Please someone help me

[BellyMama]

I have a 9 month old and prior to the last 6 weeks she’s been an ok sleeper. Slept through on many occasions and only 2 or 3 wake ups. Then suddenly she won’t sleep. I boob her to sleep normally and then put her in the crib when she’s down. I know this was a bad idea but it worked a treat for the first 7 months of her life and she slept great. Now however she will not go to sleep. As soon as I put her in the cot she’s yelling full volume and nothing I can do helps. She’s become more and more difficult to settle and it’s now reached the point where it’s taking me 2 hours to get her down and she wakes an hour later. I don’t know what to do. I’ve been told by a million people that I need to just leave her to cry but if I do this she screams to the point that she’s sick and she’s hoarse from crying. I’ve also tried putting her down awake and waiting for her to go to sleep - after two hours she’s still up and down the cot, standing up and sitting down, pulling the blankets up and showing no signs of settling. Please god can someone help me - I can’t afford a sleep specialist and I’m a first time mum. Please don’t give me a load of abuse for doing it wrong to begin with as that’s not helpful....

Ds1 was a terrible sleeper from about 4 months then got even worse at 9 months. The health visitor came round and took pity on me. She lent me her book called 'teach your child to sleep' by The Millpond Clinic. it was an absolute life saver. We picked one of the methods and followed it (more or less) to the letter. It was a gradual method but it worked for us and within 3 months he was having two proper naps and a full nights sleep.

OP I think there’s a huge regression around that mark (meant to be the worst). I might get shot down for saying this, but is there anything you can try just to survive this period? For example, will she sleep if you co-sleep?

@lorisparkle I’ve heard this book mentioned more than once and I’m sold - gonna buy it! Thank you, it’s good to know there’s hope 😊
@ELW85 you won’t get shot down by me - unfortunately co sleeping isn’t working very well either - she’s waking so frequently that neither me nor my partner get any sleep when she’s in our bed and she’s now so mobile I’m terrified she’ll go flying off the bed. Am considering a mattress on the floor though 😂 any advice gratefully appreciated though, thank you!

after two hours she’s still up and down the cot, standing up and sitting down, pulling the blankets up and showing no signs of settling

When baby learns to pull to standing, this is quite a usual phase to go through with sleep. Its solvable, don't worry.

Firstly, a baby sleeping bag is much easier for a mobile baby to sleep in, rather than blankets. It keeps baby covered and at an even body temperature even with lots of wriggling and movement.

Secondly, develop some independence of movement. This is important generally, but in particular at bedtime.

So stop doing things that baby can physically do for herself. Every time you put her in the cot, out her in standing up. Tsp the mattress and ask her to lie down. Get her to lie down herself, stop physically lying her down.

Luckily young toddlers are really keen to show you how clever they are, so almost universally they like following instructions. Follow this through in the daytime too - give instructions like take this to Daddy, come here (to get her to climb on the sofa, or come to where you are) rather than picking her up or going to her. Also games like Where's Your... nose/fingers/feet etc.

Its all about developing independence. With that independence comes the ability to choose to do as she's asked, and (as will become the battle) to choose not to do as asked. So the need for firm boundaries and high behaviour expectations - which is what this sleep regression is all about.

Once she (a) physically can go from standing to lying down on her own, and (b) Can understand the instruction to "lie down", then it comes down to being a broken record.

Being calm, not losing you cool, but very consistent is what will help her learn.

So put her in the cot, already in a sleeping bag, stood up. Tap the mattress and tell her to lie down. Dont lie her down. Similarly if she has a dummy or comforter, put these in the cot and get her to find and pick them up herself, don't hand them to her.

Then stay close, you need to watch her like a hawk so that you can respond instantly.

If she goes for standing up, respond before she's even sat up. Tap the mattress and tell her to lie down. You are teaching her that at sleep time, you expect her to lie down and stay lying down and that nothing else is acceptable behaviour.

Having the sleeping bag helps here, less faff than blankets. If she manages to stand up, tell her to lie down again (they are very eager to please at this age). If not, pick her up and calm her with a cuddle. When calm, start again - into cot standing up, tap mattress and tell her to lie down.

Just be mega repetitive about it, over and over again to establish the expectation she lies down... by choice... so she independently deciding yo do as you ask.

Once she (eventually) lies down, you putting your hand on her chest may calm and sooth her. But mostly just wait. Keep insisting she lies down, hand on chest yo sooth. If getting distressed lift and cuddle to calm (not to sleep, to calm only) and start again from the beginning - putting into cot stood up.

It is my favourite book so I am always recommending it! I like the fact it does not "preach', gives you facts not opinions, and gives you different methods so you choose the one that suits you! I was also so sleep deprived that I liked the step by step instructions as then I did not have to think!!!

@BellyMama - look up Sarah Stockwell Smith (I think!) she’s done an article on floor beds!