Toddler refuses to go to bed.

[Crackerofdoom]

I know this is not an original problem but I am running out of ideas. DC3 is 30 months and fights going to bed as if her life depends on it.

Things were ok until December when she was able to climb out of her cot so we had to move her to a bed and now it is Hell every single night. The first night she climbed out of the cot, she came downstairs and let herself out of the front door because she saw me from the window out there talking to a neighbour. We live on a busy street and I was lucky to see her and grab her.

She has a proper bedtime routine and is quite happy until it is time to turn down the light and go to sleep.

Here is a list of what we have tried:
Sitting with her until she falls asleep and have been there for over 2 hours whilst she messes around and plays. This time didn't get any shorter even though we did it for about 2 weeks and if we left before she was fully asleep, we would have an hour of crying and screaming.

White noise, relaxing music

Sitting in the room but ignoring her

Sitting outside the room (she can open the door but there is a stairgate to keep her in her room which we put up after the front door problem as she wakes early and we live in a rented house with patio doors we can't put a bolt onto)

Letting her share with her sibling but she just hits her sister if she is not sleepy and not willing to play with her.

Cutting out naptimes

Putting her to bed later

Every evening she screams and cries when we leave her and will scream for over an hour but if we stay with her, she just plays and messes about.

Each time we try something different, we stick with it for a couple of weeks to see if it makes a difference so it is not a constantly changing routine.

It just doesn't seem to be getting any better. Our other DCs struggle to get to sleep with the noise but because her process goes on for so long, we can't do anything about it. We haven't been out together since it started because we can't leave a babysitter to put her to bed and by the time she is settled it is nearly my bedtime.

I like to parent gently but short of moving into her bedroom and going to bed with her every night, I am not sure what I can do. Any ideas gratefully received.

you might find having a read of this helpful
www.ahaparenting.com/Ages-stages/toddlers/helping-your-toddler-learn-to-put-himself-to-sleep
You could also have a read of this, which takes a different approach
www.fatherly.com/parenting/kids-determine-sleep-schedule-peaceful-bedtime-routine/

if we stay with her, she just plays and messes about

This is a behaviour issue, not a sleep issue directly. The answer is - stop letting her play and mess around.

Set her some rules, some behaviour boundaries. Explain them extensively and repetitively during the daytime (away from the stress of bedtime). Make your rules very simple and clear. I would suggest:

At sleeptime you lie quietly and still on your bed.

There is no expectation in that she must sleep (you physically cannot force that), but what you can and should expect is that she:
(a) lies on her bed - does not sit up or get up
(b) is quiet - no talking, noise or making any sound
(c) is still - no thrashing around.

Just like any other behaviour issues, your toddler needs really clear rules, needs to realise that these are firm and not negotiable, needs thmn to be adhered to in a very predictable way and then she'll feel generally more settled with the security of those boundaries.