharing help? My 4 month old is also a poor sleeper and I'm at a loss. One thing I would say is that every little thing she does seems to only last for matter of weeks and then she's onto the next phase. I pray and hope that sleep with improve as they develop. I'm planning to just grin and bear it for the time being. Trying to not let it consume my thoughts.

Yes we co sleep most nights because of this, she'll still wake frequently, I'm just there to put my boob in her mouth quicker.

@Missmonkeypenny

So stay with her and let her feed to sleep? She isn't being defiant or holding you to ransome, shes a tiny baby who needs you. She's also likely in prime 4 month regression territory.

As PP said, look into CMPA (dairy allergy). Reflux is a symtom, not a diagnosis in most cases. I know because my 6 month old has dairy and soya allergies and he was a different baby after we worked out what was wrong and cut both from my diet.

I've been dairy free since she was 2 weeks old. Soy free since she was around 11 weeks and egg free since she was 14 weeks. I haven't seen any major improvement since cutting these out. I don't drink coffee, eat tomatoes, spicy food. I also give her a probiotic. We got her tongue tie revised a week ago and she's been to see an osteopath which didn't help.

If I stay with her I have to stay with her for every nap, which I have been doing just so she rests but sometimes I need to cook, clean, go to the toilet, for my own mental health being locked in the bedroom isn't good. Maybe I'm expecting too much from us both and I should try again when she's a bit older?

@EnidMatilda

Yes does bed sharing help? My 4 month old is also a poor sleeper and I'm at a loss. One thing I would say is that every little thing she does seems to only last for matter of weeks and then she's onto the next phase. I pray and hope that sleep with improve as they develop. I'm planning to just grin and bear it for the time being. Trying to not let it consume my thoughts.

You're right about not letting it consume your thoughts, it's such a tough battle. I completely understand why sleep deprevation is a torture method. Wondering if I should continue trying to get her in a sleep routine or not as you said she could get better in a couple weeks.

She's not being defiant. She's being a baby, and sadly many, many books/internet advice etc make out like "all babies sleep through for 12 hours from 6 weeks" or whatever and this simply isn't the case for many, which is why it is such an utter shock for many of us when baby doesn't adhere to text book behaviour. My first born was the same as yours and it was horrific, you have my complete sympathies. Some babies will always be like this as they grow - some change after a few months and start "sleeping through" (though even this is means different things for different children). Just keep going - it WILL improve one day, your little one won't always be like this.

Have you tried swaddling? A dummy? Definitely adjust your expectations- my 3yo has never slept 12 hours straight in his life. He has always been a crap sleeper and sounds much like yours at 4mo. It's tough! I did find longer sleep stretches started happening at 6mo but he didn't sleep through consistently until 2yo. Make sure you're eating well and resting when you can. Maybe your husband can take the baby for a walk or drive while you nap?

My dd was like that. We ended up cosleeping. I slept lying on a towel and she learned to latch on without me waking up! She slept very little and was a grumpy thing. She's at university now.

My almost 16 year old had certainly never slept 12 hours at 4 months old, nor by 4 years old. Some nights I only got respite by putting him down in his swing next to the bed. I think you are expecting too much.

By contrast, his younger sister Slept 12 hours from 6 weeks old.

Bit concerned to read that a 4 month old is being prescribed omeprazole. NICE recommends only from 1 year upwards.

You are 100% expecting too much from her and also expecting too much from yourself too. Cut yourself ( and her ) some slack and just contact nap with her for a few days, if not only to get her out of the overtired miserable state that she's in. Have you confirmed those allergies?

22:53Hope2020

Could you give her a dummy? It is recommended for babies with reflux and would also give you a break from comfort sucking at the breast.

Give yourself a break too, lower your expectations.

@YouJustDoYou

She's not being defiant. She's being a baby, and sadly many, many books/internet advice etc make out like "all babies sleep through for 12 hours from 6 weeks" or whatever and this simply isn't the case for many, which is why it is such an utter shock for many of us when baby doesn't adhere to text book behaviour. My first born was the same as yours and it was horrific, you have my complete sympathies. Some babies will always be like this as they grow - some change after a few months and start "sleeping through" (though even this is means different things for different children). Just keep going - it WILL improve one day, your little one won't always be like this.

I realised my title was misleading, I meant she stays awake for stretches of 12 hours without napping properly. I mean id love a four hour stretch at night! Thank you for this, I think I do need to just be patient and maybe it's just going to take time. I'm just worried when hubby goes back to work (lockdown is lifting) he won't be able to function as he's not sleeping much either. I feel so pressured.

@Itsarattrap

Bit concerned to read that a 4 month old is being prescribed omeprazole. NICE recommends only from 1 year upwards.

