Help meeeeeeee

[LividLaughLovely]

15 week old. Ebf.

Past week has been hell of wake ups every hour or so. I recorded it last night and there were SEVEN wake ups between 10.30pm and finally getting up at 8am. Baby feeds to sleep every time and takes 15m-1hour.

He feeds v frequently in day too so is definitely not starved. No hv or anything really due to covid.

Don’t feel safe at all co-sleeping and too paranoid to attach cot to bed because it would mean we can’t use Angelcare monitor.

Too tired to even think. Does this regression just go away soon??

Yes! Could be four month sleep regression or whatever but I never tracked stuff like that, I just know everything is a phase and soon sorts itself out. First baby? I would recommend camping in your bedroom today, sleep when the baby sleeps even if it’s in half an hour bursts. The house work and everything else can wait.

That sounds so exhausting. You poor thing. I'm no help because when mine were like this I co-slept, it was the only way I got any sleep. Sleep deprivation is torture so I hope someone will come along with better help.

You say baby isn’t attached to the bed but is baby in a crib next to your bed? Or are you having to get up to feed?

He’s next to the bed so bring him into bed to feed then put him back. He’s currently sleeping on my shoulder and wakes up if I try to lie him in cot so I can sleep. This is new. He normally goes down to nap fine in the day.

Housework PP? Bwah hah ha. I can barely write this.

I'm afraid my only advice is that I got through that phase by co sleeping and kicking DP into the spare room while me and DD had the big bed to ourselves. I think in total that lasted from when she was about 16 weeks until she was maybe just under 6 months and then we moved her to her own room. I actually quite liked it, it meant no worrying about me and DD waking up DP when he had work in the morning, I could just roll over to feed her then roll away again, it made things easier for us. If you're having to get up out of bed every single time that must be a nightmare 😥

😂 sorry housework is probably a terrible example anyway (thats all us mums do right, housework and feed the baby?)... I just meant put yourself into survival mode for a couple of days because I’m confident it will pass

I’ve never been able to let my little one fuss for very long (year old and still feeding at night) so I don’t entirely know what the solution is other than feeding when he wakes. However, I do find that Ollie the Owl with his sensor lullaby helped settle DS; about the age we also introduced one of those comforters (the flat teddy things?) and he’d play with the label on that, that would help him settle. And of course you could attempt to express some milk so DH (sorry, assumption) could attempt to feed but that never worked out much for help.

too paranoid to attach cot to bed because it would mean we can’t use Angelcare monitor

Could do with exploring this a little more.

SIDS risk (which I assume you are referring to) is about balancing risks against each other. Baby sleeping on you while your tired at night is more dangerous. It is also the case (While controversial) that baby sleeping on a seperate matters to you (in a bedside cot) is far more safe than bring baby into bed with you.

The angelcare monitor is not recommended by the Lullaby Trust anyway as a SIDS protection. This is because the false alarms you get can result in you taking the alarms less seriously. Also, thus us horrible to say, but in the wore case of baby's death, the monitor alerts you after baby has stopped breathing rather than in enough time to stop it.

I think the main reason the angelcare mats are not recommended though is that they give a false sence of security. The best way to reduce your SIDS risk is to follow Lullaby Trust advice like seperate flat mattress for baby, back to sleep, clear cot etc.

Have you tried a dummy?

(Dummy use is a recognised way to lower SIDS risk. Research and evidence based on the Lullaby Trust websit)

Sorry I should have added more helpful things as well, we have always used white noise for bed time for DD and still use it now that she's two. I bought a white noise machine from amazon and it seems to have worked really well for us.
I also made sure the room she's slept in (mine or her own room) was as dark as humanly possible, I bought a load of black out fabric and fixed it to the windows in both rooms and I think that has helped.
It's useless advice potentially now because of corona, but days when I felt really desperate I'd ask my mum or his mum to come round in the day to watch her while I caught up on sleep, I don't know if you could ask someone to take your DC for a long walk in the pram after a feed so you can sleep for an hour or two?
Good luck!

This is heart burn
You put him down and the acid rises
Milk soothes the acid

Raise the cot in one side so head above belly at all times

He has an underdeveloped stomach muscle so the muscle is open or partly open allowing acid to his throat

It will improve around 6 months when they sit up

Keep head above stomach at all times

His head end is one notch higher. No difference.

