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Original poster

Help and advice desperately required - 3.5 year old sleep

19 replies

eleventysecondnamechange · 02/07/2020 08:31

So I've had a loooong break from mumsnet but I come back begging for help...
We have a 3.5 year old boy who is having serious issues with sleep and it's affecting us badly as you can imagine.
He slept brilliantly from the age of 1 to 3, and after that started waking in the night multiple times and for hours at a time. Last night he slept at about 8, then woke up shouting for us at 11pm, I went in and got him back to sleep eventually, then left and ten minutes later he was shouting again. This continued until 2:30am. This is a very common situation and happens most days of the week. He's slept through the night twice in the last 2-3 months. I would happily have him come and sleep in our bed but he doesn't settle and always asks to go back to his room after about 5 minutes. We are on the floor, not to mention we also have a 1.5 year old also and I am 6 months pregnant.

I just don't understand, I would have thought at his age he would sleep deeply and soundly, what is going on in his head that gives him this kind of insomnia? He is a very happy, energetic, inquisitive and well adjusted child in the day time. I don't know what happens to him at night.

If anyone has any ideas or similar experience I'd love to hear! We're on the floor.

OP posts:
Original poster
eleventysecondnamechange · 02/07/2020 19:39

Bump!

OP posts:
fedupandlookingforchange · 02/07/2020 19:49

Mine (3) isn't sleeping deeply at the moment I think its a combination of hot nights and no preschool. He was fine in the cooler weather. He does insist on sleeping under a duvet and even if I take it off when he's asleep he wakes up.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 03/07/2020 06:20

I was hoping there might be some answers on here. Our 3 year old has stopped sleeping well and is up multiple times a night. We’re all knackered.

milknapplayrepeat · 03/07/2020 08:12

@TestingTestingWonTooFree

I was hoping there might be some answers on here. Our 3 year old has stopped sleeping well and is up multiple times a night. We’re all knackered.
Lol same! My DD has just turned 3 and hasn’t been sleeping well for weeks now. Slept through 7-7 for over a year and then a few weeks into lockdown she dropped her nap and all hell broke loose. Things have calmed down a bit — she was previously waking repeatedly and for HOURS in the night — but she’ll still wake multiple times from about 3am onwards. Tried earlier bedtimes (thinking overtired), later bedtimes (thinking not tired enough), a catnap in the day, loads of exercise, loads of play, blackout windows... nothing conclusively makes a difference. I’ve now resigned myself that it’s yet another phase to weather — just one I could do without when 30 weeks pregnant! 🤦🏼‍♀️ It does seem to have coincided with a massive jump in her talking/comprehension so might be related?! I’m potentially clutching at straws haha.

Anyway, sending buckets of tea/coffee to fellow parents of threenagers! This too shall pass? Hopefully?! One day?!?

Fatted · 03/07/2020 08:18

What does he want when he is shouting?

At this age, he's old enough to understand bed means bed. Sort out what he needs and then leave him to it. He can understand that he doesn't need to sleep, but he also doesn't need to be waking up his parents if he's awake.

Original poster
eleventysecondnamechange · 03/07/2020 08:41

Very comforting to know we're not completely alone with all this!

@Fatted he just wants us to get into bed with him, it's like he's forgotten how to put himself back to sleep. We did try to 'sleep train' again, go in, make sure he's ok, and then leave him, but he screamed the house down (not just angry screaming but really upset) so we relented. He is very very highly strung at the moment (not sure if this is a stage or just his personality) and has very little tolerance.

OP posts:
BabySleepTeacherUK · 03/07/2020 10:00

If he's highly strung at the moment, that might be the reason why he's not sleeping well. Stress and anxiety does that, even on a 3yo's scale.

Lack of tolerance, in my experience, stems from lack of sleep and as soon as sleep improves so does tolerance levels.

Some things to reduce anxiety at this age:

  • Have a light on. Either a lamp, or the landing light and door open, or a dimmer switch on the main light. A night light might not be enough light.
  • Look around the room at night with the overnight light on. There may be oddly shaped shadows or dark spaces that look scary.
  • Talk to your toddler. Ask about what scares him. Specifically ask for exact descriptions about bad dreams and negative thoughts, as much as possible. Then rescript the scary thoughts. So give alternate endings to dreams or thoughts (the dark place is where special fairies live who protect you at night, for example. It's dark because you aren't supposed to see them)
  • The parental bed should always be a toddlers "safe space" when scared at night. But set limits. A five minute cuddle after a bad dream is enough, then back to own bed. Much better that you establish your bed for this, rather than you in childs bed (which just reiterates that its not safe without Mum in there).
  • Reward and bribe. Offer a biscuit or special breakfast if toddler stays in bed all night.
Harrysmummy246 · 03/07/2020 11:23

