4 week old - what am I doing???

[goosious]

Arrrgghhh

Feeling so deflated at the moment, my DD is 4.5 weeks old and just seems constantly overtired and it feels like I'm just spending all my time desperately trying to get her to sleep. This morning she woke at 7 after being in bed with me for a few hours, she had a good feed, started to show sleepy signs so I started trying to settle her, 2.5 hours later she's still awake and incredibly miserable :( I just don't know what I'm doing wrong! Every day seems to be the same no matter the awake times and she'll then only sleep when she's at the point of exhaustion which is heartbreaking and so tiring for me :(

Please tell me it gets better!

Oh dear. Newborns are tough - they don’t recognise their own needs and can get very worked up. It gets better! How are you trying to settle her? She may still need a lot of support to get to sleep at the moment. I remember being so worried about “making a rod for my back” and my DHs grandmother insisting that I should just put DD down and let her scream...... sod it. Any habit that is learned can be unlearned, and children are incredibly flexible while young. Do what you need to for now, there’s tonnes of time to fiddle habits to suit you better later. Right now, cuddle if she wants a cuddle, let her sleep on your shoulder or in a sling or whatever she needs. She’s used to having your heartbeat and smell with her constantly.

The two biggest things that help a baby sleep in the first 3 months are:

• swaddle
• sucking

And the two bit of extra help if the first two don't work are:

• swaying
• shushing

(all the S's - swaddle, suck, sway, shush)

So start off with wrapping baby in a swaddle, this recreates the tight enclosed feeling of being in the womb. Also like being in the womb, it reduces stimulation so also keep loud noises or brightness to a minimum.

Sucking next - this is a natural reflex that helps a newborn feel soothed and calm. So either feed baby to sleep, or if you prefer baby to sleep independently then feed baby until sucking stops, then as you lift baby to wind them on your shoulder, give a dummy so that baby can carry on sucking.

I'd suggest that after you have fed baby, wrap in a swaddle sheet and pop in a dummy , and lift baby to your shoulder to wind whilst upright. Keep rubbing back until a burp comes. Then return baby to cradle hold (in swaddle) and reoffer milk (second breast or what's left of bottle) and feed while in the swaddle. Once baby has finished sucking the milk, replace the sucking with a dummy and again lift baby to your shoulder.

Stay still and just wait for baby to settle. But if needed sway/shush a bit (no need for this if baby is settling anyway). Then bend at the waist over the cot, so that baby stays on your shoulder and you bend with baby as you put baby down. Put on the cot mattress and leave your hand on babys chest for a while, as reassurance. Tap the outside of the dummy a little if baby grimaces or doesn't seem calm, this triggers the sucking reflex.

My baby was a bit like this. On two occasions she actually didn’t sleep the entire day no matter what I did. I had to constantly hold her when she was awake as she would whimper if I didn’t. Getting dressed and feeding myself usually happened at midday as I just didn’t have time. Lol. Thankfully it didn’t do her any harm and I have a supportive partner who took over at night tunes till midnight so I could get some rest. On the upside she began becoming a lot more independent every 2 weeks and I always looked forward to saying - the next 2 weeks I’ll see a small improvement. You probably also have an alert baby or maybe even a high need baby - look it up. Mine was classed as alert by the hv and as such she is hitting her milestones super early such as rolling over, sitting up unaided, blowing raspberries, anticipation and giggling over trumping so it’s not all bad.

Just remember - every 2 weeks things get better!!! Well until you hit the four month sleep regression lol

It gets better! My DD was a nightmare for this. She once went five hours without napping, no matter what I tried, then napped for 20 minutes and that was it for the day! Then slept a seven-hour stretch that night. The last time she did that for 100 years though.

Some of the little buggers are just alert. Have you got a sling? Bundle the baby in the sling and just bounce bounce bounce. In this heat, stick a muslin between you and have the baby in just a nappy.

This phase will end! It will be replaced by something else just as bad, but different – it'll feel like a holiday!

My daughter is the same age as yours and one of the things we find that works is playing a tumbler dryer sound and stroking her hair gently.

The heat may not help and we have been stripping her down and she settles.

Sounds like my little girl at that age. I googled if it was normal and it came back with a thread on MN saying baby would be "chronically overtired" without good naps which made me feel even worse!
She's 6 months now and thankfully does not fight sleep like she did when she was small. Honestly, I've not changed anything in how I try and sooth her, she's just got better!
She hates the swaddle, wouldn't take the dummy, at the time I was reaaaally struggling with breastfeeding so I was reluctant to put her to the breast all the time (looking back now it works have helped but it was too painful for me).
I used to spend all day and night holding /rocking /shushing this little monster. I cried when it took 2 hours to get her to sleep and she woke after 20mins!
All I can say is it does get better, they grow so fast, change so fast, sleep habits are up and down all the time. Mine got better by 8 weeks then downhill then back up again. Don't feel disheartened, you are trying your best and doing a great job.

Thanks everyone, she is definitely an alert baby, as soon as she's awake it's eyes open and what's going on! The sling has been a miracle, even last night when inside was 28 she managed to go to sleep in it and I have the use of my hands to feed myself! (Now just to find some time to shower!!) it does seem to be getting better and I downloaded the wonder weeks app and am wandering if she was going through her five week leap. I also did the googling and just felt so awful when I found an article that said getting a newborn to sleep should be easy, just felt like I was doing everything wrong. Thanks for all the support and I look forward to the next two weeks!