Half people say cosleep. Half people say don’t. I’m not anyway cos no room.

Angelcare reassures in that I couldn’t sleep without it. Dispute that false alarms make you blase.

But I’m here instead of googling when you die from lack of sleep so what do I know.

Once tonight he woke up on being put down and let me rock him back to sleep over my shoulder rather than in boob. So that was a minor victory. Lasted less than an hour obvs.

God I’m tired.

Is the problem that he’s waking often or that he won’t let you put him down?

In my head, you would feed him when he wakes, lay him back down in his cot, you’d both go back to sleep until he woke again. If you’re sleeping whenever he is sleeping then you will slowly start to feel better, assuming he’s getting roughly 16 hours a day.

But if he is also stopping you sleep when he’s asleep (by only sleeping on you) then that’s a whole different issue...

Not putting down. Sleeps fine on me but will no longer be put in cot.

Eventually cried hysterically at 4am so he took him downstairs until he cried loud enough. Ended up booting husband, pillows and covers from bed and sleeping curled around him for safety.

Baby approved of this and is only just stretching awake now. So I’ve had a couple of hours and feel more human but I DONT WANT to cosleep! I get a numb arm cos no pillows (sure there’s another way but makes me too nervous) and have no spare room so only works because husband volunteered to watch over us the first hour when I was inconsolable and then go to work at 7am... in essence this leap can do one.

I DONT WANT to cosleep!

Why not go for a sidecar cot (full sized cot with one side removed)? Best of both worlds then. You can cuddle close and encircle baby in the cot, then extract yourself back to your own bed (with duvet and pillows) when needed.

No brainer.

Going to sidecar the cot for tonight out of desperation.

Previously didn’t like the way it blocked my getting out of bed (caesarean) and aforementioned inability to use Angelcare.

Since you can’t use Angelcare if emergency cosleeping either, I guess I’ll have to suck it up and just be kind his breathing every three minutes 🤦🏽‍♀️

^check his

I know you know this, but you are not going to get any sort of quality sleep if you're attempting to check your baby's breathing every three minutes.

It sounds like you're a very attentive mum who is really attuned to her baby; I very much doubt that you actually need a monitor in order to sense what's going on with a baby you're lying right next to.

If you don't feel your anxiety around this will subside, though, is throwing some money at the problem an option? Those owlet sock things presumably don't have the same issues as the Angelcare monitor does when using a sidecar cot, so although that is admittedly quite a lot of money to throw at the problem, they might be worth looking into? But I do think that giving the sidecar a chance, and yourself a chance to dial your alertness to a workable level for that arrangement, is probably the first order of business. Best of luck!

Firstly, please, just breathe and relax.
Secondly, research risks etc. The risk of anything happening to your child is FAR smaller than the risk of something happening to you through sleep deprivation.
Thirdly, it’ll pass. In time, and sometimes a long time, but it’ll pass. You just have to do whatever you can to survive these newborn months.

@Persipan we had an Owlet and sold it because the Angelcare was so much easier when he was newborn 🤦🏽‍♀️

Throwing money at the problem won't reduce your anxiety.

As you're already finding, having a child is about living with risk and managing that risk, not eliminating it.

Cosleeping is a risk (and undesirable to many) but can become the lesser of the risks when the alternate is baby awake all night being held. Likewise a sidecar cot carries risks, and in your case means the angelcare monitor isn't as effective sometimes, but you have to balance that risk against the alternates and figure out which is your tolerable risk.

If any risk is making you feel anxious to the point it is affecting life with your baby, then this is probably Post Natal Anxiety and talking to the doctor would be advisable.

I agree with @BabySleepTeacherUK

I don’t think the issue here is baby’s sleep, it’s your anxiety.
Parenting will not be enjoyable for you if this level of anxiety continues.

Ha. It took a lot of time and loss to get this far, and baby was born at the start of lockdown as the world went mad.

Don’t think the anxiety is going anywhere soon

I don’t think the issue here is baby’s sleep, it’s your anxiety.

I suspected this, which is why I was attempting to get to the root of the problem.

I want to throw all sorts of science and statistics at you (I do at a lot of new mums) but I worry that will be insensitive and unhelpful.

Step one here is to hand the baby over to your husband and get some sleep.

I think @LividLaughLovely that firstly you need some decent sleep, and then straight after that you need to seek professional help for your anxiety.