It may also be anxiety regarding another new sibling arriving?

milknapplayrepeat · 03/07/2020 18:20

@Harrysmummy246

It may also be anxiety regarding another new sibling arriving?
This is a good point, had occurred to me too. Thinking about it, OP, we’re both pregnant and our 3yos are both playing up at night... 🤔
Adamandtheaunts · 03/07/2020 18:26

Where's he at with potty training? If he doesn't wear a nappy do you take him for a wee when you go to bed? It was the solution for us.

Original poster
eleventysecondnamechange · 04/07/2020 08:56

@BabySleepTeacherUK

Thank you for this, he has had a light on in his room for many months now but it doesn't seem to make any difference. After I read your reply I asked him if there are any shadows that scare him but he said no, he said he just generally feels afraid of the dark. I like the reward/bribe idea! Haven't tried that as I try to keep it to a minimum but this does seem like an idea time to try it!

OP posts:
Original poster
eleventysecondnamechange · 04/07/2020 08:58

@Harrysmummy246

It may also be anxiety regarding another new sibling arriving?
Perhaps, I thought maybe he wouldn't feel this as he has already had to suffer through having a younger sibling Grin but he did actually take it quite hard, there is still a bit of jealousy towards her even though in general they seem to truly love eachother. Maybe I should try and reassure him about this.
OP posts:
Original poster
eleventysecondnamechange · 04/07/2020 08:59

This is interesting! There may be something in it!

OP posts:
Original poster
eleventysecondnamechange · 04/07/2020 09:02

@Adamandtheaunts

Where's he at with potty training? If he doesn't wear a nappy do you take him for a wee when you go to bed? It was the solution for us.
He is securely potty trained but wears a nappy at night. Funnily enough for the last week he has been having completely dry nappies at night but only because he wakes us all up in order to have a wee in the middle of the night, and then struggles to get back to sleep. I think he hates weeing in his nappy now. We have tried so many times to convince him to have a wee before going to bed but he is adamant that he won't for some reason (he is extremely headstrong). Perhaps I might employ a bribe here as well!
OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 04/07/2020 09:03

How’s his day routine? Any naps, gets enough fresh air etc?

Original poster
eleventysecondnamechange · 04/07/2020 16:23

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

How’s his day routine? Any naps, gets enough fresh air etc?
He has been an early nap-dropper. He dropped his naps altogether at about 2 years and 8 months-ish. He's very active in the day, if he's not outside running around then he's leaping over the furniture in the house!
OP posts:
Harrysmummy246 · 04/07/2020 19:07

We dropped naps even earlier than that. Only just potty trained but does like to go for a wee before bed (now part of the routine)

Original poster
eleventysecondnamechange · 04/07/2020 20:02

@Harrysmummy246

We dropped naps even earlier than that. Only just potty trained but does like to go for a wee before bed (now part of the routine)
Does yours wear nappies to bed now or no need? I think I might experiment with pants soon...but also we don't really need any extra complications at night right now!

I have just 'incentivised' him to have a wee before bed with a treat tomorrow morning (not yet determined). He was extremely keen and went and had a wee immediately. We shall see if this makes any difference!

OP posts:
FM79 · 19/07/2020 08:31

Hi all, This is my first post here, I'm the dad of a 3.5 years old daughter (no other siblings). Posting here as she won't sleep well, still. She never slept great to be honest. But I'd like to see if anyone has any advice...
Basically she wakes up either once or twice during the night. There are 2 patterns: 1/ she cries or call for us, so either my wife or I go give her a quick hug, leave the room and she usually falls back asleep. 2/ she just gets up (no cry) and come to our bedroom and want to sleep with us. We then go straight back with her in her room, put her back to bed without saying a word (as some books recommend). But still, she continues to wake up.

A few other general info. We usually put her in bed at 9pm. Maybe she's not been trained properly? we used to sleep with her a lot at the beginning when she was waking up in the middle of the night (we have a mattress on the floor in her bedroom). Also, she still has a nappy for the night. Usually when she wakes up she removes the nappy (whether it's dried or not).

Well, I know every situation is unique, that's why I wanted to give lots of details. If you have an idea, please let me know. I''d live her and us to sleep better :-)

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