I really didn't want to give her medication, we've tried the homeopathic route and other methods. Omeprazole is dosed on her weight, she's 16lbs (91st centile) so she gets around a half dose. It has helped, she no longer wakes up screaming in pain

@KatnissK

Have you tried swaddling? A dummy? Definitely adjust your expectations- my 3yo has never slept 12 hours straight in his life. He has always been a crap sleeper and sounds much like yours at 4mo. It's tough! I did find longer sleep stretches started happening at 6mo but he didn't sleep through consistently until 2yo. Make sure you're eating well and resting when you can. Maybe your husband can take the baby for a walk or drive while you nap?

Yes she doesn't like being swaddled, she will tolerate the sleeping bag when I can get her in it without waking her up, but as we co sleep it's too warm.

She struggles to latch on a dummy or bottle due to her tongue tie. Since having it revised I've been trying it everyday to see if she will take it. Spent a mini fortune on different ones, but read recently the cheap ones from the supermarket sometimes work best, so will give those a go.

My DH does his best, but she's got me as a preference as I have the boobies, so she very rarely will settle with him. He is at his wits end too and doesn't have much patience left as he feels helpless due to the boobie situation. Definitely feel like its my fault as I was adamant on breastfeeding and he wanted to mix with formula from day one (I cant seem to express very well).

In terms of rest, I have definitely adjusted. I can survive on a few hours sleep now, it's more so the mental battle and feeling so lost when she's not sleeping and I'm trying everything I can.

As a lot of people are saying, I must be expecting too much from my little darling. Today I let her sleep as long as she could and she slept 4 hours. Then she had a nap on me 2 hours later and woke up after around 45 mins. So will see how the rest of the day goes.

@BabySleepTeacherUK

22:53Hope2020

Could you give her a dummy? It is recommended for babies with reflux and would also give you a break from comfort sucking at the breast.

Give yourself a break too, lower your expectations.

Yes tried the dummy, she won't take it and she struggles to latch on a dummy. I really feel if she had one she'd definitely fall asleep without me as she comfort sucks a lot. She sucked her thumb in the womb and day 1 after being born but hasnt since.

Yes I'm learning now, I need to relax my attitude towards it and let it come. Though it's hard, she is relying on me. Thank you for your support.

Hi, my LO is very similar - she is one and still waking for boob. I started cosleeping early on so that I could quickly feed her each time she woke up, over time the sleep stretched extended until we are where we are now... I get roughly 6 hours and then quick feed, another hour or so. Good luck!

@Missmonkeypenny

You are 100% expecting too much from her and also expecting too much from yourself too. Cut yourself ( and her ) some slack and just contact nap with her for a few days, if not only to get her out of the overtired miserable state that she's in. Have you confirmed those allergies?

Yes I have taken your advice and today just letting her sleep however she wants, I'm here for her. I'll see how things go.

I haven't had the allergies confirmed, dont know how I'm supposed to do that. But I just know she was having very frequent mucous poos and now she's not, but she has very infrequent dirty nappies ( around once a week, though GP said it's normal for breast-fed babies).

@Goodebe

Hi, my LO is very similar - she is one and still waking for boob. I started cosleeping early on so that I could quickly feed her each time she woke up, over time the sleep stretched extended until we are where we are now... I get roughly 6 hours and then quick feed, another hour or so. Good luck!

Thank you so much! I would love this. Did you notice anything that caused her to change or was it just time?

She's only just had her tongue tie revised, she'll still be adapting

And there is no way a 4 month old baby can be defiant

She has reflux (possibly related to the TT as well as dairy) and is probably heading in to the first sleep regression

I didn't try to put DS down. I used it as time to rest

I miss those days if I'm honest- we had a bad night last night as DS, who is now 3, woke me up and didn't really resettle for an hour, including deciding he had to use the potty at 1 am (well there's a first)

I'm now dying on my arse but he doesn't nap any more (DH is home working today so had the time to run at lunch)

I had DS in the carrier a lot about that age if I was pretending to actually be a useful person rather than a baby bed (rare)

If she has recently had a tongue tie snipped then she may not be feeding efficiently yet. It takes a little while to relearn a good latch. Have you been given massages to do daily? (Different areas have different policies on them).

She isnt being defiant. She is 4 months old. There is a big shift in development at this age and a big sleep regression.

My dd was on omeprazole for reflux but we've weaned her off it for a while. It caused her lots of wind and tummy trouble which negatively affected her sleep.

We had a refluxy non sleeper. It's hell. She slept with me, on boob until about 6 months when she got much better. Never slept through until 2.5 years though, sorry.
The one thing that no one has mentioned so far is a swing chair. We had one from Mama's and Papas if I remember rightly. Strap them in, they swing away, it was the only time she would sleep without me and saved my sanity.

It's a hard age. Sleep regression, reflux etc. I consumed myself with trying to fix it, but probably just need to focus on surviving. Reflux gets a lot better once weaning and sleep usually gradually improved too..