Is 5 months too early to start gentle sleep training/alternative settling methods?

[Salire86]

Hi,

Baby is coming up to 5 months this week and I’m wondering is it too soon to attempt gentle sleep training. I have been looking at Lucy Wolfe’s book and was hoping to start that at 6 months but the past few nights she has been fully waking in the early hours as opposed to just needing to be fed.

I have no issue with the night feeds but I would like to develop alternative ways for her to settle to sleep. She will only go to sleep while being breastfed, at night and for naps. This obviously means all sleep comes down to me and I can never be too far away. My partner is great and has no issues trying to settle her but she gets so upset that we abandon attempts soon after starting. However, I know think I’m not doing her any favors as when I got back to work I won’t be there to feed to sleep. She will go to sleep in the buggy or car but I sometimes work until 10 at night.

Anyway my question is, is it too early for me to start trying to teach her to sleep on her own (while one of us comfort her verbally or through touch)?

Also she won’t take a dummy. I have extended my maternity leave for an additional 2 months to give me time to work on her sleep and weaning her off the breast so I have three months to do things gently, I just don’t know how!

Developmentally anytime between 4 and 6 months I’d the ‘sweet spot’ apparently but 6 months for the more direct methods like CIO.
Our LO is nearly 4 months and I’ve been giving him the opportunity to get used to putting himself to sleep in his crib. Working on nights first then naps, just using routines so he ‘gets’ that a swaddle and white noise mean sleep.
I can’t possibly do CIO (I couldn’t do it from my emotional perspective!) so just hoping it works!

@ELW85 we have been consistently doing a routine for about 6 weeks now. I had been trying to put her down drowsy but more often than not she was either too awake or had already gone asleep. I definitely don’t want to go down the controlled crying route or cio although I know there will obviously be tears no matter what I try. I’m just torn between her being too young and needing me to feed her to sleep while also thinking the process may be a lot easier and less stressful for her If I do it now.

Look up the No Cry Sleep Solution. It doesn’t promise an overnight solution but I used it twice to separate the idea of breastfeeding from sleep. I began using it from 5/6 months and by 8 months while he was breastfed he wasn’t needing it to sleep. I also then kept a food and milk diary and didn’t feed between 10-4ish but would pat back to sleep. And then gradually reduced how many pats he needed. And eventually he stopped waking in that slot. And then around 10/11 months dropped the 10 pm feed so was sleeping 7-4 (but might need a pat or two at night) and then at about 14/15 months dropped the 4 am feed but by then he was also transitioning to cow’s milk. And by the time he was 18 months didn’t need patting for night wake ups. Although my younger one who is 3 still likes a few pats after bath and story to send him to sleep.

I also separated various stages of the sleep process and gently trained for each stage a little differently: the falling asleep, the staying asleep, linking breast and sleep, but I was happy to offer a comforter, in one case a dummy and the other one a muslin cloth.

@Salire86 - it is so hard to be fair; I’m in such a similar boat! Will your LO be rocked etc as although its just another sleep association, it takes feeding out of the picture?
So could you feed til drowsy then finish off with a pat/shush etc and then build up to doing it in the crib?
There’s a lovely lady on here who helped me with some great advice. I’ll post the screenshots of the advice to save her posting again; I’m sure she wouldn’t mind!
They might not be in the right order, sorry!

I think at the end of the day, sleep stuff is a hugely personal and emotive topic, with everyone having different tolerance levels for what they can go through, crying wise and how quickly they want results. You totally have my sympathies though as I’m in a very similar boat.

Does she know she has hands/a thumb to put in her mouth? It may sound weird, but she may not know it calms her down.

I'd also give a small stuffed animal of some kind, as she might find something to suck on there. And something soft, cuddly and warm against her cheek or in her hands.

Fwiw, I usually keep/kept comforting as poor in stimulation as possible. No real eye contact, no patting, no talking, stroking their hand at best. One song, in bed and leave in peace. Obvious didn't let them cry, definitely don't attend to every squeak either.

