Help getting overtired baby to sleep please!

[Mahonia]

DD is 20 weeks. Feeds to sleep.
Really struggled to get her to sleep yesterday for her naps, she just wouldn't settle. She had a clean nappy, temperature seemed OK, darkish room - all the same as usual. She became more and more tired and so more and more frantic and it took me 3.5 hours to finally get her to sleep for her are afternoon nap.

Tried feeding her, cuddling her, rocking her, bouncing her, walking around with her, lying her in the cot with white noise. She has never taken a dummy, I try it with her regularly in the hope that she might, but she always sucks for around 10 seconds then spits it out.

She slept terribly last night and is now already overtired and despite my best efforts she just will not go to sleep.

How do I get an overtired baby to sleep? HELP please!

Thank you.

Taking mine out for a walk was the only way sometimes to help reset their naps. They didn’t really nap in their cots at home without trouble until they were at least 6 months.

For one-off bad day/night I'd do something like a very long pram walk or drive - multiple times a day - just to get over it.

She may be coming up to a growth leap. Is she starting to get mobile? Also may be a regression. I feel you, one bad day/night makes me irrationally grumpy and beyond tired too.

Pram walk works for us, but also sling carrier at times. The biggest thing is not to get them overtired in the first place. How long is she awake? My lo is a bit older but I try not to let him stay awake beyond 3 hours and 2.5 if I can help it really.

Hope you have a better day today.

Take her out for a walk.

Might be the 4 month sleep regression. Mine usually dropped off in the sling but I had to keep moving or they would wake. Lots of long walks at that stage.

Thanks all for your replies. I'd try to take her for a walk but typically it's raining very heavily outside so I'll try that another day if this continues to be a problem. So far she's found the pram quite exciting so hopefully if I can walk for long enough it will work...

@ZooKeeper19 and @skylarkdescending, she's definitely going through the 4 month sleep regression and developmental leap 4, although I had hoped she'd be out the other side by now! Been going on for around 5 weeks so far. I've mostly been able to get her to nap without too many problems until very recently. I've been trying really hard to get her ready for her nap before she gets too tired, have been using huckleberry app and some advice from @FATEdestiny from a previous thread I posted. I noticed she seemed to be getting tired this morning about 45 mins after waking, so we went straight upstairs, quick nappy change, sleeping bag, closed the blinds and curtains and snuggled up for some milk. She then got a bit fidgety whilst feeding and did a big poop, so I had to get her out of the sleeping bag, open the curtain just enough so I could see what I was doing and change her nappy again. Then after that I just couldn't settle her down again. Finally got her to sleep after nearly three hours awake. It's making me feel so miserable and desperate, as I know that the worse she sleeps in the day, the worse she will sleep tonight, and it will just keep going on and on and getting harder and harder. Plus I feel like I'm spending the majority of my day sat in a dark room trying to get her to sleep. It's so depressing

Oh @Mahonia, it is brutally hard (we went through the same a few months back and I did not even know it was a regression - ftm and all). But about this: Plus I feel like I'm spending the majority of my day sat in a dark room trying to get her to sleep - have you tried this.
(worked for us).

Do all as you mentioned but then give her a kiss and leave. If she gets fussy and cries go back and settle her back kiss her and leave again. Just go out of the door and wait there. I hated the thought of the LO crying so I could not let him, but I did this come-go-come-go thing and very surprisingly it did work. He just fell asleep and I stood there looking absolutely astonished. Not straight away but after a few days. May be worth a try. (also sometimes, when on my own and completely lost and spent I just left him in the bed to cry and made tea. Sometimes it was just too much. It's OK to not feel OK and to just take a break.)

I agree. Shitty night naps mean bad night sleep and it's a circle and after a day or two you lose the will to live (I know I did).

I feel for you OP. Both of my DC have been bad sleepers and it really does feel never ending in the moment. Just to say hang in there, it gets better and soon you will get a good nights sleep and feel so refreshed! Do you have a partner to share the load?

My mantra through the baby years has been 'it's a phase, it's a phase, it's a phase'

@ZooKeeper19, I haven't tried what you suggested, I'll have to give it a go. How long did you do it for each time, how long did you leave DC for? And what did you then do when it didn't work?

@skylarkdescending I do have a DH but he works full time and does all the chores etc and helps as much as he can, so I don't feel like I can ask for any more. I just need to build up my emotional resilience and strength and get on with it but I'm just finding it so hard. I've tried telling myself it's just a phase but when one finishes the next one starts!

True! But each phase is different and you'll feel a gradual trend towards easier I hope!

DH sounds great but see if you can swap for a bit just to give you some breathing space. When my DH used to get home from work I would hand him the baby for a couple of hours. I then had a quick break and did housework. Still sharing the load but actually having time physically away from baby really helped my mood.

It's brutal. One bad night for me and I am unbelievably cranky and grumpy and short-tempered, just feel like rubbish. It's really important to recognise this and be kind to yourself at times like that.

As for this how long did you leave DC for - I started with just putting him down and going to the door (3 steps). If he cried I came back and stood with him and waited for a reaction. Then if he still cried I picked him up. If he still cried I walked him. I also made sure he is very well fed. Like almost overfed. I found that he slept better like that. Once he calmed down I put him down, dummy, blanket (swaddle - I have a stretchy muslin that I use on his upper body just to secure his arms and I leave the legs free to kick about and once he is asleep I loosen up the muslin). I then pat him as this calms him down. Then I repeat - pat, wait till he seems calmer and I retreat. At first he was crying almost as soon as I stopped patting. Then I resumed. Waited 10 seconds and if he was calm I tried to leave. It's a trial/error thing. I do not let him cry more than 10-20 seconds. Basically as soon as he is unhappy, I am back and calm him. Now he can go to sleep for naps almost alone (sometimes I am back 1-2 times) and for night sleep I pat him a bit and sometimes I stay with him till he falls asleep but he does not cry at all, he is unsettled but not screaming (which is a massive huge improvement on his life, and my too).

I read that they eventually stop crying but I do not feel comfortable going that route although I absolutely understand parents who do, and I acknowledge that it yields good results in terms of sleep and silence .