Sleep deprivation from 1st baby put you off having another?

[Jlp1234]

I’m a first time mum to a beautiful baby girl who is now 8 months old. Shes never ever been a great sleeper, so we co slept until 7 months because her sleeping was SO poor and it caused me to spiral into PND because of being so sleep deprived 24/7.

She’s 8 months now and has hit a new all time low, she wakes constantly, refuses to settle and often is awake for 2-3 during the night.. EVERY FREAKING NIGHT!

My DP has mentioned potentially trying to baby number 2 at some point next year but I think the experience with our 1st has totally put me off having any more because I couldn’t imagine having to go through this whole sleep circus again for a 2nd time.

Is anyone else the same/felt the same?

Yes absolutely. But she got to 14 months and as a last resort I did a version of sleep training and it worked. She sleeps beautifully, and I'm pregnant.

I have to say I'm terrified though, not sure I can do 14 months of that again. Nearly broke me. Hoping second one a little easier.

A lot of people I know did wait until the first ones sleep improved before trying for a second, obviously varying ages depending on the child

It put me off until he was 20 months when I finally felt ready for a 2nd. Im glad I did as DS1 didn't sleep through the night until he was 7 years old but having a younger brother really was/is fantastic for him (and us).

DS2 was pretty bad sleeper too - didn't sleep through until he was 3. We just played musical beds and slept however was best for everyone in the family, involving various variations of cosleeping.

It's so much easier the second time around, I promise. You are more prepared and far more sensible/wiser. My first was a horrific sleeper, but in hindsight I let it go on for far too long before doing sleep training with her. My second was amazing in comparison, I was much stricter in terms of her staying in her own crib (the bedside ones are amazing), having a routine at night and we were all much happier. My babies 2 and 3 were all sleeping in 8 hour stretches by 4 months and reliably sleeping 12 hours by 6 months.

Ha yes. My first was a terrible sleeper until he was one. Put me off
Trying for a while. But I did have a second. She slept horrifically until gone three. There is no way I’m ever trying for a third!!

If my youngest had been my first he would have been an only!

My nearly 3yo still doesn’t sleep. I get my 8hrs so I’m not a zombie any more, but putting him to bed is a massive undertaking because he’s awake till 11.30pm. DH and I never get any time alone to even make a second child! We take turns sitting in his room for hours on end, reading books and playing shadow games with the torch. It’s a large part of why we won’t have another child.

Oh don't worry, you'll get to the point where your DC sleep absolutely fine, you forget all about the sleep deprivation and then do it again.

Yes. My first was an awful sleeper and I nearly decided she was going to be an only child because of it; I particularly found returning to work very difficult due to the chronic sleep deprivation. However my DH eventually talked me into another so that she had a sibling, and I’m really glad she does. There is a 5 year age gap between them.

My second wasn’t a much better sleeper although we were very different with her, and I did realise then that it wasn’t really the parenting that made a difference but just how they are and they learn to sleep through eventually. Both great sleepers now! I love their age gap though, it has worked really well and I wouldn’t have planned it like this so that has been a bonus for us.

Two of my 3 were soul-destroying non-sleepers. I feel your plight, OP!
I have big gaps between my children and it's worked beautifully. I just function better. I don't know what I would have done if I were waking up with DC3 all night (which I was) and also trying to cope with the needs of a two-year-old or even 3 year old.

I want to say that my second child was a better sleeper. By 8 months, she was sleeping through. My third took me right back to the horror film that is lack of sleep. So, there is NO trajectory with babies. You learn better coping skills as a parent. Experience is a great teacher but it doesn't guarantee a fix for things out of our control. I have to say, with DC3, I had no bag o' tricks. Each child is individual and they bring their own stuff to the table of life. There is no 'one size fits all'. We don't pop out clones who respond to the same approach. Some people do have kids who are just born Zen and the same approach works for all of their babies. I haven't met those parents- or babies- in the flesh, to be honest.

I wouldn't be put off having another baby later. But in your shoes, no way would I be ttc right now. Is time on your side? I'm just wondering why your DH is putting pressure on you when clearly, he must know you've been swimming upstream. Another baby so close in age will drown you.
It's totally ok to have age gaps and just have some YOU time between babies. Just catch your breath OP. When your DC sleeps through the night, fuck me it's the stuff of pure beauty. I still pinch myself. I DO have these moments where I'm like, "Wow! I've been having uninterrupted sleep for years now!" I still celebrate. Too bad menopause is lurking around the corner like a masked bandit, waiting to disrupt my sleep again!

1st - slept beautifully
2nd - never slept EVER
3rd - even better than the first

Really there is no rhyme nor reason. Try not to let if put you off. We don't know what hand we will be dealt. Perhaps wait until you're less tired.

As an aside could she be hungry? Weetabix before bed maybe...

My first didn’t sleep. Woke every 90 minutes for first year, then every 3 hours till 2.5. We also had a phase for about 6 months where he would be awake from 1-4am every night. We always ended up cosleeping as we couldn’t cope with getting out of bed constantly.

My 2nd slept through the night from 10 weeks and still does at 15 months. Is in bed for 6:30 and we don’t hear from her until 7am the next day.

Fine here crossed you get a sleeper next time!

Absolutely. DS just turned 3. I have actually blanked out much of the first 6 months of his life....

DH however agrees with me thankfully

My first does not sleep, and I am now 36 weeks pregnant with the second. The first has now slept through 8 out of the last 10 nights. So fingers crossed I get at least 3weeks of sleep before back to newborn hourly waking!

Most I know with a poor sleeping dc1 have a good sleeper in dc2 as they are naturally left longer so are sort of unintentionally sleep trained while the parents deal with dc1.

What is dp doing to help you get more sleep?

It definitely put me off. I was really really awful at dealing with the sleep deprivation, much worse than I thought seeing as prior to having a baby I was a night owl and used to go to work of 3 or 4 hours sleep no problem. He hardly slept, lots of feeding issues and just generally very unsettled.

I would love another but I don’t know if I could do it again. I definitely never would have had two under 2 as it would have broke me.

Yes, my DS is 21 months and I'm only now thinking that another one next year would be nice. For the first year I really thought that I wouldn't ever want to have any more and have softened a bit more to the idea as he started to sleep better at night (from about 14 months)

Some people say that it's best to have them closer together so that you get the baby stage over in a chunk rather than spread it out. It probably works for some people but it's definitely not something I could deal with.

If you don't think you could manage it then definitely wait until you feel you want another child.

I was half mad with sleep deprivation, it actually made me mentally unwell for a spell.

I waited until dc 1 was 2year 3 months to conceive, they are exactly 3 years apart.

I regret not having had dc2 sooner, a 3 year age gap is a pain in the arse IME, I really wish it were smaller.