Should this be a battle of wills?

[Sweetnessandfight]

DD is 11 months. She naps well (45 minutes around 9.30am and up to 2 hours anytime between 1 and 4pm. She is able to settle herself really well for naps and usually at nighttime. For a few weeks now she's been getting very upset at bedtime, however. We've got her out of the cot to soothe her quite a bit but usually manage to get her back in. For three nights now though she simply won't go back in and also cries very hard if you don't get her out in the first place. Once out she is all smiles, pointing at things and trying to launch herself around. Tonight I decided that she was perfectly fine, just wanting to play and not settle down, so I didn't pick her up but sat besides the cot, soothed her as much as I could and tried to show her that she needs to lie down. I now feel awful as for 45 minutes she cried hysterically, but I decided that I couldn't give in, because that would be undoing it all. After 45 minutes I was in tears myself and got her out. Within 5 minutes she fell asleep in my arms.

She has always been a great sleeper. I know that lots of developmental changes could be having an impact right now, but how should we actually handle bedtimes at the moment? What would you do in practical terms?

Aww there's no need to keep her crying until it makes you cry.

If it's come on all of a sudden it's probably just a little blip and will soon pass. Maybe some teeth will cut, or she's suffering with the heat, or has ear ache.

Some things for good sleep hygiene though:

If she can go from standing to sitting to lying on her own, completely stop doing this for her. So every time you put her in the cot put her in standing up, tap the mattress and ask her to lie down. Its much better if she gets used to taking the responsibility to lie in bed herself.

Similarly if she has a comforter or dummy, throw these in the cot rather than giving them to her. Encourage her to get them and snuggle them herself, without help.

In terms of the crying, I usually like to have a ladder of steps I go up and down to settle baby. For example I'd start with hand on chest and bending so face is close to baby's. If still upset, if start patting with my hand. Maybe holding legs or arms still with otger hand, if they are the washing around. Shushing or humming, whatever you usually do for settling.

After giving that about 5-10 minutes of effort, if it's not working I'd lift baby for a cuddle. But cuddle as soon as no longer crying and calm, put back down and back into in-cot settling. It might take many times of lifting to settle then putting back down, but important that in the end baby goes to sleep in the cot, not in your arms.

Thank you! She's pretty good at self-settling usually and will find her comforter and flop down alone. For some reason she's not keen at the moment though. Nap times are fine still. I think we will go for pick-up put-down rather than letting her cry for too long, can't hack it and doesn't seem fair. Thanks again.