Help with sleep for 3 1/2 month old

[gbee99]

Hi,

I'm hoping to get some advice on what to do about my 3 1/2 month olds sleep. It's a bit of a mixed bag.

Up until now daytime naps have been a challenge. To get her to sleep in the day I've had to rock her but she wakes after 30 mins after being asleep in her carrycot. However if I put her in a baby carrier she sleeps a lot longer. Between the two I just about manage to total just over 3 hours in the day, but having her in the carrier is becoming difficult as she's getting heavy. I look out for sleepy cues but generally I struggle to get her to sleep any earlier than an hour and forty-five mins after waking. She gets grumpy at the end of the day though so I don't think she's getting enough sleep in the day.

At night she can sleep longer. I had some good nights recently where she slept for 3 hour blocks. However, last night I started the process of transitioning her from her carrycot, where she's been sleeping up until now in our bedroom, to a cot in her own room (where I'm now sleeping too) - she's getting too big for the carrycot. Initially she only slept for 30 mins at a time and kept waking up crying, so I put the carrycot within the cot and by morning we got a 3 hour stretch. However, today for daytime naps I've been trying to get her to sleep in the cot (just by itself), to help her get used to it. This was ok for the first nap, but at the end of the day she just kept waking up crying every time I put her down - I am finding it a bit awkward to lift her in tbh - so instead ended up napping on my lap as I wanted to make sure she gets enough sleep! I don't mind her sleeping on me sometimes, but not all of the time, especially as she may go to nursery in a couple of months when I go back to work, so I'd like to get into good habits.

I could really do with some advice about both the cot transition and daytime naps. For the cot transition I'm thinking of having her sleep in the carrycot within the cot for a few more nights then try her on her own again. I think until she's happier with being in cot it's not worth trying to tackle longer daytime naps? Especially as we might hit the 4 month regression soon which could derail everything anyway? Any thoughts would be really welcome though.

Most babies of this age are fussy at the end of the day. It's known as "the witching hour" for that reason. Breastfeed babies often clusterfeed through this.

Making your cot a sidecar cot should help baby get used to it. See image, this just means removing one side off a standard cot. You need to stay in the same room as baby for all sleeps (night/evening/daytime) until 6 months old, in order to lower SIDS risk.

Daytime naps you would be better focusing on linking sleep cycles at this age. This needs a resettling technique (it's why you get longer naps when she's in your arms, because you can respond and resettle through gentle movement). But sleeping in your arms/sling can end up being a difficult sleep association to break. Better to establish daytime naps in something that moves, like a bouncer or pram, to allow for resettling to lengthen naps, but in an indepenent way.

Honestly I would say she is too little to be separated from you like this

When baby is born they go into the 4th trimester. They like to be against you. This is their safe place and where they feel comfortable.

Both of my children would nap on me for the first 6 months. Either sat on the sofa or in the carrier. On occasions they would sleep in the bouncy chair but not for long so I would only do this if I had to.

When they got past 6 months they would sleep in the pushchair if out walking but at home still on me. Eventually it got to the point I could put them down on the sofa and they would stay asleep.

At night they were in the cot next to me until they were 6 months old. This was a small cot like one of those next to me cots so it didn't feel so big for them. At 6 months they slept in the big cot but I would always put a sheet over them tucked in the sides for security. Both were rolling by 6 months so I felt confident they could move position.

My 7 month old wakes in the night for a feed but goes back to sleep. I always keep the room dark with a small night light and if they are very unsettled would co sleep.

Yes I have had plenty of troublesome nights especially between a year and 18 months with my first but from about 2 she goes to bed and sleeps through with no trouble and up until naps stopped would go.to sleep on her own.

Please do not see this time as baby being difficult they just want you. Treasure it cause it doesnt last long in comparison to their lifetime.

Babies will always go to their caregiver for comfort. My 3 year old still puts her hand down my top for comfort when unsettled.

If you need to get stuff done settle baby and then hand over to someone else who can come over for a bit. Otherwise just settle on the sofa and watch TV for a few hours.

Good luck OP. These first years are tricky but trust your babies needs, they cant manipulate you.

Second the sidecar cot recommendation. I wouldn't worry about nursery naps, they practice sleep witchcraft at nursery. And DD slept on me or in the sling with DP (and still does sometimes if we're out or she's frantic with teeth/the heatwave/whatever) until she was one, now naps fine in the cot and at nursery.

At 3.5 months though she was a grumpy bellend in the evenings too, and I was obsessed with clock-watching and preventing overtiredness. I wish I'd relaxed a bit more and realised some babies are just gremlins in the evening and there's not much you can do except hold, feed, wear headphones while rocking them.

Don't rush to make her sleep independently. You've got many sleep regressions and changes ahead!

I had a massive panic about this with my DD, I was overwhelmingly told to not worry about routines until I need to. She'll go through a sleep regression and it will all be lost anyway. So that's what I did, she now naps on me when I can, other times I put her in a next 2 me cot. I haven't even managed to get her in her own room yet and she's nearly seven months, and I'm not stressing as long as we are all sleeping and happy! I have started putting her in the cot for naps now and again, we'll get there. Don't rush and don't worry about nursery, any good one will follow your routine!

Yeah dont worry about nursery.... my toddler comes home having eaten the most random stuff and gone to sleep with no issues... comes home and is completely the opposite. The workers often say.. does she do that at home and I am like... nope!

Honestly nursery pumps some special chemical into the air to make children do what they need them to.

Look up 4th trimester. Its really interesting.

Also there is an app called wonder weeks which tells you about leaps in development and when roughly what to expect. I found it very useful to explain why my children do what they do..

I also swear the full moon plays some weird part in behaviour changes

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences, it's really helpful.

Good to know about nursery, that does make me feel more relaxed about it. And also good to know that she might just be a grumpy baby in the evening no matter what I do! I want to enjoy this time with her and I do worry that I could be doing better by her, so that's made me a bit more relaxed too.

She seemed a little more relaxed last night so I think at this point I'd still like to try to see if she'll take to her own space in her own room, but only as long as she is happy with it.

I'll also try a bouncer or pram as an extra alternative in the daytime (although currently she usually cries when I take her out in the pram!)

Thanks again for all of your comments, it's been a great support. Lockdown restrictions have made things a bit tricky at times.

Dont try to doubt yourself.

Remember every child Is different and we have all gone through the trial an error thing.

Several times in have put both my babies in the cot screaming and sat on my bed wondering what to do.

I always go through the reset function, change nappy, try a feed, wind, cuddle to sleep. If none of those things work there may be something else, teeth, reflux etc.

Other tricks I use is a warm bath and massaging the tummy. There are also lots of different holds not all babies like them but worth a try.

From early on I did a bed time routine, bath, night clothes, sleeping bag and milk. Although my girls didn't get left in their cot until they were 6 months, up until then I would take them back downstairs to sleep on me until I went to bed at 9/10. From 6 months my girls went into the cot at 7 and would sleep (mostly)

If something doesn't seem to work try tweaking what you are doing.

It's hard when baby is screaming at you but some babies just like their voices to be heard.