I think it is far too young. But then I am opposed to any form of sleep training.
Babies know what they need, so if they wake up, they clearly need something.
Anything under 6 months is still so young.
I’m highly guessing this is your first baby.

Ah, but you don't want to end up instilling the wrong routines, like being rocked to sleep. A childminder or nursery is not going to do that for you.

Babies wake up naturally, but it doesn't mean they necessarily nerd you to put them back to sleep again at this age and after.

And I say that as a mum of three very small children who all coslept in the very beginning.

@kikibo

I think it all depends on your on situation.

I had the option of not going back to work, and therefore DS has never been anywhere near any other carer other than me

@2155User I don’t have the option of not going back to work. I really don’t want her to be completely stressed all day and evening because she only knows how to go to sleep with a boob. I’m lucky that I could extend my leave otherwise I’d have to go back before she’s 6 months

Spotted my posts upthread

@Salire86 there is no "too soon" to start teaching baby to sleep independently.

You can start at 1 week old to put baby down wrapped in a swaddle with a dummy and that's your ideal No-Crying way of teaching baby to sleep independently. Right from word go, right from birth. Indeed most sleep issues come specifically from not teaching independant sleep early/young enough, resulting in the need to use distressing methods later like CC or CIO.

You mention no dummy. That's a shame because a dummy is the gentlest and simplest way to achieve independant sleep in a no-crying no distress way. I mention this because it's worth persevering with the dummy. Sucking to sleep is nature's way to sooth baby without crying (Its why feeding to sleep works).

The second best after sucking for soothing is to use movement for sleep. Ideally for independent sleep put baby down awake in something that moves (pram, bouncer) and get to sleep in that, rather than rocking to sleep in your arms and putting baby down already asleep. Due to Safe Sleep Guidance of focus this on daytime naps rather than night time. So develop the independence for naps but (initially) keep feeding to sleep and/or trying with the dummy at night.

I'm also firmly in the teach-early camp.

My children have also known nobody but me, as I work from home (and chose to carry on pretty much from two weeks out of sheer boredom).

HOWEVER, I do think independent sleeping as a baby is sooooo important. Not because you can't be a SAHM all your life, but to avoid issues later. They need your help to learn this, though.

All my three have been dummy free too, because I found that in the womb they don't have dummies, so they don't know any better when they are born. They already know how to put their thumb/hands in their mouths to suck, so why try to drive that out of them to then cause distress 2 years later to wean them off the thing? Without a dummy, you'll never have distressed babies in the middle of the night who've lost their dummy. They always know how to find their hand from about 4-6 weeks. You also spare yourself the sterilising.

You can also show them how it works by gently pushing their fist into their mouth when they are crying (like the first times BF really).

Sorry @FATEdestiny - hope you don’t mind! It was just such great advice!

@FATEdestiny i have kept on trying with the dummy with no joy unfortunately. She always seemed to hate the feeling of them and she just chews it now.

I have tried the bouncer and buggy in the house but she ends up getting cross and crying. She’s very determined and will fight the sleep. She will sleep on a walk or in the car but I didn’t feel like this was teaching her to settle herself as sleep seemed to be involuntary. I tried both bouncer and buggy at home today with no joy and it just led to her being overtired as she was then awake for three hours. I also think she may be teething though so maybe it’s not a good time to be trying anything.

I would just love if someone else beside me could settle her for naps or bed. Perhaps that’s selfish of me but it takes its toll after 5 months. I definitely think lockdown made things far worse because she’s so used to me being with her 24/7. I just hope things improve before I am due to go back to work.

@Salire86 - I think falling asleep in the car or out definitely will help as you’re not physically touching her to get her to sleep, so she’ll know she can fall asleep alone?
Is she using her hands to soothe herself yet? That could be a good, gentle alternative to a dummy that you could encourage?
My sympathies, it’s so tough.

@ELW85 she’s started to try suck her thumb but she hasn’t fully got the hang of it yet. I have given in today and am lying in bed the past hour so she’ll get a decent nap.

@Salire86 - I don’t blame you! I’m working on naps from this weekend (wanted to try and nail nights first) And I’m dreading it!