Sleep Help. Desperate.

[AbsolutelyCharlotte]

Hi all,

I seriously need help with my 7 month old baby girl, my first child, who seems to hate sleep.

She will nap around 3 to 4 times in the day, these naps last 30 mins each time. I time her naps and can guarantee her eyes open and she's wide awake dead on 30 minutes. She also wakes every 2-3hours at night, bed time around 8pm and she's up by 6am if not before. She used to sleep so well until around 4months when she started to teeth and has been a nightmare ever since. She will scream and scream because she is so tired but will not go to sleep. I try my best to keep her to a routine but her reluctance is making it very difficult. Bathtime before bed is a no no because she gets too excited in the water and is wired for the whole evening after it. I try settling her in a dark room (albeit difficult in the summer light) minimal distractions, bedtime reading, stroking her hair, you name it. All throughout the day she is so grizzly and miserable, I know it is because she isn't getting enough sleep but I just don't know what to do. I'm at my breaking point, I have no support network around me for her to sit with for a while so I can get some space. My OH (her Dad) isn't great when it comes to how difficult she is. He has a very short temper and often shouts at me for her crying or will storm out because he can't take it anymore. Which makes it even harder for me because I know I am trying everything I can with her but she is never happy and will not sleep. It's making me so ill, the lack of sleep and anxiety that it's me and I'm the one doing something wrong is actually killing me, I'm walking around like a Mumbie (mum zombie) everyday, I don't enjoy life because I'm so tired and so anxious of her rattiness when we're around people.

To say I'm desperate is an understatement. Does anyone have any tips? Has anyone actually been through the same? Will it ever get better?

Thank you in advance, from a very stressed out and tired mummy.

I don’t have any magic advice but I can remember how bad I had it with my first and third DCs. You have my sympathy. Mine are older now and it does pass - I’ll never forget how hard the lack of sleep was - I was very messed up by the exhaustion.

My (now ex) DH was similar to yours.

I ended up with DC3 co-sleeping next to me and that’s how I got through the exhaustion. If you are truly desperate then try lying down with your DD to see if she will sleep longer /resettle with you next to her.

Look after yourself , it’s so tough but it doesn’t last forever

Your baby sounds pretty normal afraid but it does get better. 4 months is the big sleep regression so it all makes a lot of sense. Is she ff or bf? Do you feed her every time she wakes up?

Your ‘D’H sounds awful and needs to see his GP and get his anger sorted as this is not a good enough environment for your baby or for you.

What's your feeding schedule like?

Oh you poor thing

First of all, this is very common. The four month sleep regression is well-known for being the worst regression. Their sleep changes due to brain development and they can’t link sleep cycles together which is probably why she’s waking up after 30 mins. I personally resorted to holding my baby for naps just to ensure he got at least an hour, if not longer. Hated it though cos I couldn’t get anything done or catch up on sleep myself. I eventually bought Little Ones sleep programme and followed it to the letter. It wasn’t a magic wand but I think it definitely helped him sleep longer. It basically involves white noise, pitch black room and waiting around 6 mins before you go in to settle them (there’s more to it than that but that’s the gist).

I would also book a GP appointment just to rule out possible reflux or something else that may be affecting her. I really think you need to speak to someone about your anxiety too, you could be suffering with post-natal depression and / or anxiety.

What concerned me most about your post though is your partners behaviour. He shouts at you when she cries? Tbh he sounds no support at all and quite frankly, abusive. It may be worth ringing Women’s Aid for some advice.

Hi op, I feel you! I have a 6 month old (first baby) who is a very unpredictable sleeper and has serious fomo sometimes so fights naps and thinks it's great fun to be wide awake for 2 hours in the middle of the night, even though we make it really boring! He was also OK until 4 months.

I often resort to breastfeeding to sleep, a habit I'm trying to break but when I know it will work and I'm exhausted it's too tempting! Will your baby sleep in the pram?? When mine is fighting naps and over tired I bung him in the buggy and we're off! Again, not a great habit but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do! Other things we use to calm him are a light projector (just a cheap one from amazon) and trying different sounds /music... This will sound ridiculous but Andy Williams songs seem to soothe him. Maybe get a blackout blind, again you can get from amazon. When he's being really ratty but won't sleep (in the day) I sometimes 'give up' and try to distract him for a bit, then try again. Nothing too stimulating, maybe a roll around on a big towel having nappy free time? This often cheers my lad up!

Also, I'm so sorry your partner isn't supportive. Does he not help settle her at all?? Sometimes Dad can be a helpful distraction so if he'd pull his finger out that might help.

Please don't feel you're doing things wrong, seriously some babies just don't sleep. My mum says my brother was exactly like my ds so when I call her and tell her 'oh we're up 2am till 4am sushing and singing Moon River again' she just goes 'yes I remember those days'... It's more common than you think! Xxx

Xxx

Baby sleep is evil. Look up 4 month sleep regression. I would do whatever you need to do for longer naps eg carrier, buggy, car, aim for just 2 naps I think at that age - you can Google an age appropriate schedule. I would also say do a much earlier bedtime, baby is probably overtired and gets wired as a result. Ultimately your little one will need to learn to resettle on own between sleep cycles, so try to reduce input at bedtime as a starting point. If things don't improve you may need to look up sleep training, which can mean a whole list of options depending on your ethos and your childs personality. Meanwhile, coffee...

OP my DS is the same at 6 months. I think their sleep cycles are typically about 30 minutes long, and some babies struggle to link their sleep cycles, especially during the day.
Things I've found helpful are:
Going to bed when he does. Luckily lockdown means no social obligations so I don't feel like I'm missing out on much by going to bed at 8pm most nights.
Bedsharing (if you breastfeed). I still wake up each time he wakes, but I just stick a boob in his mouth and we both go back to sleep almost immediately.
Joining some supportive online groups. If you're on Facebook try 'Desperately Seeking Sleep', 'Biologically Normal Infant Sleep', and 'The Beyond Sleep Training Project'. It made all the difference to my mental health to know that other parents were going through the same as me, that it wasn't my fault, that my baby wasn't 'broken', and that it wouldn't last forever.

Regarding your DD's short naps, this in itself isn't necessarily something to worry about: www.bellybelly.com.au/baby-sleep/catnapping-answer-to-better-baby-sleep/

The Possums Clinic based out of Australia has done a lot of research into normal infant sleep and might have some info that's helpful. They have a video available for about £30 that I haven't bought but I hear other people raving about it. possumsonline.com

It's really tough, isn't it? And feels interminable. Harder when your partner isn't supportive.

for you

Sorry but I feel like I could have written your post ! I have 0 advice so I'm here incase anyone does.
But my baby is now 11 months old nd it has NOT got any better. I'm lucky in the sense I have my mum who helps me and takes him the odd night so I can sleep, but I fear that this disturbs his routine for the next night in which he's back at home. I can't win, I even spent £50 on a sleep app that I tried for 5 weeks which didn't work in the slightest. Hope it changes for you soon.
Another mumbie x

Handhold. 14 month old here who's the same I'm utterly fed up and its really getting me down. Sick of been screamed at. Cosleeping doesn't work here either!

Going through a sleep regression at 2 years old, it's relentless. If you haven't already, download the wonder weeks app. It gives you a breakdown of when dodgy patches happen due to development leaps.

Chances are she'll go back to being a good sleeper, just have to give her time ❤️