Professional help

[Pippinsqueak]

Has anyone had to seek professional help from a doctor or paediatrics for poor sleep in their little one? If so what happened and what did they suggest or do?

My little one is 17 months and apart from full blown CIO we ve tried everything. I've been up since 2 am settling her back down only for her to wake again sometimes crying, sometimes just awake.

The thing is that it doesn't affect her during the day it's me who having a mental health crisis due to chronic sleep deprivation.

I spoke to the drs this week who said he will put me in touch with paediatrics but thinks she's too young

Anyone?

Health visitors would be your first port of call for advice on sleep for babies and toddlers. The HV in my local area run sleep clinics for advice (in none covid-19 times)

I've seen numerous health visitors and nursery nurses, I've spoken to the drs before as well. Thankfully I had a sympathetic one last week who listened to me patiently whilst I reeled off everything I've tried and he agreed to try the paediatrics

I used millpond when my dd was about 2. This was about 5 years ago. They were excellent. They did a very calm method of reassure and retreat.

I did also get a melatonin prescription of the dr too, but we weren’t brave enough to try it.

We haven't sought professional help yet but it has been on the cards for a while. DS is 15 months and has been an awful sleeper since he was about 4 months. Like you, we can spend hours each night (4.5 hours the other night 🤯) trying to get him back to sleep - and again like your DD, sometimes he is crying but sometimes he's just properly awake. We've also tried everything except CIO. At the moment he has 4 molars coming through so we know why he's sleeping badly but sometimes there seems to be no rhyme or reason to it. After he gets these teeth through, if he's still sleeping terribly I'm going to contact our HV. We've spoken to them about it before and she just said 'he's happy and hitting all his milestones so I'm not worried', which is great for him but like you, it's severely impacting both me and my husband mentally - I've recently been diagnosed with PND and I have no doubt that the sleep deprivation is a massive part of it. It's incredibly difficult and frustrating so I really feel for you ❤️

millpondsleepclinic.com/

Here it is..we went for the core plan

Thank you for your replies.

We can get her off to sleepy within 1/2 an hour of rocking, even quicker when she wakes up at night probably about 15 mins boob or rocking, it's just the multiple wakings (up to 8 times) and not sleeping through her sleep cycles, I'm just exhausted.

I know they're not going to help me because she's fine during the day, it doesn't affect her, she's super bright and hitting all her milestones on time or early.

I'm just exhausted and my mental health is suffering I honestly feel like I'm going to crash and burn. My chest is tight constantly

I don't want to medicate her but maybe a few nights will help her get into a routine ? No idea. I feel like a failure

I agree with a sleep consultant. It's a lot to with sleep associations as you have mentioned rocking to sleep and breastfeeding to sleep. If that's what they need to go to sleep they will need them through the night and help with connecting their sleep cycles.
I know a few people who have used sleep consultants and it has helped them to change sleep associations etc.
Hope you get some rest soon OP xx

17 months is teething and sleep regression time. Both my boys are poor sleepers (eldest is three and still wakes up frequently). Totally sympathize with you. I found health visitor not very useful. Have you checked her ears? Ear infections are worse at night time. I've ended up co- sleeping with mine for sleep. My 18 month old is night waking at the moment too but he has three teeth cutting at the mo.

Pippinsqueak I've had a look through some of your historic posts on the sleep board, I hope you don't mind. I can see you've struggled with sleep for quite some time.

Can I ask about your daytime naps. I know you have them established, when are they and for how long?

BTW - You absolutely do not need to medicate your child for this.

@FATEdestiny I've suffered with her sleep since she was born. I expected the first few months to be awful but not this long.

She wakes at 6:30-7am and has a nap around 12-1 for anywhere from 1-2 hours, usually just over an hour, then she goes to bed at 7:30 pm and is asleep by 8.

She dropped her second nap herself and goes to sleep in her cot in her own room upstairs.

To the Pp about sleep associations, I know what you're saying, Unfortunately the advice that I was was given by the health visitors and the nursery nurses was to keep boobing her to sleep as it was the quickest way to settle her in and get a drifting off to sleep and being a first-time mum I just followed their advice. They knew the situation and that I was exhausted and they kept telling me that what I was doing is right. It was only when she turned a year and I had my one-year check by the health visitor then that visitor says I should stop boobing to sleep which we did successfully and she's not needed it for the last five months or so, To which I'm very proud of.

