Rapid Return for 2.4 yr old - am I evil personified?

[mcnoodle]

DS has, until recently, been pretty good at bedtime, but was starting to faff about (more books, drinks, cuddles). Then a couple of weeks ago he climbed out of cot in his sleeping bag, and after a couple of nights of him getting progressively more stressed and falling out, we moved him into a bed. He decided he wanted pyjamas and duvet rather than sleeping bag, which is fine (no, honestly, I'm not remotely upset about the transition away from his baby things ). He gets into bed happily, has three stories and a kiss, then I leave. Then he screams...for long enough to make me want to run to the pub and drink a bottle of vodka with a straw.

So, DH and I agreed to do rapid return. Last night was first, and it was hard (about 20 times out of bed until he fell asleep on the chair in his room) but it worked. But then I got paranoid - am I being really cruel? I really need him to have a 'good' bedtime (am working and need time in evenings) but am worried that he is too young for this. DH not helping by being very soft and hovering around wanting to go in and cuddle him to sleep - I need to reassure him that we are doing the right thing.

Have looked in archive but could find anything specific.

Would appreciate the MN view.

What do you mean by rapid return?

I put him in bed and leave. He climbs out. When he opens the bedroom door I pick him up, say "It's bedtime, night-night" and put him back in bed. The next time he comes out I do the same excpet just say "night night". For the subsequent however many times I just pick him up and put him in bed. I don't speak to him or turn the light on, just straight to bed (with a reassuriing squeeze).

That's it. Ad infinitum, until he gives up.

I think you're doing exactly the right thing - no shouting, no interaction beyond a quick cuddle. He will stop climbing out of bed when he realises there's no point and all will be well

We did it with DD when she was a bit younger and had just transferred to a big bed as well. It was HELL for about 3 nights (took 2 1/2 hours on the first night ) but within a week it was fine. We were back to the usual bed-time routine and her settling beautifully, as she had before.
She has always loved her bed and bedtime and DH and I were really worried that we were going to screw this up but we didn't. She just knew what the boundaries were again.

Tell your DH to hold tight (we took it in turns, swopping every 30 mins in those first days and had a glass of wine waiting for when she fell asleep!) because if he cracks DS will try even harder the next time.

Fully expect to be doing the same again with our DS in a few months time when we switch from the cot!

We found when ours went through that stage that they are really only doing it cos they know it gets a reaction. Sounds like you are doing the right thing in not fussing over him. Be cruel to be kind - a few weeks of pain is better than a lifetime of upset sleep and silly things like kids not sleeping properly or demanding things like being in your bed.

My youngest passed this stage OK - then started the wailiing in the night when she was uncomfortable - things like losing bottle, covers, et.. After few couple of times of showing her what to do with minimum fuss - we left her to her crying. When she finally got the message that no-one was coming to sort her out, she learnt to do it herself and has slept soundly throughout the night for the past nine months without waking us at all.

If you put yourself in their shoes - if you were uncomfortable for some reason and you could just lie there, wail and someone would come in and sort it for you - wouldn't you do it as well?

TOO DAMN RIGHT!

(Hmmmmm..........I might try it tonight actually and see if the missus obliges....... )

we went through this too and did the same rapid return thing (it didn't help that we have twins so they had each other to egg on!)....and it went beautifully.....then we gave up bedtime bottles and it hiccuped again, back to rapid return, was fine, but now we are playing up again!

We have decided to completely ignore (they are 2.9yo), as we know which cry means what....usually they are not crying just playing and making a lot of noise....and we have found that dh is the best at settling, basically cos he doesn't take any nonsense (when you go in they both insist they need a wee, spend 10 mins on potty insisting they are going, then say they want to use the toilet instead....blah blah). We know they CAN go to sleep with no issues, so we have decided that not giving in is the best way to go back to how they used to be - will let you know if that theory proves to be right!

Thanks all for your replies. Sorry I disappeared - was whisked out to a meeting I had forgotten about because I was thinking about DS sleep rather than work.

Last night was fairly grim, with ds in a bad mood (tired) after nursery. In the end I left him and DH to get on with it. DH put him back to bed 25+times, then gave in to a cuddle. After which ds climbed into bed and went to sleep.

Gaaagghhhhhhh - I NEED Dh to be strong, but he is a bit wimpy at this kind of thing. Will do it together tonight (with me hissing at him in the corridor "don't you DARE go in"). All your comments gives me some strength to see it through.

You're doing all the right things, if it's any consolation my dh was like yours. I told him that if he was going to do that, he exclusively, could sort it out (I'm def. an evil bitch). To his credit he did it for 3 weeks on his own before he finally realised that I was right! (I love 'those' moments). And then he started just to put her back down without any talk, long cuddles or fuss. Took about a week but, so worth it in the end.

Yes, well I did say to him last night that if he wanted to cuddle him to sleep, he would be in charge of bedtimes for the next 10 years. It's hard, but I have the steely determination to see it through and I do the bulk of the childcare so I LIKE it when ds goes to sleep, wheras I think DH feels that he misses out on things (he commutes) so doesn't mind all the bedtime faffing.

We will try again tonight - but I shall prevail (mwa ha ha haaaaaa).

Mcnoodle, think we are cut from the same cloth then, all my friends thought I was evil to leave him to sort it out

I think you're doing the right thing too.

Good god no - we are not evil. 'Tis character building for them, and means we get to be all magnanimous and secretly smug when they come round to the 'proper' way of doing things.