5 year old won't go to bed or sleep alone

[Bluebunny123]

I have a 5 year old who will not go to bed without me there or sleep alone. This has been going on since before lockdown and I'm just after some tips and tricks on what I can do to get her to settle alone and sleep alone. I'm a single parent and it's really getting to me now I feel like I don't get any time to myself.

I've tried the usual things like coming back in a few minutes, giving her teddies/blankets to cuddle, putting lullabies on, just leaving her and ignoring the shouting. I'm knackered and I don't know what else to do. She clearly has anxiety over something and when I ask she just says she's scared but whatever she's scared of changes every time.

Please if anyone has any idea I will be forever grateful!

This is my 5 year old.
Sometimes I will cuddle to sleep. Sometimes I just give up and put in my bed. Sometimes I try and try with light on etc, but usually this just means that lo stays awake until I go up. Sometimes I cuddle on the sofa with them facing me not the TV and occasionally I make a "camp bed" I'm front room.
None of this is ideal, but I have learned that I need to decide what is most important - I have decided that getting sleep is most important. Atm with no school it's easier. But lo will get even more stressed when school restarts.

No magic wand.

@SoloMummy I know there is no magic fix is there that's what's frustrating that I don't know what to do to help. She's exhausted and so am I guess I'll have to keep trying until something works.

What would she be like if you were on a chair just outside of the bedroom, but with the door open?

I think what many children this age are scared of is being upstairs on their own. So reassuring that you are right there and wont leave (until she's asleep) can help.

Do yopu have any other children? If so, I would put them in a bedroom together

Buy a new special soft toy, say it comes from a special place that sends toys to special children to help them sleep. It has magic powers that keep them safe all night. We did when ds was 4 and he still sleeps with it now at 13!

Same here.
I've had a bit of luck with Julia Donaldson audio books (any recommendations for non scary longer books welcome!).
I've also said that she can't have her tablet the next day if she gets up. Sometimes this works. I try to wear her out during the day - bike rides/running etc but she seems to have unlimited energy, or gets a second wind. So, it's hard. Just solidarity really. I get quite low sometimes as I literally do childcare from the moment my eyes open to when they shut. I have no hobbies, don't watch adult telly or do any sort of exercise. They'll be teenagers one day and self sufficient and then will be my time!

Have tried sitting outside but it seems to distrupt her more as she constantly chats and gets up for hugs or for something she absolutely must tell me right that second

No other children unfortunately although she would adore that!

Tonight I have tried the bedtime tokens trick in the hope it would work. It hasn't but I expected that the first night so I'll keep trying!

Following this thread...

Our nearly 5 year old has started this fairly recently, maybe within last 4 months. I think with ours it’s lockdown / change making her anxious or maybe that’s just coincidence.

It got to the point where she was awake until 1am, would only sleep if cuddled up to me in our bed (DH slept in spare room for a while) and would have epic tantrums every night, probably due to extreme over tiredness.

We did a gradual change: her & me sharing my bed, her & me sharing in her room, her & me sleeping in separate beds in her room, her & DH in separate beds in her room,.... it took quite a while.

We’re now stuck in a pattern of me and DH taking it in turns, a night each, to stay with her in her room until she’s asleep (About 9pm) then creeping out. She knows we leave when she’s asleep and generally sleeps through.

Our next step was supposed to be to sit outside on the landing but she starts shouting and kicking the wall, waking her little brother up, so we’ve stopped that for now. So really don’t know what to do next! She says she’s scared but isn’t sure what of.

I would just let her share your bed for as long as she needs to. She obv has some worries about something and if she gets some sleep and so do you thats the main thing.
I had the same issue with one of my 3.
She made her own choice after a few months to go back to her own bed.