Sleep training 9 month old ADVICE NEEDED

[Yaskat]

Hi, I’m looking for advice/personal experiences as I have started sleeping training my 9 month old using the Ferber method and I’m hating it!

We decided to start sleep training because it was taking baby 1-3 hours to get back to sleep each night after night feeds (1-2 a night). Neither of us were getting enough sleep so something has to change.

We’re on day 5, at bedtime she cried for 10-15 minutes before falling asleep but last night after a night feed she cried for over an hour. She cries whenever I take her into the bedroom now and her naps are more unsettled now since starting. She also seems more clingy and not quite herself and I just feel terrible.

Is this normal behaviour in day 5? How long until she stops crying at bedtime and gets used to it?

I feel like stopping and trying a different method. Any advice would be much appreciated.

Thanks.

Hi, sorry things are tricky right now. I've read it can take up to 2 weeks for this method to show success. We sleep trained at about 7 months and had about 3 nights of crying and then it massively improved and he mostly self settled for naps and sleep. Could teething be causing her any issues? Or just general separation anxiety? I found my son was very clingy to me around 9 months. Also download the wonder weeks app and see if she's currently going through a developmental leap as this can all have an impact on sleep.

I would give it longer before stopping. Can you try and let her play in her cot with her favourite toys for short periods during the day and try and make it a positive environment for her maybe?

Please just stop putting your child and yourself through this. You would only be teaching her learned helplessness.

@ndo4000 I don't think that's a particularly helpful post. My son certainly has no negative effects from it...it's not a cry it out method, you do go to them at intervals and reassure them?

ndo4000 oh perlease - theres always a couple of such comments. Trust me my child was sleep trained and she has no problem calling for me

Thanks for your quick reply! She was always happy in her cot before and I could always pop her there for a moment when I needed to do something. So it’s a new thing since the sleep training. It’s just since started ST that she gets upset when we go into our room.
I don’t think she is teething at the moment and I haven’t noticed separation anxiety, she’s quite happy to go to other people and she’s relaxed when I leave a room. Except the bedroom at bedtime!
I haven’t started nap training because I read somewhere to start with bedtime so I still rock to sleep at Naptime, could that be why? I’m tempted to switch to P.U./PD.

Tbh OP I sleep trained c 6/7 months, never with naps, they definitely became better naturally c. 10months onwards.

Please seek the advice of a properly trained and experienced sleep consultant.

Ah I'm not sure then, sorry. We didn't really do it 'properly' but it worked. Did it for bed and naps together but didn't do it if he woke overnight...the result was he would self settle for all naps and bedtime, but kept waking overnight and I would cuddle him back to sleep. He only started sleeping right through happily without changing anything at just before a year old when he dropped his 2nd nap completely.

I would give it at least a week to 10 days personally and if it's not improving at all then give it a rest for a couple of weeks and try PU/PD or gradual retreat. Doesn't work for all babies unfortunately!

@Bingaling30 I replied above

@Bingaling30 OK thank you. Did you notice that your LO was off at all during the process too? I will try and make it to at least one week!

Honestly I wouldn't. We got a sleep consultant, her main advice was about starting with the daily routine first, not the part where you put them down. Only when you've got the daily routine right, mealtimes, playtime, outside time, do you look at sleep.

I think the fact your baby already has a negative association with her cot from this is a sign to stop instantly. I really do know how hard it is, had a non-sleeping baby who only really got better at a year, and I know you can't go on how things are but this doesn't seem to be working. I think Ferber is unnecessarily harsh, but then in our case it was pretty clear that there was a digestive issue we could never fully get a handle on: one her stomach muscles reached a certain level she just started sleeping much better. I would recommend some reading around positive associations with the cot, and thinking about your day time routine, then trying a different approach at night time. It doesn't sound like what you're doing is working for either of you.

@Katyas19 he had a couple of nights where he clung to me when I put him in his cot but we found prior to this that picking him up and calming him and putting him down again actually made him a lot worse, he would cry even worse. So for us it was important not to pick him up when he was put in his cot. 1st night he cried for over an hour (with me going in every 1, 3, 5, 10 mins and saying "sleepy time" and laying him down again). 2nd night he cried for 20 mins and 3rd night he went to sleep within 10 mins. 4th night he didn't cry. During the next couple of weeks he mostly went down ok but there was the odd night he fought it and we had to repeat the routine. Now at 15 months I just put him in his cot, say sleepy time and put his white noise on and he chats to his teddies for a few mins and just drifts off happily!

Op, trust your gut and if it feels wrong, then it probably is. She might be having a growth spurt or developmental leap. I recall 9/10 months being a shit time for sleep. Probably not want you want to hear and I feel for you, sleep deprivation can be deranging. Can you and your partner take it in turns, so at least one of you gets a good night's sleep?

@starsinthegutter
My partner does try and help on the weekends but it usually ends up with me having to settle buba as she won’t settle for dad. He doesn’t really get to see her in the week due to work so she is used to me now.

@Bingaling30 I never pick her up either, I just reposition her in the cot and sooth with hands and lullaby. I’ll see how today goes and decide! It was another hour of her crying last night at 3am, however I do remind myself that she cried as much when I’m holding her sometimes!! This is another thing, when I did try to rock her she would try and push away from me and kick me to the point of bruises on my arm. That was another reason I started the sleep training, I thought maybe she needed the space to settle herself.

@worriedmama can I ask some questions about your sleep issues? I think we have something similar with DD - she has terrible wind and has done since the beginning. She gets colief in her milk and is supposed to be weaned off at three months but she's seven months now and we still use it - she gains well etc so the doctors aren't concerned and don't want to take any action. Hoping that weaning and her digestive system maturing will help.
What did you find worked well with a daytime routine? I'm still going with DD flow as it were so we don't have set times for anything - did you find a strict daytime routine made a big difference?
She isn't a bad sleeper but she falls asleep being cuddled mostly and I will then put her in cot / she wakes up about five nights out of seven and ends up in bed with me because I'm too tired to keep putting her back down. I think she wants to sleep on her tummy and although she can roll hasn't yet gotten the idea of rolling herself over and I'm reluctant to put her down on her tummy as it's against guidelines.

Our DD always ends up crying a lot more if we go in repeatedly - I know this works for some babies but it hands down makes it worse for us. Ours has also always been a good sleeper but goes through periods of crying at bed times, absolutely no idea why it starts but usually resolves within a few days. She actually yelled "mummy's going to come back" at me when I left the other night, but then was asleep about 30 seconds after I shut the door! She fussed when I left the room at bed time a couple weeks ago and I went in and out a few times, result was her crying on and off for almost two hours. Did this for a couple nights, third night did not go in at all after leaving her and she was asleep within 5 minutes. I think you need to do what works for your kiddo not what anyone else tells you to, and that might be not going in at all once they have been put in their cot. Or they might need repeated settling. I do think it's worth giving one strategy a good go for 1-2 weeks though before switching.