However I understand that I've replaced boob with rocking in the chair but I'm unsure how to undo this and get her to sleep without this. I tried gentle cry out method a couple of weeks ago and we got to 10 minutes until she completely lost it and spent the next hour sniffling in her sleep after I cuddled her.

I suppose what I need help with is the next stage of stopping rocking her to sleep. I just feel like a failure because my other mum friends have done exactly the same as me and the baby has learnt to sleep through their sleep cycles and only week one or two times a night which I'd be quite happy with. I'm under no illusion that she'll sleep a whole 12 hours.

What would a sleep consultant do? I have considered paying for one but they're so expensive is there only going to tell me what I'm doing is right.

And you're right 90% of my posts have been about sleep my baby is amazing apart from this major sleep problem

Re the stopping rocking her to sleep it all depends on your little one and what other ways settle her. Such as a little bum tap and tap on the back or stroke her face. My little one now has a little rabbit she sleeps with and on a night time when I'm saying night night before putting her down she's reaching down for it in her cot.
I couldn't let her cry it out.
Other parents say controlled crying and gentle controlled crying, the disappearing parent etc. There's lots of different approaches for different styles of parenting and what suits the child. I'm assuming a sleep consultant finds the correct approach for yourself and your little one and goes from there xx

I suppose what I need help with is the next stage of stopping rocking her to sleep

What is your time frame for this?

Are you happy with a slow, gradual improvement over many months?

Do you want (or need) a faster pace of change?

What would a sleep consultant do?

There are many benefits

• 121 advice, not multiple opinions from different people
• An "instruction manual" type thing, rather than a scatter gun try-everything approach
• Setting realistic expectations. Setting out cause and effect - if you do this, this will happen because of xyz.
• Holds you accountable when you don't follow the plan or are inconsistent.
• Gives you someone else to "blame" so removes an element of guilt

What sleep consultants don't have is some secret knowledge. You will already know about (and probably tried) the advice they give you.

I would like a fairly quick result but not at the detriment of my child. I may have to get in contact with a few and see

I tried gentle cry out method a couple of weeks ago and we got to 10 minutes until she completely lost it and spent the next hour sniffling in her sleep after I cuddled her

You need to think about this and set some realistic expectations.

10 minutes (of you being there comforting baby while crying, I assume) is no time at all. Then you gave up anyway and just went back to rocking on the chair - so what was the point.

You have a disparity of needs - if you want to go the gentle route then no more than 10 mins crying is reasonable to expect. But you wont see big changes it will be slow, gradual changes over many months.

If you want fairly quick results, as you said, you need more emotional resilience to be able to make a plan, know you're doing it because you care for and love your child, and stick to it fully and with complete consistency in the long term. I'm necessarily saying leave your child to cry alone, but it will still be distressing for you and baby while you do the comforting.

If you cant cope with that, you wont get fairly quick results. So next question:

What is more important - fairly quick results or not having to listen to your baby cry?

I know. I need to have balls of steel but 17 months of being dragged down makes it hard.

I feel like I need a couple of weeks off work and someone to hold my hand whilst I do this lol

My health visitor recommended the book written by The Millpond Clinic - teach your child to sleep. Best book on sleep I ever read (and I was desperate so had read a lot!!!!). Very practical, step by step, factual with handy flow charts to help you decide on the best method. No preaching or pressure to use a particular method. We chose a very controlled and very gradual withdrawal/retreat method. Took a while but we saw results every few days so it felt we were doing something.

But also I think part of me is reluctant as we have a lovely going to bed time and knowing that we ll have to change it but it's all for the better in the long run

We went from feeding to sleep to rocking to sleep. The next stage for us was three days of holding to sleep (sat on a chair), then three days of lying next to (them in cot) holding hand, then sitting next to, then gradually moving further out of the room. Yes Ds1 did cry when we didn't rock but as I was holding and singing I did not feel as bad.

Thanks you @lorisparkle that's reassuring