How would you do this? Night weaning/co sleeping/feed to sleep mess. Just take a hard line?

[gracepoolesrum]

I feel like I've really made a rod for my own back on this one, looking for tips to make this less brutal if possible.

I have a 14mo who has always breastfed to sleep - naps, nighttime, the lot. She's good with solids and the only times I'm now bf are once in the day to get her to nap and at bedtime & once or twice in the night. We have always co slept too, she only sleeps in her cot for naps.

I now have to wean because we want to try for a second and we'll need IVF (she is an IVF baby) - I have to be 3 months post weaning before my clinic will treat me. I'll be 37.5 by the time she's 18mo so I don't want to risk leaving it any longer.

I was hoping she'd naturally grow out of feeding to sleep in time but no such luck unfortunately.

So do you think I need to stop co sleeping and breastfeeding at the same time? Has anyone been able to continue co sleeping but stop feeding or will this just be impossible?

We've tried twice to get her to sleep in her own room - once at 8mo and again at 11mo. We caved in pretty quickly at 8mo but we really gave it a go at 11mo, she literally cried from bedtime until 4am 3 nights running and we just couldn't face a 4th night of it. Basically I'd feed her to sleep, put her down and she'd start howling immediately and nothing would calm her.

I'm quite an attachment sort of parent and , do I just have to bite the bullet? Basically WWYD?

I've recently stopped co-sleeping and then weaned DS at 20 months, we had made previous attempts over many months but like you it was hellish and we gave in pretty easily,

I started by feeding until nearly asleep and putting him down, if he woke i was able to rock/sing to calm to drowsy and place him back, took few attempts but only a couple nights, when he woke in the night i offered water, he was grumpy but again after few nights he adjusted, and i left sippy cup in his cot. He will now sleep through 90%!

After about a week i was down to a quick feed before going in cot fairly awake and settling, then after further week i managed to distract with a book instead when he asked and he soon forgot and now completly weaned

I do believe he was just ready though so sorry if not much help, i was/am too much of a push over to let him get really grumpy so was a more gradual approach

Good luck

Thank you for your reply@Strawberry0909 , I feel like I've ended up having to wean at a really bad age with her being too young to really understand but old enough to know she's being refused what she wants! I'll try your method.

It was also useful to slowly reduce the amount of time he was feeding if he insisted!

I continued to cosleep for a little while after I nightweaned DD. She was older than yours, so I dint know if this would work well with yours.... we started by reading stories together about nightweaning and by doing something similar to strawberry - nurse her to drowsy, then tell her calmly that she was a big girl and I’d hold her until she went to sleep. I’d rock her and sing to her until she was asleep - the first week I held her till she had been out for 10mins and was SOLIDLY off. Each day I moved the feed slightly earlier so that she was less drowsy when I moved to singing/rocking. The next week I rocked her and sang, but put her down when she was only just asleep, and carried on singing. You get the picture.

Will she nap with a different way of settling? E.g. in the pram, car seat etc? I know this is just replacing one association with another, but if you want to wean in a hurry I think it might be the fastest way of going about it. Then you can work on the other association in your own time in a more relaxed way (or not bother if it’s something you’re happy with).

I feel like if you’re cutting out nap feeds and bedtime feeds and want to do it on a fairly tight timescale, maybe carry on cosleeping for a while? To avoid withdrawing too much comfort at once if it’s avoidable.

P.s. I was the absolute opposite of a hard line on this. It’s going to be easier on you if your child isn’t distressed, so I wouldn’t push the pace too hard unless you absolutely have to.

I’d recommend ‘the baby sleep solution’ by Lucy Wolfe. Lots for different ages and based on the gradual withdrawal sleep training method. I’m very attachment parent stylee and would never have considered it with my first, but with the second it was more imperative that we helped her to fit in with family life, and we couldn’t be totally child led. This woman’s approach imo is very respectful of the child and helps you with a method to establish the rules you want to establish. All depends how you want to do it, i night weaned first dc and continued to cosleep, but night weaned and own room at same time with second dc. I believe the latter is the best route to good sleep, but also depends on the child and what you feel comfy with.

I am currently going through this was my daughter. She’s 17 months old and I’m 11 weeks pregnant.
I started night weaning a month or so ago. I had tried previously which ended awfully but think she was more ready this time. Also tried controllers crying but that wasn’t for us.
During the night if she woke up wanting a feed I would have a time set that if it was before then she could have it, if it was after then she couldn’t. For example if I’d said 3am and she woke at 2am then she could have it. Gradually over a week or so I moved the time forward until I cut it completely. When she wakes I shh and put my hand in her cot and then seems to help her settle. Or she comes into my bed and goes back to sleep after a cuddle.

I am now weaning her from feeding to sleep. I started off saying she could have 30 mins of milk then into bed for story and back tickles (which she loves). This week she’s having 20 mins, next week 10 and then none.
She’s actually fallen asleep in her cot every night since then which she had never done before! I still have to sit in the room til she falls asleep but working on that. And not consistently sleeping through but hoping that’ll change too!!
Hope you find an approach that works for you both!

I night weaned but didn't stop cosleeping as for us, taking all comfort away seemed like too much.

But we were cosleeping on a single mattress from that age (and I could then roll away in the evening and go and have some time to myself/ in own bed)

NIght weaning was later for us- he'd stopped feeding in the day anyway and we did a lot of preparation before night feeds stopped and even then it was playing it by ear