How/when did you get your toddler to fall asleep in their room by themselves?

[farmertom]

I have a 2.5 year old and am really wanting him to fall asleep by himself as I'm getting sick of sitting in with him.
From when he was in his own room one of us sits in with him and sings/or just sits silently until he falls asleep (after bedtime routine).
How do you make the transition?

If he falls asleep well in that process, I'd think the "disappearing chair," or whatever it's called, would make sense. Keep sitting with him, just slowly move yourself further and further away until you're out of the room.

We did the 'just popping to get a new book / drink / extra pillow' and waited longer each time until they fell asleep on their own. Worked in about three nights. Now I can say goodnight and walk out leaving them wide awake. I knew it was crucial to do this whilst they were still in a cot and not able to walk out of their single bed

My DS is nearly three and I've been sitting with him until he falls asleep since he went into a big bed a few months ago. He's just fine his fourth night falling asleep on his own. He was taking forever to fall asleep one night and I got fed up and said I'd be in my bedroom making the bed and that he needed to go to sleep. Lo and behold, he actually did it!

Any time I'd tried to leave him before he'd get upset or wouldn't stay in bed, but the last four night I've just read his stories, said goodnight and that's that. I think he just needed to do it in his own time, maybe try leaving your DC every so often and see what happens?

We only cracked this at the beginning of lockdown (thank god!)

We just gave her lots and lots of advance notice that her routine was about to change. For about a week before, a couple of times a day but especially in the couple of hours before bedtime, we would talk really excitedly about how she was going to be a really big girl going to sleep by herself.

First night we actually tried, she was out like a light. 3.5 years in case it helps.

My son is just over 2. Before daytime naps and nighttime sleep we give him plenty of notice that it is now Sleep Time so he knows what is expected. We read him a book, give him a kiss and then leave the room. Sometimes he will call out to ask for a favourite toy. We put it in his bed, he plays with it for a bit, and then he falls asleep on his own. We thought it would never happen with him as he was still taking ages to go to sleep and waking up several times in the night until he was well past 1 but having a clear routine works really well with him now.

My baby daughter is completely different in that she required no training whatsoever and can put herself to sleep without any help. I hope it lasts!

We just stayed in our room next door when we transferred her to her own room at six months - so whereas previously we'd stayed next to her crib whilst she went to sleep we then stayed (took it in turns) to lie on our bed after her bedtime story. She'd get ten mins to look at a book, babble, play (depending on age!) before lights out. We always went in if she was upset but it didn't happen often. We always explained where we were going and tended to leave her room saying 'I'm just going to make a drink', went down stairs to make it, then took it to our room to drink. That meant she always knew we were coming back up again.

Why don't you follow a plan like gradual withdrawal?

Week-on-week make tiny changes to withdraw a tiny bit further than last week, when DC is calm.

If you've always sat in the same place, doing the same thing, then that will always be expected. There's Einstein quote - "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

Gradual retreat/just popping to the toilet/to fetch a drink...
Or if more resistant, audiobook or CBeebies radio on Guided Access lock.

At that age, I read books to my DD about children sleeping alone. We talked about the change before I made the change, I think that made it easier for her. When I first started leaving her awake, I told her I was going to bed in my room and I made sure I went there, and I came back if she asked for me/a drink/a wee (we had them all in the early weeks!). I wanted her to know that I was nearby and would come if she needed me. If she wanted a cuddle, I gave her a cuddle and a kiss and told her it was time for sleep now. The requests and deliberate delays tailed off in a couple of weeks. We had a few recurrences later when she was worried about something, but by then I could just say “you don’t need a drink right now, it’s time to go to sleep” and just walk out again (calm, not upset).