I want ds to settle to sleep quicker but I won't do CIO

[YourHandInMyHand]

We cosleep. DS 18m old sleeps in the middle of our bed (used to be in a next to me crib) and has always been fed/held/rocked/or just laid next to us and nodded off.

He's getting more and more of a pain in the bum at bedtime and its taking over an hour to nod off has become the norm. Often one of us will try for an hour then swap and the other will continue. He just fights it.

He's got a nice routine, naps over or just after lunch, bedtime at 8 (sometimes 7 if he's struggling). Lately it's just getting ridiculous.

DP is trying to work from home during lockdown, I'm struggling with my mental health. It would be nice if our evenings weren't quite so monopolised like this.

Are there any good methods to help with sleep that don't involve cry it out??

DS is actually DS2, but with a 15 year age gap between my kids I've practically forgotten what worked and didn't with DS1. But I'm def more attachment and responding to child than CIO.

Hi OP,

Didn't want to read and run as I know how soul destroying it can be trying to get a baby to sleep when they're refusing to so I really feel your pain

I completely understand not wanting to go down the cry it out method, it's not for everyone and I personally don't like leaving them to cry but I do think there's a balance somewhere. I tend to find small bursts of allowing them to try soothe themselves are beneficial, for example staying in the room and letting them attempt to self soothe for a couple of minutes before offering a hand hold or soothing words to let them know you're there. With my LO's I made an active choice that once they were in bed (and I knew all their needs were met I.e full tummy and clean nappy) they weren't getting out of bed just for a cuddle but I would hold hands, shush and be present so they learnt to settle without rocking or cuddling.

Also, does your LO have a comforter or teddy they can sleep with? Sometimes a small teddy or comforter that they're safe with and smells of you can really help them settle. I have also heard of people tucking a Muslin towel that has their scent on into bed under the baby so they can smell you for comfort.

I think whatever you do there will be an element of perseverance and crying until they learn their new sleep routine which I know can be really hard as a parent to go through. I think whatever you choose to replace your current routine you have to be strong and stick to it for at least two weeks, I know with my LO's some nights were rough and I felt like giving in but we got there in the end.

I really hope you find something that works for you all x

You don't have to do cio but you do need to accept that whatever you do will result in a difficult week or so. We did gradually retreat without realising it had a name and it was bloody hard work but it did work. Whatever you do you have to be consistent and not give in.

We sort of did gradual retreat with both of ours, ds went through a phase at about 8 months of fighting every single sleep, i was sitting there for two hours sometimes, which got to be too much. So we decided I would do the bedtime routine, cuddle him and soothe him until he was relaxed, and pop him into bed, and leave the room. At which point he would usually scream like he was being murdered. I'd give it two minutes, then go back in, settle him down, without picking him up if I could, then back out again and give it five minutes, and then ten. It did take a few weeks and every now and then after that he would have a bad night, but we got there in the end and now at 2 yrs 4 months hes usually good as gold at going to bed.

With dd, the thing that massively improved her sleep was moving her to her own room and a full sized cot. She was in a little rocking crib next to my side of the bed, took an hour or more to get to sleep, and woke 2-3 times a night, but we shifted her into her own room at 6 months, and started putting her down awake intending to do gradual retreat. We did that for two nights, and on the third night she grumbled until the door closed behind me and then promptly rolled over and went to sleep. It was magical. Again she has the odd bad night but she goes to bed much easier and sleeps through the night.

One thing that has really helped me is that we have quite good video monitors with sound recording in both kids rooms, so I can see if they are having a strop/tantrum or if there is genuine distress, which I would need to respond to straight away.

Honestly, I'd just drop the nap. DS got to point it was taking 2-3 hours to get him to sleep at night (I also co-sleep)

We dropped the nap and he's slept within 10 mins ever since. He struggled for about a week without a nap and initially needed to go to bed earlier than he normally would but otherwise it was fine (he was probably about 21 months at the time)

Same as @2020times

Only got better when we dropped the nap