Feeling like sucham a failure

[Elliedh]

I don't even know why I'm posting this as there's no help to be had. My 3 month old is adorable, wonderful, but just won't sleep. Daytime naps are basically impossible, he never naps for longer than 30 minutes, and it takes at least 45 minutes to get him to sleep. Consequently he is always overtired nights used to be sort of OK, he coukd sleep for sometimes 4 hours at a stretch, but now he's back to waking every hour. During the day I don't know how to keep him entertained, and he screams if put down, hates the carrier, hates the bouncy chair, hates the playmat. He doesn't sleep in the pram or the car. Ive spoken to a sleep consultant but just just feel I have no energy left to go through with what they suggest. Every day I wake up and wonder how I'm going to get through. I feel like such a failure as a mother.

Just needed to vent. I feel like i have no life left.

Should also add that he's formula fed (another of my failures) and doesn't get sleepy at feeds.

OP you are not a failure. It's bloody hard. I hear you.

Ok so this sounds very like Dd. Who is now 20 months ish and has slept well since I sleep trained her at 15 months. That's not for everyone and yours is far to small but I can tell you more about how I got to that if you wish.

Dd I now realise is what is termed a high needs baby. If you look that up you will find common ground, won't be put down, cries in everything, won't sleep.

Have you tried

Dummy. This did help with Dd once I got her to take it.

Co sleeping, again tough but she woke less. Still woke but less.

Cranial osteopath, this also did help. Got us from hourly to maybe four hourly.

She can still be tricky, but ultimately sleeps much better now.

A sling, again that was a life safer. I never took to the wrap ones but once she was big enough I managed well with ergo baby one. Used it until very recently.

Do you have a partner or someone to help. Dh and I had to enter this ridiculous state where he came in from work and I went to bed, I then got maybe three hours solid before facing night time. It was the only way I survived.

Hand hold, it does get better.

Elliedh

Do you own something you could use to swaddled? A sheet you can cut up? Or a large muslin? Even a cut open cotton t-shirt would do.

And a dummy. If you don't have a dummy, pop to the shops and get one.

What did the sleep consultant suggest?

Thank you everyone.

He is swaddled for all sleeps, in fact we will need to transition out of this soon as he is trying to roll over. I did try co sleeping but he hated it, strained to get away from me.

The sleep consultant essentially suggested controlled crying with some pointless shushing and patting from me, which as far as I can see will do mothing to soothe him, all its there for is to stop the parent from feeling guilty.

@Elliedh - Unless baby is sucking when going to sleep, he will be crying.

So either feed to sleep, or use a dummy. Or accept that there will be crying but that you'll try and help calm and soith your baby through it (which is what the sleep consultant suggested)

You said baby doesn't feed to sleep.

So dummy - have you got one? What happens when you try to use it?

You're not a failure at all and no sleep consultant should even think about sleep training a three month old!

He's going through a lot of growth and changes. Google the fourth trimester and download the wonder weeks app x

You are absolutely not a failure! It’s so hard when your baby won’t sleep and exhaustion is messing with your head 💐

Have you tried the huckleberry app? I’m only 5 days in but it is making such a difference. I felt like I was spending all my time getting an overtired baby to nap and it’s no fun at all. Sometimes it gets it completely spot on and feels like magic 😊

I've never heard of Huckelberry, ill have a look!

I do use a dummy when I can, but mostly he wants his hands in his mouth and pushes it out. Today has been terrible for naps, i feel awful for my poor tired boy.

Sucking is a natural, normal reflex that helps babies sooth and calm to sleep (without crying). This is what the dummy taps into. Feeding to sleep does the same, but has difficult to break long term sleep associations, so the dummy is better IMO.

The problem with hand/finger sucking is that it doesn't give a good seal for baby to suck on, due to the un-uniform shape and the fact baby's hand are constantly growing and changing. This lack of suction seal not only leads to frustration at not being able to suck, it can also result in lots of sucking in air, causing wind, which is a whole other problem. Hand/finger/thumb sucking is definitely something I would actively try to avoid.

Sometimes you might need to hold baby's hands as they are going to sleep. This gives baby reassurance that you are there. But also stills their arms - to stop then thrashing around and knocking dummy out.

Also try to encourage active sucking of the dummy, so dont leave it passively in baby's mouth. To do this use tricks used to get baby to activel reach for the nipple when breastfeeding. Tickly babys cheek or top lip with the dummy teat, this causes a reflex reaction whereby baby reaches with their mouth for the dummy. Also aim the dummy upwards to the roof of the mouth, not backwards. This encourages sucking. Likewise, tapping gently on the outside of the dummy a couple of times encourages the sucking reflex.